Jolie Rouge
03-18-2003, 09:49 PM
I often come back to a story about two men who came from similar backgrounds. They both grew up in "dysfunctional" homes. An alcohol-addicted parent raised them both. They both endured numerous hardships as a result of the many problems brought about by their unstable home lives.
As adults, however, their lives looked quite different. One man helda a steady job. He was married with a happy home life. He was involved in his children's lives. He felt productive and useful.
A reporter interviewed him as part of an article she was writing on the effects of alcoholism in the home. "To what do you attribute your present circumstances?" she asked him, referring to his obvious success.
"Given my background," he replied, "what do you expect?"
The other man could not seem to keep a job for long. He was frequently let go for alcohol-related problems. He had been married, but lost his wife due to his addiction. He felt hopeless and believed himself to be a failure.
The reporter also asked him, "To what do you attribute your present circumstances?"
"Given my background," he replied, "what do you expect?"
Naturally, our past will shape our present. Our backgrounds are crucial in determining the kinds of decisions we will make as adults. But here is a case in which similar upbringings produced quite different results.
Both men were shaped by their past. One slipped into those old, familiar patterns and recreated them as an adult. The other was determined never to repeat what he had experienced as a child. The first man felt helpless to change. The other used his background as motivation to make needed changes.
In his book THE RESILIENT SELF (New York: Villard Books, 1992), Stephen Wolin emphasizes how our difficult backgrounds can actually make us more resilient. Hardships can make us strong and give us needed motivation to be different in the future. A difficult
background can be no less than a marvelous gift!
For some, their background is an excuse. For others, it is a gift!
From Steve Goodier's JOY ALONG THE WAY
As adults, however, their lives looked quite different. One man helda a steady job. He was married with a happy home life. He was involved in his children's lives. He felt productive and useful.
A reporter interviewed him as part of an article she was writing on the effects of alcoholism in the home. "To what do you attribute your present circumstances?" she asked him, referring to his obvious success.
"Given my background," he replied, "what do you expect?"
The other man could not seem to keep a job for long. He was frequently let go for alcohol-related problems. He had been married, but lost his wife due to his addiction. He felt hopeless and believed himself to be a failure.
The reporter also asked him, "To what do you attribute your present circumstances?"
"Given my background," he replied, "what do you expect?"
Naturally, our past will shape our present. Our backgrounds are crucial in determining the kinds of decisions we will make as adults. But here is a case in which similar upbringings produced quite different results.
Both men were shaped by their past. One slipped into those old, familiar patterns and recreated them as an adult. The other was determined never to repeat what he had experienced as a child. The first man felt helpless to change. The other used his background as motivation to make needed changes.
In his book THE RESILIENT SELF (New York: Villard Books, 1992), Stephen Wolin emphasizes how our difficult backgrounds can actually make us more resilient. Hardships can make us strong and give us needed motivation to be different in the future. A difficult
background can be no less than a marvelous gift!
For some, their background is an excuse. For others, it is a gift!
From Steve Goodier's JOY ALONG THE WAY