PDA

View Full Version : My son is going to be the death of me...



miccit
02-26-2003, 04:48 PM
My son comes home from school today and tells me that he and his friend were pushing another friend on the swings today and that child fell and got hurt. Then, he proceeds to tell me that because of this he and his friends are banned from playing on the sawdust area (ie where all the equipment is ) for the rest of the year. This means they will spend the rest of the year playing on the blacktop where there is no playground equipment. I asked him to tell me exactly what happened. He repeated that he and his friend were pushing another friend on the swings and the one friend fell. So, I asked him if they sent him to the office and he said no. I asked if he went to Big Time Out and he said no. He said the duty just banned them from the sawdust. I asked him if he explained to her it was an accident and he said no she just told them they were banned. I asked him if she saw what happened and he said no. Well I asked him repeatedly to repeat what happened so I didn't go off half cocked and go off on everyone at the school (I hate this school-- read my other vent). Anyway, after he tells me the same story about 10 times I figure I have all the facts.

SO, I call the school and lo and behold the principal is actually there (she had just gotten there). I explain to her that I am angry and then tell her why I am angry. She then tells me that I can meet with the teacher who covers for her tomorrow since she (the principal) is out for the rest of the week. Then, she tells me that the playground duty told her the boys were playing on the bars (they are just these old rusted bars sticking up out of the ground kind of like the ones you do chin ups on) not the swings. And that they had been in trouble all year for messing around on the playground. OK, school starts in September it is almost March. If my son has been getting into trouble why is this the first I heard about it? The principal says it isn't school policy to call parents when students get warnings or in trouble (unless it is a big offense). WTH! How can I correct behaviour I don't know about????

But, what makes me really mad is now my son is changing his story. The little (insert your own description here) has lied to me and I am so mad I can't see straight. He is almost 11 years old, he knows better. I am going to let DH deal with him or I am going to hurt him. (Not really hurt him, you know what I mean).

But, I am also mad at the school. If my kids screw up I want to know about it. I am their mother it is my job to correct their behaviour.

Am I being unreasonable? When I was little and you got in trouble at school, they called your parents and then you got into trouble at home.

I am sorry for venting again. I have got to get my kids out of this school district before it kills me. I am so tempted just to go ahead and sue them to make them pay for my kids to go elsewhere for that little PTA telling people I was a lesbian incident and get it over with.

I know I sound irrational and I am sorry. I am just fed up and don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening.

mrs.john
02-26-2003, 06:04 PM
Oh, I can't tell you how many times I have called the school over one of my SS's stories and looked like a fool. And I hate it when it's an ongoing thing and we don't seem to hear anything until conference time or discipline papers come in the mail (they finally stopped sending them home with him. Duh.)

Hope you can get it all straightened out soon. {{{miccit}}}

Lisa03
02-26-2003, 06:22 PM
I can understand your fustration

I hope things get better for you

hang in there please;)

miccit
02-26-2003, 06:31 PM
It is so embarassing to call someone and get angry about something that isn't even the truth. My son knows better. He has never lied to me about anything like this before. I told him that lying would make it so I wouldn't be able to trust him anymore and he acts like he doesn't even care. I just don't get that at all.


And get this he just informs that he was nominated for student of the month. WTH! I am confused. If he has been in trouble, how can he be student of the month. I thought that was based on behaviour.

mrs.john
02-26-2003, 06:45 PM
Originally posted by miccit
And get this he just informs that he was nominated for student of the month. WTH! I am confused. If he has been in trouble, how can he be student of the month. I thought that was based on behaviour.

Ha! Same thing here. My SS got suspended for sexual harrassment and got student of the month the next month. The school wanted to "encourage good behavior" :rolleyes:

He'll care that you don't trust him as time goes on. We have a hard time believing my SS a lot. Every time we do, we find out he's lying. So when he's telling the truth, a lot of times we don't believe him--which really makes him mad. Lying comes back to bite you. Hope you can nip it in the bud.

miccit
02-26-2003, 06:50 PM
My son thinks the world revolves around him. He suffers from depression and anxiety disorder. They are getting ready to test him for a form of autism. He gets really violent at home (never at school) sometimes. The doctors told him the next time he ends up in the psych hospital for acting out he is going into a foster home for kids with behavioural problems. He doesn't care though. He doesn't think they will really do it. And of course, his behaviour effects his sister's behaviour. I am at a loss. And I am grossly outnumbered by kids!!;)

Sounds like your SS and my son have a lot in common Mrs. John. DH is so mad at him right now I almost feel sorry for him when his dad gets home.

mrs.john
02-26-2003, 07:00 PM
I never thought a child in a good environment could act like this, until I lived it. I totally understand your frustration. My SS somehow got out of serving time in the detention center (our county is horrible), so he thinks that he is above punishment and he can do what he wants and not have to go there. Course, his mother is the same way (that's why we have him) but we won't go there.

It does effect the other kids, as well as a marriage. Some days I just want to walk out the front door and just keep going, lol. He went with his mom (long story) for a year and I could not believe the change in my 7 y/o. It was the calmest year we've had since we've been married. Now that I've had a taste of that, it's extra hard now.

Hopefully your husband can keep his cool. The last thing you guys need is him trying to say you abuse him. (been there, done that)

miccit
02-26-2003, 08:42 PM
DH doesn't spank unless he has tried everything else. He makes him do pushups. By the time the kid is 18 he is going to have arms like Schwarzeneger (sp).

cpbaby
02-26-2003, 08:51 PM
Are you CERTAIN hes lying? I only ask because sometimes adults make mistakes. I have ended up fighting for my son because he had to spend a day in ALC for something he didnt do. The evidence pointed towards him doing it, but he didnt. He was with a group of kids in the bathroom and the other kids tried to pull a loose sink off the wall. It started to fall and Nick was trying to hold it up. The other boys left and NIck was there holding the sink up. When the teacher came looking for him, all she saw was him holding a loose sink, she assumed he had torn it loose. After I found out, I had a MAJOR fit and they finally talked to the boys who DID tear it off. Nick got an apology out of it and the ALC stay was taken off his record.

Im not saying hes lying nad Im not sayinghes not, but sometimes you have to believe the child over the adult. Especially with as much trouble as youve had with the school.

miccit
02-26-2003, 08:55 PM
cpbaby-- I confronted him and he said oh I forgot we weren't on the swings we were somewhere else. Finally got him to tell me what I hope is the truth. He always says oh I forgot when he gets busted lying. He is so lucky I am not my mom-- or it would be dish soap in the mouth!:eek:

cpbaby
02-26-2003, 08:59 PM
Yeah, I understand. I always know when mine are lying too. I just had to ask though.


{{{{{miccit}}}}}

miccit
02-26-2003, 09:22 PM
I completely believed him and called the school and got really irate with the principal. Then, I found out he was lying. Oh I was so mad:mad: The principal deserved a butt chewing though so I don't feel too bad. :eek:

freebiegrl22
02-26-2003, 09:29 PM
Times sure has changed! My mom would have gotten out the belt automatically, and I wouldn't be able to leave the house for a year...

Your son and your family is in my prayers...

miccit
02-26-2003, 09:49 PM
Originally posted by freebiegrl22
Times sure has changed! My mom would have gotten out the belt automatically, and I wouldn't be able to leave the house for a year...

Your son and your family is in my prayers...

I thought about that, but was afraid I wouldn't quit once I started. That is what my mom would have done too.

Thinking about puttin him in FSOT. Think I would get any takers?
Before anyone jumps me I am joking I would not sell or trade him even though I might feel like it right now.

odyssey
02-26-2003, 11:26 PM
{{{{{{{miccit}}}}}}}}}

CABANN
02-27-2003, 11:10 AM
((((((miccit}}}}}}

miccit
02-27-2003, 11:18 AM
Thanks everyone. I haven't heard from the school yet this morning. I want to go in and find out what they say happened. Then, I want to sit down with him and talk to him again. I also would like to talk to his friends and get their side of the story. I know my son lied to me, but I don't trust the people at his school either.

mrs.john
02-27-2003, 11:21 AM
Originally posted by miccit
DH doesn't spank unless he has tried everything else. He makes him do pushups. By the time the kid is 18 he is going to have arms like Schwarzeneger (sp).

In today's society, sometimes you don't have to spank to have kids holler abuse. I let my dh deal with most punishments with my SS, because of things like that. When my SS did it to me, I was a good 10-15 feet away from him during the whole argument. I'd like to know how I beat him from a distance like that.

Go Go Gadget Arm, I guess :rolleyes:

{{{miccit}}}

miccit
02-27-2003, 12:01 PM
Originally posted by mrs.john
In today's society, sometimes you don't have to spank to have kids holler abuse. I let my dh deal with most punishments with my SS, because of things like that. When my SS did it to me, I was a good 10-15 feet away from him during the whole argument. I'd like to know how I beat him from a distance like that.

Go Go Gadget Arm, I guess :rolleyes:

{{{miccit}}}

My son tried that once. He told the police when they came to take him the psych hospital that we had beaten him. I told the police that I had spanked him because he punched me and the officer told my son he was lucky he wasn't his kid cause he would have done a lot worse to him!

mrs.john
02-27-2003, 12:16 PM
That's what the officer told my SS. Mind you, my SS is about the same weight/height as me. Thing is, I didn't even spank him--haven't for about 6 or 7 years. I take material things and privilages away (not that is has much effect). Hope tonight goes better for you.

Moonmama
02-27-2003, 12:19 PM
Oh, MAN....you just hardened my resolve to homeschool!! Good luck! Let us know how it's going! E-mail me!:)

miccit
02-27-2003, 12:45 PM
I am still waiting to hear from the school. Probably never will. I want to know what his friends say happened. I would also like to hear how the boy is who got hurt. Storm said he thought his arm was broken. I hope not!

miccit
02-27-2003, 03:43 PM
The school just called. I was told he didn't get into trouble on the playground. His friends did. When they got back to the classroom and the duty told his teacher what had happened she got mad. She proceeded to yell at all of them and she is the one who banned them from the sawdust. He is banned until next week. I guess they have been rough housing on the equipment and have been warned. I asked why I hadn't been notified of this problem before someone got hurt and was told that wasn't their policy. I told the teacher who is subbing for the principal from now on I want a phone call whenever there is a warning issued. She said I was being unreasonable. That really pi$$ed me off. If I had been told about this before, my son would have not been rough housing yesterday and maybe that little boy wouldn't have been hurt.

Oh and no one knows how bad the boy was hurt. He isn't at school today.

So, I still didn't really get any satisfaction from the school. I don't know why his teacher punished them if she wasn't there. I have no problem with him being punished, but I think the playground people should handle it not the teacher. His teacher is something else. She yells at these kids all day. Her classroom is scary. There are papers stacked everywhere (including the floor). She can't find her stuff half the time. Oh well I keep telling myself we won't be there next year and they will be someone else's problem.

mlathroum
02-27-2003, 04:56 PM
DH doesn't spank unless he has tried everything else. He makes him do pushups. By the time the kid is 18 he is going to have arms like Schwarzeneger

OMG!!!! I thought my husband was the only one doing this!! We were both army brats growing up. Hubby figures it is better than spanking. We keep warning him that he is about to be attending Military School.


Thinking about puttin him in FSOT. Think I would get any takers?
I understand completely there are days I would like to trade him. Not being rude. But have you ever thought that if a bunch of us got together and showed our kids all parents expect the same maybe it would work.

miccit
02-27-2003, 05:11 PM
Originally posted by mlathroum
DH doesn't spank unless he has tried everything else. He makes him do pushups. By the time the kid is 18 he is going to have arms like Schwarzeneger

OMG!!!! I thought my husband was the only one doing this!! We were both army brats growing up. Hubby figures it is better than spanking. We keep warning him that he is about to be attending Military School.


Thinking about puttin him in FSOT. Think I would get any takers?
I understand completely there are days I would like to trade him. Not being rude. But have you ever thought that if a bunch of us got together and showed our kids all parents expect the same maybe it would work.

DH was in the Army for a long time. When he was in the Reserves we used to go to the company picnics. His First Sgt. told my son at one of them if he didn't get his act together he was gonna find him a military school!:eek:

The sad thing about the second part of your posting is not all parents believe in discipline. Most of the parents I know are too afraid to tell their kids no. They are afraid the kids won't like them anymore. Screw that! My Grandma always tells me that if my kids liked me all the time I was doing something wrong!

mlathroum
02-28-2003, 05:50 AM
I am not here to be their friend. If God meant it that way I wouldn't have given birth to them. He gave them to me to raise them as decent, God respecting, young men. There are times my parents went over board but I did turn into a respectable lawabiding adult. I try not to go over board but know that I am trying my best.
I have been sick for the last 3 weeks. They took out my gallbladder a week ago. Hubby and I thought my 8yo was behaving himself and being nice while I have been sick. Yesterday I get a note from the teacher he has been a royal@ss for the last week and was a total pain Monday and Tuesday for a substitute. What pisses me off is she waited until yesterday to write me a note. School is closed AGAIN!!! today because of the snow so Monday I am heading in there to find out why she is letting this go. She knows me better than that. She even keeps her cell phone on her desk and warns the kids she will call us from it.
I am going to rip her apart!!

The one thing that I also hold onto is this::: I had a dream last year sometime that I was sitting in the front pew of my Church. Strange because I never do. But I was older like in my 50's at least (I am 34 now) or older. I am watching the priest come down the center aisle and serve the mass. THEN it hits me that is my SON up there doing that. I honestly think it is a message that he will grow up to not necessarily be a PRIEST but be a good Man. Everytime he really ticks me off I think about that.

MommyG3
02-28-2003, 06:54 AM
I am glad you called the school and found out the truth. I know how frustrating it is.

Now, my son was supose to be taking his lunch and he has been forgetting. Why is it that my two older children can't do things on their own. gggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrr

miccit
02-28-2003, 07:56 AM
I am not sure why kids do what they do. Of course I guess if I knew that I would be a millionaire!

mlathroum -- I know what you mean. I was not put here to be their friend. And trust me I'd say a lot of the time they don't even like me! But, I have seen all of my cousins grow up to be self serving, spoiled people and I don't want that for my kids. Heck I expect more out of my 10, 8, 6, and 4 year old do than my aunt and uncle expect out of their almost 21 year old and 16 year old. My aunt and uncle are always on me about being mean- well excuse me my son will not be almost 21 living at home with me supporting him cause he doesn't feel like working (they have bought him a brand new truck and gave him a gold Visa that they pay off for him). Sorry that is just the way I am.

I just keep telling myself it has to get better, right??:rolleyes:

jademyst13
02-28-2003, 08:10 AM
{{{{{{{miccit}}}}}}}}}

miccit
02-28-2003, 08:41 AM
Thanks everyone for listening!! (((((hugs))))) to everyone.

I have come up with a good punishment for him. He is grounded for one thing and he has to help with cookies. He has to help get orders together and load cars. That should keep him too tired to lie!:p