View Full Version : Looking for a hole to hide in...

03-03-2003, 03:25 PM
I am at my wits end. I am not sure how much more I can take.

As many of you know I have been dealing with an apt. switch due to a ceiling leak (which by the way is spreading and half the ceiling is disclolored it's so gross) Well they gave us a new apt and We started moving last Friday and it took us until last night yes that is right 9 days to move a studio apt. BF works 9-5 and I have a back injury so I can't do much. We had a plan to do it where we would move somethings and put them away and we weren't going to move anything else until the things were all put away does that make sense?

Well the apt managers started riding out @sses to get out of there so they could rent it (hello?!!? who in their right minds would rent that place? They think they can just slap a coat of paint on the stain? The ceiling is hanging down 4 inches!

So now we had to move everything into the new apt and it looks like hell. There is no where to move and I haven't been able to cook anything in my kitchen for 5 days. It's a disaster area and I can't find anything.

I had a docotr's appt today adn I was talking with my nurse about it all adn just started bawling saying that I spent 2 hours researching cruises the other day. Like I have money to take a cruise! Waht teh hell? She said she felt bad bc she knows all the crap I have dealt with for 2 and a half years bc of this injury and she said "If anyone needs a cruise, it's you"

Then my doctor comes in and I'm crying and I feel guilty crying over my pathetic life when he lost his second child a few months ago. So I cry even more. then I come home to my hellish apt and feel so overwhelmed by everything. I want to sell everything I have just so I don't have to look at it, but the thought of tying it all out to sell on teh boards stresses me out.

There is so much that goes into being on workers comp. Everyone thinks it's like a free vacation and it's just not. There is so much paperwrok and record keeping adn phone calls and then ontop of it I have to go to teh gym tonight and work out when I'm sore from moving and I know it's going to hurt so much but I have to go or I'll get in trouble with the insurance company.

I'm so tired all the time I feel like I could sleep anytime anywhere forever. I've become so withdrawn from the outside world having been disabled for 2 and a half years that I don't feel comfortable around people. I go out of my way to avoid people bc I don't know how to deal with anyone. When I have to deal with people I put on a happy face which exhausts me to no end.

I daydream about running away. Not telling anyone where I am going and just escaping from my life. I know that my problems are nothing compared to others esp. people on this board and when I think about that I feel guilty for feelign like I do adn then I cry adn beat myself up over that too.

So..if anyone knows of a comfy hole somewhere where I could hide out for a while I would appreciate the tip.


ok, this was probably my longest post and my fingers hurt.:(

03-03-2003, 03:36 PM
(((((((HUGS)))))))) I am sorry you are having such a bad time. Have you talked to your doctor about your feelings? Sounds like it could be depression. Maybe he can help you.

03-03-2003, 03:39 PM
I have a CAVE we like to call Anthony's Room. You are welcome to come stay with me in there awhile. He has cable and a nice double bed with new mattresses.

I agree with miccit, it does sound like you are depressed. You should see a doctor and see if they can help.


03-03-2003, 03:41 PM
you can come here anytime!I don't have a disability and I hate dealing with the public, I consider my home my comfy zone and it is where I am my most comfortable and I can relate to how sucky it can be when you don't have the energy to clean up and its a mess and that makes me even more depressed.No advice here, other then try to do what you can do (a little at a time)and try not to let it overwhelm you. ((((((((prncsnyc)))))) on another note I got all excited seeing the NYC in your name and thought I was just in Manhattan this weekend helping my sil and bil move, and I could surely marshall some people to help you as well!!(then I noticed the CA DUH Jaid!)wish you were in nyc then Id come over and hug you and help ya out!Anyways youre always welcome here!

03-03-2003, 03:52 PM
miccit, cpbaby, and Jaidness

thank you for the hugs.

Yep, my back doctor... I actually met him bc I needed a Rx for my depression related to the injury. He ended up taking care of my back too (the only one who did anything to help me with my pain). Problem is that I had a therapist (he is the one who referred me to my now dr. for the rx) but I didn't like the therapist and thought he was in it for the money not to help me so I "fired" him and in retaliation he declared me permanent and stationary adn said I was fine adn not depressed anymore. Now the insurance company doesn't want to give me a new therapist. My Back doc is trying to fight it for me but the insurance company is not budging. So my depression is known but isn't being taken care of.


cpbaby A cave sounds absoluelty wonderful. Nice and dark and cool... and a bed that doesn't ahve clothes all over it? sounds like heaven!

Jaidness, I think a trip to NYC is just what I need. I lived there for 6 years and I don't think I've gotten used to Ca bc my injury happened 3 months after moving here so I never got to make any friends. Do you live in NYC too or are you just close enough that you could help them out?

thanks again for the hugs :)

03-03-2003, 03:59 PM
{{{{{PrncsNYC}}}}} many many hugs to you.
how did your injury happen?

03-03-2003, 04:11 PM
Prncs...I'm so sorry about this. Everything must be so incredibly overwhelming. I was wondering what happened with regard to your apartment. Those landlords should have offered your movers...but that's just my opinion.

I would start complaining and appealing like crazy with regard to you getting a new therapist. If necessary, go to the State Board which governs insurance.

03-03-2003, 04:15 PM
my hubby was born and raised in Manhattan, but has been in the military since he was 18 so I make homebase Mass (where I and my family are from),but we have a house in the Poconos so if you ever need to go to NYC you can always stay with me in PA it is only an hour or so out lol...My sil moved to Jersey city which is awesome cos I can drive to there and then hop the train to NYC.(I'm a little mad cos in all the moving I didn't get to go to Canal st and do some massive shoppingbut I came home with a huge bag of Gray Papayas!!)
(edited to add: definatley get your congreespeople involved as well it can help alot)

03-03-2003, 04:16 PM
Sorry know how you feel. I have been disabled for awhile now and they still turn down my disability. They did approve my SSI but who can live on $430.oo a month.. just got a raise. A whole $7.oo wow.. If you ever need to chat Im here. :)

03-03-2003, 04:21 PM
((((((hugs)))))) That blows chunks!! I am so sorry about this mess. Hang in there!!! It will get better!!!

03-03-2003, 04:23 PM
lol everytime I go to post there is another reply..thank you so much for replying to my psot, it helps.

Thank you Odyssey. It's hard to believe that virtual hugs can actually help but they do!

I was waiting tables (in an attempt to pay for headshots and what not since I moved out here to pursue my acting career..yeah that happened!)and the floor was wet and I slipped and fell...my left leg went out from under me and I landed straight on my lower left back. Problem was that I was sent back to work the very next night and it made things even worse. I had a docotr at an industrial medical clinic which was in the back pocket of the restaurant and they kept giving me ibuprofin adn sending me to work. Finally the insurance company "found out about me" and sent me to a real ortho who I saw for 9 months but then declared me me permanent and stationary (bc he didn't know what was wrng with me)and sent me home with my trusty vicodin Rx but I had to continue with the therapy end of it and that is how I met my current back doctor (when he was asked to write the rx for my depression medication) He said I was *not* permanent and stationary and I have been seeing him since last may.

Thank you for your kind words. That is the one word I use...overwhelming. I just feel like I have so much to do and to take care of and I don't know where or even how to begin. And did I get around to going out driving this past weekend, no and I am beating myself over that as well)

The landlords did not offer us movers. Can you believe they expected us to turn in our old keys the day after they gave us the knew ones? that would have given us about 18 hours to move apts. I laughed at them adn said no way. So we are basically just so run down and sick from breathing in all teh dust and what not from moving everything around we are having a hard time breathing.

Jaidness-I so wish I could afford a visit! but as ScifiWoman knows, that would be next to impossible. Scifi-I was making 640 a month but then evil therapist pns'ed me and they cut me down to 560.00 a month. I can't believe yours is even lower than mine. That is terrible.

03-03-2003, 05:44 PM

03-03-2003, 05:53 PM
the disability they pay to you is next to NOTHING.
I am so suprised how little it is.
I am so sad to hear that.
your landlords are at fault.
Have you looks into the abspestus? I know I spelled that so wrong but I am talking about the building material used in the 1970's or so that is known to cause Cancer. You mentioned the dust so I would be concerned about that in your lungs now.

03-04-2003, 01:27 PM
I would send them a bill for moving too as it was their fault you had to move. Cant hurt to try. :)

03-05-2003, 01:10 PM
odyssey-I never eventhought about asbestos! If I ever get things moved around hopfully I will come across my lease and I can look around for anything mentioned in it. We are still having problems with congestiona dn coughing nad bf says he has trouble breathing.

scifiwoman-Oh, I would lvoe to do that! I wouldn't know what to say though! We deducted 271.00 from the rent on the 1st and have been waiting for them to say something but they havn't. I also plan on deducting the cost of the phone and cable being switched. 27 and 20 bucks.

Oh, and at my appt with my docotr, he examined me and said that the injured area is completely mobile which is bad so I will have to get another three injections. I HATE these injections. I HATE needles even if I can't see them. BF went last time and held my hand, thought I was going o bbreak it...next time I'll squeeze his non-drawing hand. :(