Jolie Rouge
11-02-2002, 10:47 AM
Dear Annie:
Nearly 30 years ago, my mother-in-law gave us her antique piano when our children wanted to take lessons. When our youngest daughter married, we gave the piano to her since she was the most dedicated pianist.
My husband passed away three years ago. Eight months ago, my mother-in-law called and said she wants "her" piano back so she can give it to her favorite grandchild. I was offended and told her the piano now belongs to my daughter. My mother-in-law began to cry and yell, saying her son was dead and she wants the piano back. I told her it would be wrong to take the piano from one grandchild in order to give it to another.
Since then, my mother-in-law and my husband's siblings have had no contact with me or my children. We are heartbroken. I have been a member of this family for 35 years. Was it unfair of me to keep the piano? What should I do? -- California
Dear California:
Let's give your mother-in-law the benefit of the doubt and assume she is grieving and the piano reminds her of her son. However, unless she gave it with strings attached, it belongs to you, and you can do what you like with it. Nevertheless, no piece of furniture is worth destroying a 35-year relationship. Can your daughter afford another piano? Would you be willing to help her purchase one? Ask your daughter if she will give the antique piano back to her grandmother. Tell your mother-in-law you love her and want to put the relationship back on track. Maybe then Grandma will play a different tune. Good luck.
I completely disagree with Annie.
She gave the piano 30 years ago ? She is grieving over a piano ?
The 'son' has been dead for three years and she is going to throw that in his wife's face as an excuse ?? Sounds to me like someone found out the piano is worth some $$ and that it is the in-laws who are putting furniture over relationships. I would draft a kind but firm letter, send it to the MIL and the sibs - if they continue to act like dweebs you might be better off without them in your lives.
I suggest the letters because there is no telling what MIL has told the rest of the family - been there, done that... I like to have things in writing, and keep a copy for myself.
Nearly 30 years ago, my mother-in-law gave us her antique piano when our children wanted to take lessons. When our youngest daughter married, we gave the piano to her since she was the most dedicated pianist.
My husband passed away three years ago. Eight months ago, my mother-in-law called and said she wants "her" piano back so she can give it to her favorite grandchild. I was offended and told her the piano now belongs to my daughter. My mother-in-law began to cry and yell, saying her son was dead and she wants the piano back. I told her it would be wrong to take the piano from one grandchild in order to give it to another.
Since then, my mother-in-law and my husband's siblings have had no contact with me or my children. We are heartbroken. I have been a member of this family for 35 years. Was it unfair of me to keep the piano? What should I do? -- California
Dear California:
Let's give your mother-in-law the benefit of the doubt and assume she is grieving and the piano reminds her of her son. However, unless she gave it with strings attached, it belongs to you, and you can do what you like with it. Nevertheless, no piece of furniture is worth destroying a 35-year relationship. Can your daughter afford another piano? Would you be willing to help her purchase one? Ask your daughter if she will give the antique piano back to her grandmother. Tell your mother-in-law you love her and want to put the relationship back on track. Maybe then Grandma will play a different tune. Good luck.
I completely disagree with Annie.
She gave the piano 30 years ago ? She is grieving over a piano ?
The 'son' has been dead for three years and she is going to throw that in his wife's face as an excuse ?? Sounds to me like someone found out the piano is worth some $$ and that it is the in-laws who are putting furniture over relationships. I would draft a kind but firm letter, send it to the MIL and the sibs - if they continue to act like dweebs you might be better off without them in your lives.
I suggest the letters because there is no telling what MIL has told the rest of the family - been there, done that... I like to have things in writing, and keep a copy for myself.