View Full Version : How can people be soooooooooo UNGRATEFUL?????

02-19-2003, 06:46 AM
Right before the holidays there was a post on here in v/w that someone was needing help for the holidays. I.E. trinket gifts, clothing for new child, shower gels that kind of thing.

Well, I guess I'm a SUCKER. I fell for it and replied and gave this person my email addy. Well, the holidays got busy and I didn't get it in the mail before the holidays. It was the week after. PLEASE EXCUSE ME :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

The very day I packed it up I had Aggie take it to the post office and send it asap. Well, I waited a couple of days about 3 and wrote to see if they'd received the gifts. (I even included homemade breads). I took it upon myself to go out and buy this person something that I thought they would like and bought 2 new outfits for the baby.

Well, I wrote to ask if they'd received the package and you know what they wrote back?????!!!!!!! "Yeah, thanks".

I am not bothered w/the money that I spent. What upsets me is that I truly went to a lot of trouble for this person. As you all know Aggie and I moved into our new house about 2 weeks before Thanksgiving so, not only was/am unpacking I still had the holidays at my home plus numerous birthday parties for my family. Mom, Scooby, Aggie, 3 friends. All in the month of December.

It just really hurts me that they did this. I can't believe that someone is sooooooooooooo selfish and rude as to not send an email stating they received the package and not be grateful for the contents when you're on here asking for help.

They did tell me at one point they'd be going oos after the first of the year and wouldn't have access to a computer. Well, guess what????? They've been on here posting replies.

Then, when I thought they weren't able to get to a computer there was a post asking about them. I replied (nicely)and said I knew they were oos and would be back soon. I'm not sure whatever happened in that situation as I didn't get involved.

It's beyond me how people want help and ask for it and then you give it to them and then they can't respond w/reply or let you know if they received it, liked it, it was damaged in mailing, thank you or ANYTHING.

My feelings are really hurt. I guess next time someone does this I'll refer them to somewhere. I won't get involved and work my butt off trying to find things I think they'd like. :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

I know this probably sounds petty but, it's the thought that counts. That's what I've always been told. I guess I didn't "think" enough.

02-19-2003, 06:56 AM
I guess this person showed what class she is in.It has always amazed me too how people can be this way,it takes sooooo little effort to say "thank you,I appreciated that".

02-19-2003, 07:17 AM

If this is the same person I'm thinking of I got burned to.
They wont answer emails and said they would send my items at the end of January I sent the money order in December.
Some people have no morals or class I would of been grateful if someone went out of there way to help me I would at least send a thank-you card, helpful people are a rare breed nowadays..
The same thing happened to me I sent a lady an auction of baby clothes I won on ebay for her she said it was for a friend who was 16 and had nobody so I went out of my way, to this day I have not even got a thank-you I don't even know if she got my package or if she realy needed the clothes.
Some people I wonder what is going on in their minds!

02-19-2003, 07:33 AM
I know how ya feel. No wonder more people don't offer to help each other out.

02-19-2003, 07:52 AM
I dont know who it is but the same thing happened to me.....twice :( {{{{everyone}}}}

02-19-2003, 08:10 AM
I TRY to do that Raven but the same thing happened to me. I sent 2 Christmas box's out to families and one of them ws over 20.00 just to ship and I barely got an aknowledgment too. It just makes you feel like it was a waste because had they really NEEDED the stuff they would have been more grateful. Sorry hotwheelstx (((hugs))).

02-19-2003, 08:25 AM
Ravenlost It really makes me feel good when someone says "thanks", but know what? It makes me feel better just helping someone...regardless of being thanked for it. I don't offer help expecting a thank you in return. It's nice to get, that's for sure, but I try to give without expecting something in return. Easier on my heart that way.
Ravenlost I don't, FBH. It's not up to me to judge people. I give because I want to. It's up to the other person how they use it. What goes around, comes around. Ya know? If someone abuses my generosity I figure it's them who is going to get taken for a ride some day, not me.

02-19-2003, 08:43 AM
I must be the lucky. I really enjoyed helping the people I have helped and I have gotten good feedback. Maybe you just shouldn't expect anything if you send something other than a confirmation that the package was received.

02-19-2003, 08:51 AM
wow well some people. :(
who was it hotwheelstx?? I am sending two large Boxes out to 2 bbs members this week. all as a nice act from me. They seem to need it, I read all of their former posts to make the connection of they are in need from what they write.
I don't have the money to throw out the window. I hope only the true in need do ask not those who want free stuff at my expense.

02-19-2003, 08:52 AM
While I agree with Raven in that when I try to help someone I do it because I want to and it makes me feel good, however I understand where Hot and others are coming from.

I helped a couple of people here and only one ever responded that they received the package. Not only that they had their child to send an email thank you which I thought was very nice. I had to email the other person to make sure they got the package. Would it have hurt them to take two seconds to say they got the package?

Does it bother me that they didnt say thank you? Not it didnt because the my intent and purpose was the help someone who said they were in need.

I know that what I do is done with a sincere heart and as long has I can help anyone, I will continue to do so.

02-19-2003, 09:24 AM
I also think at the very least, a "Thank You" is in order, but sometimes I wonder if it's not so much of a lack of appreciation as it is simply the way a person is brought up.
I speak from personal experience in my own extended family. At Christmas time, after the family get-togethers, I swear some of the family members write out Thank You's while they're in the car driving home. Others really never get around to it. Not that they don't appreciate it.
My own rule of thumb on this is that if you receive a gift in person, you say Thank You in person. That's the most sincere form. If something comes to you in the mail, or UPS, you should call the person, or if that's not possible, write, expressing your gratitude and thus acknowledging having received the gift.
Everyone likes to be appreciated. But if you're trying to help someone out, do it for the simple reward of knowing that you were able to help someone less fortunate. And if you simply want to be sure the person receives a package, the surefire way is to request a return receipt through the mail. (That little green card they have to sign before getting the package.)
IMHO, hotwheelstx, you're right. You went out of your way to help this person and she should have thanked you, acknowledged your sincere effort. I'm sorry you didn't, and your feelings were hurt.
And Ravenlost, I personally agree with you. A thank you is appropriate, and the thoughtful thing to do, but knowing that you helped someone in need...that's a much better reward.
Cheers, ppl, and don't give up on RAOK, just because you were "burned". The kindness and sincerity on this board is one of the things that draw me to it every day. Or as Jerry Springer would say, "Be good to yourselves; and each other."

02-19-2003, 09:26 AM
Well I just have to say this..When DAH's (dumb@ss hubby)plant closed down 3 days before xmas, there were SEVERAL members here who sent my kids and me little things. I expressed my appreciation to ALL of them. Now that I have a job of my own, when I get caught up, I intend on sending EACH of them a little something in return to show my TRUE appreciation of their generosity.

Now, for your problem...maybe she just isn't really WORDY?? I know sometimes I'm not. She thought thanks was OK? I dunno..just a thought. But still a bit more would've been great. ;)

02-19-2003, 09:30 AM
But don't you guys think that it makes a difference in people's attitudes if they outright ask for handouts or if you just decide to do it on your own? I mean, I think some people expect things, to where others are just posting their concerns about the rough time they're having and don't expect anyone to do for them, except maybe give ideas. I think people are more grateful for an unexpected RAOK. JMO

02-19-2003, 09:32 AM
I guess I should have explained...I didnt even get an answer to my many emails asking if the packages got there OK. I know they were delivered. Thats all I expect to get in return, I just want to make sure the stuff gets where its supposed to go.

02-19-2003, 09:38 AM
Originally posted by mrs.john
But don't you guys think that it makes a difference in people's attitudes if they outright ask for handouts or if you just decide to do it on your own? I mean, I think some people expect things, to where others are just posting their concerns about the rough time they're having and don't expect anyone to do for them, except maybe give ideas. I think people are more grateful for an unexpected RAOK. JMO

I don't recall EVER asking for anything. :confused:

02-19-2003, 09:39 AM
Oh yeah..just to clarify, *I am NOT the one hotwheels is talking about* LOL

02-19-2003, 10:02 AM
Originally posted by Machande_Kennels
I don't recall EVER asking for anything. :confused:

I was worried that that might be taken the wrong way. I'm not accusing anyone here of asking for anything. I'm talking about in life in general. I think some people scam others into doing for them, just to get something for nothing. Like that lady that said her little girl has cancer(?)and was trying to get donations and then come to find out her daughter wasn't sick and she scammed all those people. And others just talk/type/ect. about things going on and people just want to do for them. Like when you see in the paper that someone has lost their home, so you decide on your own to donate clothes to them, things like that. And then you see them on tv or whatever crying because it meant so much to them :)

02-19-2003, 10:25 AM
you really are a nice bunch here at bbs,and the simple fact that you are helping someone is so kind,god bless you!

02-19-2003, 11:33 AM

Sorry, I am a natural born peace maker.

When I had my first baby shower (1990), I didn't have the $$$ to buy thank you notes. I mean it, I really didn't have the $$$. All our $$$ went to diapers, clothes, food, and gas. My mother bought some for me and then I lost my list and addresses. I made sure I bought some with Joey. I handed them out personally. I think a Thank You is meant to be sincere, and sometimes people don't know how to make it sound sincere.

If all else fails, though, get on Off Topic and send a big THANKS to those who have helped you.

02-19-2003, 12:26 PM
Raven I do agree with what you said. I have done & will continue to do nice, unexpected things for people & will continue to do so.

I also do agree with what HotWheels said too. A plain & simple THANK YOU is not very difficult to do. She should not have had to ask if the package was received. To me it isn't important if someone sends me a Thank You card in the snail mail but a simple THANKS email should be in order. You can even go in OFF TOPIC & say thanks if you don't know/remember who if is from.

I just want to go on record here, I have never sent for more than 1 freebie nor have I made up a business name. When I vent/whine... trust me...my real world is probably 10 times worse that I type on here. And NO, no one has ever sent me anything other than the Secret Exchanges.

With all that said...HotWheels...hun you can bake me homemade bread anytime! *LOL*

~~~~Goes up in a HOT AIR BALLOON & dumps walnuts at MK!!!!!

02-19-2003, 01:03 PM
Originally posted by DBackFan
...because had they really NEEDED the stuff they would have been more grateful.

ITA with you. The least she could have done was say thank you before having been asked.

02-19-2003, 02:11 PM
To all concerned NO it wasn't MK it was someone else. They were begging me to send things to them. SAID THEY WERE DESPERATE.

I had referred them to several places in their area (Aggie's from the same area). I'm not sure if they ever checked into it or not. At this point I really don't care anymore.

Aggie isn't very verbal himself. I guess it comes from being in the military for so long and having the stepmother from H*LL.

My family on the other hand is very caring, close, verbal (sometimes loudly), emotional, giving. Something Aggie has had a hard time w/since he wasn't brought up that way.

After the holidays when everyone was gone he showed his gratefulness w/spraying w/shaving cream on the bathroom mirror

hotwheels (put real name) I love you so much and thank you from the bottom of my heart for a great Christmas. YOU DID IT.

That really made me feel special. He gave his thanks w/o saying a word. It really meant a LOT to me.


Didn't I reply to your post about this??? If yes, then it is the same person. Haven't you seen them on here???? I have.

02-19-2003, 02:23 PM
Yes you did reply to my post, I have seen her posting what a scam artist I love the email me if we have a trade post then when I do you ingnore so many times I can't count! I also like how everyone thinks she is so wonderful. if she was why did she rip me off for $15.00?
Oh yea she also plans to start selling again in a couple of weeks..

02-19-2003, 03:37 PM
I will come out and post. I am the person she is referring to. I did email her and thank her. She says i did not. I did, I do not know if she got it and i am sorry if she did not. She made a great xmas for my son, as my husbands family didnt help out with xmas for my son at all. She also sent some things for me that were wonderful.

i DID NOT beg for anything!! She offered to send me some things and she kept offering other things as well even ciggarettes because we both smoke. When she told me she wouldnt be able to send everything i told her not to worry about it that anything she could send would be fine. I never once begged her for anything. She kept saying she was sorry for not getting everything to me sooner and i kept telling her to take her time. I understand how things are. I am very grateful for what she did for me and Nicholas. I am sorry that she didnt get the email or if she did then chose to ignore it?

As far as Nikkole. I posted in FSOT to make good on any trades i hadnt got out. I will be sending your things out by friday. I didnt do this on purpose but with the way things were here my mom came and got me to stay with her for a month in Michigan. I did not get back until the 8th of February, i had planned to be back by the end of January which is why i originally stated the items would be sent by then. My emails were lost which is why i posted in FSOT.

I am sorry about everything and I will totally understand if anyone can not understand, but i would think that one time or another we have all been in situations like this in our lives. And i know that alot of trades with other users have been delayed even longer than this due to circumstances.

So I know there is one other person i have traded with that i am trying to contact but i do not have her email or user name...so if you see this then please email me so i can get your items to you as well.


02-19-2003, 04:19 PM
I am sorry about everything and I will totally understand if anyone can not understand, but i would think that one time or another we have all been in situations like this in our lives. I understand

02-19-2003, 04:22 PM
Sorry, you can at least say thanks when someone goes outof their way. I too had a hard year and a very nice person here sent my son something for christmas. I never got it. (probably lost in the mail) :( But I thanked her for the thought anyway. It was a kind and caring thing to do. Not many people even care anymore these days. Its refreshing to see that there are a few who still do care.

02-19-2003, 06:03 PM
I sent Tigerseye something before Christmas b/c I wanted to. She ended up not getting it but, SOMEONE did (it had delivery confirmation). I don't know what happened, but I offered to resend it after Christmas, and she was totally sweet and said not to worry about it. She wasn't begging or anything. She also mentioned that people at BBS were really generous and kind, and I could tell she appreciated everyone a lot.

I don't know what happened in this situation, and I'm not even gonna guess, but I wanted to share my experience w/her as a person. :)

02-19-2003, 08:38 PM
Reading this post made me feel bad. Back before Christmas, I made a post in a thread about what to do when you couldn't give your kids a nice Christmas. I had two people ask me to email them. Honestly, I didn't know what they wanted, I thought they wanted to talk. I hadn't made any friends on BBS up to this point and, since I wasn't asking for help, just moaning and groaning, I didn't realize they were going to offer help. I was tickled to death and very cheered up when they replied to me that they wanted to send some things. One other member posted that she had several extra things lying around that she couldn't use, so I emailed her inquiring about them, with every intention of using my paypal to buy some of the things from her, or at the very least pay shipping for the things.

What ended up happening was one of the nicest experiences I've ever had. One of the people who asked me originally to email her, Melodyjl, sent me a box of assorted girlie things (I have four girls) and she even put in a few things for me. I was super appreciative of this, because I know that she was having a difficult Christmas herself, and I thought it very sweet she would share what she had with me. She and I emailed a couple of times, and I thanked her in email.

The other person was the one I wrote to about the things she had extra, Aunt2Makayla. She was a bit of a sneak, asking me what sort of things my girls liked, claiming she was going to look and see what all she had. Well, she ended up literally "adopting" my family. She and her husband sent us several boxes of things. She went out shopping for my kids and bought them several gifts each, even ordering a doll for my youngest from Amazon because she felt like she wasn't getting an equal amount of gifts. She put off buying a present for her own daughter to do this for my daughter. She sent me gifts, too, and even included a very nice bottle of Armani cologne for me to give to hubby. She sent us a very nice breakfast basket that was loaded with stuff that came in a beautiful wooden basket, and then after Christmas I received yet another gift of a sausage and cheese box. Heck, she even included wrapping paper so I could wrap the gifts for my kids! I was bowled over by this, because it seemed every day for a week I was getting a huge box from this girl and her husband, and I could NOT stop crying the whole week. Not tears of sadness, mind you, but of relief and joy and happiness. She and I exchanged a few emails, too, in which I thanked her.

I guess I didn't post this before publicly because, ashamedly, I was a little embarrassed to admit I'd gotten help from anyone. But then reading this thread made me realize that no one is going to look down on me for that, and that these gals deserve a huge public thank you for what they did for me and my family. So I wanted to thank Melodyjl and Aunt2Makayla for giving my family a wonderful Christmas. Without you two, we wouldn't have had anything. I've lost touch with both of you, but it doesn't mean that I don't think about you all the time and appreciate still what you did.

Because of some of the posts I read about people being upset that the person they sent something to didn't bother to respond at all, I wanted to also add that there was one other person who said she was going to send some things. I know that she had some things happen unexpectedly, so I don't know if she did or not. I didn't receive anything, (and that's TOTALLY okay, believe me, my family was blessed *tremendously as it was) but I just wanted to post it here, because if she *did send something, I didn't get it, and I don't want her to think I am an ungrateful, selfish person. I did appreciate the thought and the offer, very much.

Anyway, I'm done rambling now. Again, I just wanted to publicly acknowledge my family's "Christmas Angels", because I guess I hadn't really realized that it's nice to feel appreciated. I'm sorry for that Melodyjl and Aunt2Makayla. You guys are the best, you're truly sweethearts. (((( Melodyjl )))) (((( Aunt2Makayla ))))

02-19-2003, 10:29 PM
i DID thank her more than just yeah thanks!
I appreciate everything that everyone has done for me and my family on BBS...alot have offered kind words when i needed them the most etc. BTW thank you again Mandy :)

02-20-2003, 02:46 AM
Emotions are running so high on the boards lately. And in what seems like a very wishy-washy opinion, I agree with several different views on this. Because it's not cut and dry.
Do I think a person should say Thank You when someone goes out of their way to help them? Yes
Do I think that if no thank you is received that the person is ungrateful or "scamming" them? Not necessarily.
Do I blindly think that all people are sincere and wouldn't ask for help if they didn't need it? Absolutly not, but who am I to judge?

cjc5263 is right! What goes around comes around. So please don't let bad feelings keep you from helping in the future. Hotwheelstx (like so many others here) obviously has a heart made of gold, or she wouldn't have offered to help in the first place. Tigerseye0420, I don't know you, I don't have the right to judge you. I do hope the two of you can work things out so there's no bad feelings between you.

02-20-2003, 07:07 AM
I myself don't mind helping but I would like to know that you got my items.
Like the baby clothes I sent that girl I felt hurt that I went out of my way to help and I did not even get a thank-you or email to let me know she got them.
As far as me not understanding, I do I have my own problems my 2 year old son has asthma after having a what I thought was a cold for a month ,I almost got a divorce after being married for 5 months and thats just for starters not to metion my husband works 24-7.
I know alot of people here have problems And I sympathize but as far as being late on a trade I myself have been late I'm not an angel, I should not have to flood you with emails to get a response or get so mad I wanna report you to bad traders list.
It take seconds to say hello so and so came up, I will keep in touch about our trade.
I would of been more then understanding.
But to email me twice in January and a few days ago about an unfinished trade from December, I'm a little upset.
You say I'll send you your items at the end of January, it's now the 20th of Feb could you of not emailed me to say there was a delay or something came up?
I'm the most understanding person but when I get strung along I tend to loose my understanding and patience...

03-10-2003, 03:09 PM
"How do you know that a person is truly in need?" my husband asked me as I was packing up my Santa boxes, and so did many of my friends. My response was it didn't matter. There are those scam artists, even on this board. I have heard the stories. I am blessed ! I work only because I want to,my family has enough to eat,we pay our bills each month. I feel that it is important to help people! The government doesn't help with presents for our kids. I think that is is just as important for a child to feel loved as fed. I also think that it is vital that we show support for those that just need a little help once in awhile. The families that my family helped never needed to thank me. Many did, while a few did not. I got my reward on Christmas morning knowing that a family had breakfast,and a few treats for them under the tree.
The people here at BigBig are always looking for that great deal. I found that deal. I get far more that I can give. Kindness is one he** of a freebie!
I am off of my soap box now. You can all go back to you your regularly scheduled activites.

03-10-2003, 03:27 PM
well now i am going to put in my 2 cents
i recived a package for brooke from sandytrap and i thanked her all the clothing was very nice as me and hubby liked all of it i really appreciate the presents i got for brooke even though it was after christmas i am sure brooke will love them too when she can start wearing the clothing
thanks again sandy
i wish i could help her out now but things are still a little tight as soon as we get back on our feet i will send something to her

03-10-2003, 04:31 PM
this is a prime example of the world we live in. i am so thankful that i have instilled this in my kids. even the baby can have the sense enough to thank someone for things they do and even in the correct context. there is no reason for such disregard for someone who does something for you. I feel you should let us all know who this is so that we don't fall for the same line. that is really a misuse and who knows that she really did NEED the things you gave her. please don't let this discourage you. you did a good thing and it will come back to you. HEY HOW ABOUT A RAOK FOR YOU!!! send me your addy and it is on its way. email here (goddes7@bellsouth.net) :D

03-10-2003, 05:01 PM
O.k. re-doing this. I just read all of the posts. I hope that these two can repair what hurt feeling there are.


03-10-2003, 05:38 PM
Don't think so. She hasn't written or sent a card like she promised since she returned nor has she written to me, either.

All I really wanted was a thank you and I couldn't get that much. I also sent her newborn some clothes (brand new). I think the least that could of been done is to tell me if they fit.

Granted, I was late in getting the package out. I still took the time, effort, boxed and went to the post office to make sure it got to them before she left for their trip.

I'm always willing to help but, if you don't really need/want/appriciate it then don't ask.

At least they could of let me known when they were back home. They didn't even do that much.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

03-10-2003, 06:21 PM
I hope you two can work it out. She did post in this thread and said thank you.

Good luck!!

03-10-2003, 06:42 PM
I'm a firm beliver in doing nice things for nice things sake. Period. When I donate things, I don't get receipts - I'm not doing it for the tax write-off. When I give things to people, I don't need to see my name in a church bulletin, or recieve a thank you card, or sometimes, quite frankly, even have the person know who gave/sent him/her the gift or needed item. I like doing things for people. I like picking out something I think someone will like or be able to use, and I like knowing that I can ease a worry or bring a smile to someone's face. The thank you isn't why I do it. It's not even "an added bonus" or "something nice." If I do something and expect something in return, then that to me seems like a duty or a chore. If someone says thank you, well now, that's just fine, but I don't expect it or need it.

And BTW Jessica, I have a Nicholas too:D

03-10-2003, 07:28 PM
Personally I believe this isn't anyones business but those of the parties involved. Posting these types of issues only causes embarassment, hurt feelings, and dismay. Just my 2 cents...

On another note this is why I choose not to "help" people online. If I give charity it is to those whom benefit in local communitty. Or if my online friends, the ones I've known for years, need the help than they get it.


03-10-2003, 07:50 PM
Originally posted by hotwheelstx
Don't think so.

O.k. I don't want to get flamed for this.....but is'nt coming forth and admitting this mistake humiliating enough??? I mean coming forth to admit it was you takes COURAGE. So, to sit there and say No outright is just plain ole' holding a grudge. Then what good was the intent of the package in the first place???

To give is to GIVE not to recieve in any way shape or form. Like I said I don't wanna get flamed for this.


Edited to add: At least the baby is that much more better off because you chose to give!!!! Please try to think of him, and not so much of the thank you involved.

03-10-2003, 07:53 PM
Originally posted by 1busymomma
Like I said I don't wanna get flamed for this.

I wouldn't worry about that - Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, if others don't like it than pshhhhhhhhhhh to them. :p That's how I feel anyhow, and thats MY opinion. LOL :D :rolleyes: ;)

03-10-2003, 08:01 PM
Hehe, yeah true but I don't like having enemies. That's generally why I keep my mouth shut!!! :)

03-10-2003, 09:15 PM
well , i HATE the reply YEA I GOT IT ! That is not nice
at all !!!!!! or no responce at all !!! Yea you got it
once but you won't get it again !!! if you were nice maybe you'd get a monthly box !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!