lisahiser
12-05-2002, 07:00 AM
I just got this in my email!- LOL
To: All Concerned
From: Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I
will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida,
Alabama, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,Kentucky,
Mississippi, Texas and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due
to the overwhelming current population of the earth,
my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies
and Elves Local 209.
As part of the new and better contract I also get
longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in
mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be
in good hands with your local replacement, who happens
to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the
family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls,
however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your
presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his
sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys
insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a
moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a
pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have
an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the
mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one
time and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, On Donner and
Blitzen." when Bubba Clause arrives. Instead, you'll
hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and
Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!"
And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond,
"I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam Safety Triangle on the
back with the words "Back Off!"
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as
"Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life"
will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and
"Smokey and the Bandit IV"
featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of
State Patrol Cars crashing into each other.
And finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you,
I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the
other way when he bends over to put presents under the
tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union 1225
To: All Concerned
From: Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I
will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida,
Alabama, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,Kentucky,
Mississippi, Texas and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due
to the overwhelming current population of the earth,
my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies
and Elves Local 209.
As part of the new and better contract I also get
longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in
mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be
in good hands with your local replacement, who happens
to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the
family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls,
however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your
presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his
sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys
insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a
moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a
pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have
an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the
mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one
time and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, On Donner and
Blitzen." when Bubba Clause arrives. Instead, you'll
hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and
Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!"
And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond,
"I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam Safety Triangle on the
back with the words "Back Off!"
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as
"Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life"
will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and
"Smokey and the Bandit IV"
featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of
State Patrol Cars crashing into each other.
And finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you,
I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the
other way when he bends over to put presents under the
tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union 1225