Jolie Rouge
03-15-2003, 09:40 PM
Cookie Monitor By Ken Swarner
I've spent considerable time behind a card table the last two weeks.
No, not Bridge or Pinochle - Girl Scout Cookies.
I've taken my turns in front of the grocery store supervising as my daughter and her friends accost every shopper going in and out the doors. "Hello, would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?"
Many people love to see the girls in their uniforms selling the Shortbread Cookies, the Samoa's, and even the low-fat Lemon Creams.
But, I've also noticed that not everyone appreciates this time of the year. They don't all like boxes of Thin Mints thrust in front of their faces as they're pushing their shopping carts towards the parking lot.
To pass the time as supervisor, I've created a categorical list of grocery shopper types, and I've labeled five camps most people fall into during cookie sale time (I've had a lot of time).
The First Camp is the hordes of civic-minded folks who buy tons of our cookies year after year with smiles on their faces. These people I classify as 'Easy-Pickings,' and/or 'Relatives.' They look forward to cookie time. They can't wait to buy. They each have 34 boxes in their freezer for the entire year.
Second, there are those whom I assort under the heading: Deflectors.' These folks don't want to buy our cookies and therefore will do whatever is necessary to avoid eye contact with the girls. As they walk in or out of the store, they'll intently read their receipts; scan the headlines in the newspaper boxes; mumble to themselves; or pretend a pigeon pooped on their head. (Searching the sky) "What the?" They brush right by as if never seeing or hearing the girls' sales pitches.
The classic 'diversion' is the old 'rummage through the purse' method. Here the conniving shopper sees the cookie peddlers and then pretends to scour her purse as she moves past us on the sidewalk. Occasionally, however, this technique backfires when the person neglects to look up and walks smack into a wall.
"Boy, that's gotta hurt! Cookies?"
The next category is the 'Avoiders.' Unlike the deflectors, these people don't make up a diversion, but instead, go out of their way to avoid the cookies altogether. They will park near one entrance of the store, see the girls, and then walk clear around to the other side. Of course, they're confused. There's Girl Scouts at those doors, too.
The Fourth Camp are the 'Liars.' To get out of buying cookies, they tell the girls things like "I don't eat sweets," or "I already bought some cookies," or "I had a nightmare last night that a giant Peanut Butter Sandwich bit my head off."
Other liars promise on their way into the store to buy cookies on their way back out, only to call their friends on cell phones to pick them up around back by the loading dock.
Finally, there are those who look menacingly at parents like me as if we're the enemy. They act as if our daughters have ruined their entire day.
They're grumpy, snappy and rude. I won't list what I call them. And, to the guy who gave me the evil eye yesterday, I want to say: "Hey, you in the hard hat - too good for our cookies? Animal Treasures not manly enough for you? Yeah, go buy your Oreo's - Girl Scout Cookie Hater!"
I've been behind this card table too long!
I've spent considerable time behind a card table the last two weeks.
No, not Bridge or Pinochle - Girl Scout Cookies.
I've taken my turns in front of the grocery store supervising as my daughter and her friends accost every shopper going in and out the doors. "Hello, would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?"
Many people love to see the girls in their uniforms selling the Shortbread Cookies, the Samoa's, and even the low-fat Lemon Creams.
But, I've also noticed that not everyone appreciates this time of the year. They don't all like boxes of Thin Mints thrust in front of their faces as they're pushing their shopping carts towards the parking lot.
To pass the time as supervisor, I've created a categorical list of grocery shopper types, and I've labeled five camps most people fall into during cookie sale time (I've had a lot of time).
The First Camp is the hordes of civic-minded folks who buy tons of our cookies year after year with smiles on their faces. These people I classify as 'Easy-Pickings,' and/or 'Relatives.' They look forward to cookie time. They can't wait to buy. They each have 34 boxes in their freezer for the entire year.
Second, there are those whom I assort under the heading: Deflectors.' These folks don't want to buy our cookies and therefore will do whatever is necessary to avoid eye contact with the girls. As they walk in or out of the store, they'll intently read their receipts; scan the headlines in the newspaper boxes; mumble to themselves; or pretend a pigeon pooped on their head. (Searching the sky) "What the?" They brush right by as if never seeing or hearing the girls' sales pitches.
The classic 'diversion' is the old 'rummage through the purse' method. Here the conniving shopper sees the cookie peddlers and then pretends to scour her purse as she moves past us on the sidewalk. Occasionally, however, this technique backfires when the person neglects to look up and walks smack into a wall.
"Boy, that's gotta hurt! Cookies?"
The next category is the 'Avoiders.' Unlike the deflectors, these people don't make up a diversion, but instead, go out of their way to avoid the cookies altogether. They will park near one entrance of the store, see the girls, and then walk clear around to the other side. Of course, they're confused. There's Girl Scouts at those doors, too.
The Fourth Camp are the 'Liars.' To get out of buying cookies, they tell the girls things like "I don't eat sweets," or "I already bought some cookies," or "I had a nightmare last night that a giant Peanut Butter Sandwich bit my head off."
Other liars promise on their way into the store to buy cookies on their way back out, only to call their friends on cell phones to pick them up around back by the loading dock.
Finally, there are those who look menacingly at parents like me as if we're the enemy. They act as if our daughters have ruined their entire day.
They're grumpy, snappy and rude. I won't list what I call them. And, to the guy who gave me the evil eye yesterday, I want to say: "Hey, you in the hard hat - too good for our cookies? Animal Treasures not manly enough for you? Yeah, go buy your Oreo's - Girl Scout Cookie Hater!"
I've been behind this card table too long!