Iso Free Laughs

[TGONZALES]

I NEED TO LAUGH!! PLEASE TELL ME SOMETHING
FUNNY.

AS IF THE HOLIDAYS DON'T GET ME BLUE ENOUGH.
MY GRAMPA PASSED AWAY ON THE 12TH. MY MOM IS
GOING CRAZY TRYING TO WORK OUT ALL OF HIS BILLS,
ACCOUNTS, ETC. MY DAD FELL YESTERDAY AND HAD TO
HAVE EMERGENCY SURGERY LAST NIGHT. HE BROKE HIS
LEG IN TWO PLACES AND SHATTERED HIS ANKLE. HE
WILL BE OKAY. MY SISTER IS GOING TO HAVE SURGERY
ON DEC. 13TH ON BOTH OF HER WRISTS, THE WRIST BONE
OVERLAPS INTO BOTH HANDS. LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
MY CATS MAY BE SERIOUSLY ILL. ANYWAY, THOSE ARE
JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG. EVERYTHING WILL WORK
OUT,I KNOW, BUT I STILL NEED A PICK ME UP NOW IF
YOU GOT ANYTHING.
THANKS

[Sweetberries]

Accident
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick," retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!" "Oh my gosh...", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where's my Rolex???!!!!"


I 'll get some more for you :D :D :) :)

[TGONZALES]

LOL!
MY HUBBY AND I BOTH HAD A GOOD LAUGH AT
THAT ONE, THANK YOU!

[chort1313]

1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
>
>2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
>
>3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
>
>4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
>
>5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>
>6) Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.
>
>7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
>
>8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
>
>9) Earth ... is the insane asylum for the universe. (dei's note: thank
>the goddess! someone finally noticed!!)
>
>10) I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
>
>11) "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room
>spinning-medicine."
>
>12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>
>13) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
>
>14) I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather ... not screaming
>and yelling like the passengers in his car.
>
>15) God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.
>
>16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>
>17) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.
>
>18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
>
>19) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
>
>20) Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
>
>21) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!
>
>22) "That's It! I'm Calling Nana!" (seen on an 8-year old)
>
>23) "Wrinkled.... Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew
>Up"
>
>24) "Procrastinate..... Now"
>
>25) "Rehab..... Is for Quitters"
>
>26) "My Dog.... Can Lick Anyone"
>
>27) "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
>
>28) "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)
>
>29) "Finally 21, and Legally Able to do Everything I've been doing
>since I was 15"
>
>30) "Arkansas: One Million People and 15 last names"
>
>31) "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."
>
>32) "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN"
>
>33) "A hangover is the wrath of grapes"
>
>34) "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"
>
>35) "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
>
>36) "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music"
>
>37) "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken"
>
>38) "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"
>
>39) "Time is fun when you're having flies"...Kermit the Frog
>
>40) "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ... Cops have nothing to go on."
>
>41) "FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."
>
>42) "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"
>
>43) "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
>for a pig."
>
>44) "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."
>
>45) "The trouble with life is there's no background music."
>
>46) "The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
>
>47) "MOP AND GLOW - The Floor Wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup
>team."
>
>48) "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought
>he was God and I didn't!"
>
>(((TGONZALES)))




__________________________________________________ _______________

[TGONZALES]

ROFLMAO!!
OH..I'M DYING I'M LAUGHING SO HARD!!
THANK YOU!!

[FreeIs4Me]

you can get some more great laughs at Cafe' La Rouge Comedy Club!!!

:D


http://forums.bigbigsavings.com/showthread.php3?s=&threadid=146124


{{{{TGONZALES}}}}

[Sweetberries]

An APB On God

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.
The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"