janelle
10-21-2002, 01:47 PM
Dear FlyLady
I had to reply to this e-mail because I just reconnected to my best
friend from high school. We had a falling out-more of a
misunderstanding- after we graduated, which has been about five
years. I have since moved several times and am now living out of
state, married and with babies.
Before I moved out of state a few months ago, I was purchasing
newspapers to pack with and came across an announcement that my ex-
best friend had given birth. I clipped the announcement and packed it
with my belongings when I moved.
It was almost a month later when I came across the newspaper clipping
again. I went to the store, bought a congratulations card and sent
it to her thinking she wouldn't really know who it was from-after
all, my last name isn't the same! I wasn't expecting a response.
What I ended up getting was a letter from her in which she poured all
her confusion as to why we stopped being friends-which matched my
confusion as well. She also explained that she had tried to contact
me many times in the past through my mother who told her to stop
calling because I wasn't interested in being her friend anymore. My
mother never mentioned any of this to me.
Ladies, I have had a lot of emotional baggage that I
have "decluttered" over the past few years, my family being the
biggest on my list. So when I read this letter I was angry, but then
the anger turned into hurt, and then into forgiveness to my mother.
This is a big change for me. It says a lot about my personal
development, and about FLYing-finally loving yourself!
Reconnecting to this friend was one of the last shards to make my
sense of peace complete. My issues with my family has been resolved
because I realize that they will not change, they will still be
hateful and miserable, but I don't have to allow them to hurt me
anymore.
I love myself now where I used to take great pleasure in making
myself miserable. I am a WAHM and I love what I do. My house isn't
always the cleanest, but I declutter little by little and it only
takes a few minutes to pick up a few toys or put a few dishes in
the dishwasher to make it look nice.
The best thing of all, is that my little family is growing! My DH
and I have an 18 month old son, and we just found out we are pregnant
again! My life seems to be getting better and better with each baby
step I take!!
FlyBaby in Arkansas
************************************
FlyLady Here: Forgiveness is so hard, I struggle with this too. When
we let go of our anger, forgiveness will come. Usually on both sides.
It is a babystep process. Sometimes we just have to have no feelings
in order to get to the next step. I used to hate my real father as a
child and as I grew up the hatred was eating me alive. It was not my
fault because this is what I was taught by my mother. As I matured, I
realized that this hatred and anger only hurt me. I let it go to the
point that I had no feelings at all, which allowed me to open
communications with him. At the time of his death we had made ammends
and I am very thankful that my hardened heart had been softened.
Think about what we are doing to ourselves by our anger. Let go and
FLY!
I had to reply to this e-mail because I just reconnected to my best
friend from high school. We had a falling out-more of a
misunderstanding- after we graduated, which has been about five
years. I have since moved several times and am now living out of
state, married and with babies.
Before I moved out of state a few months ago, I was purchasing
newspapers to pack with and came across an announcement that my ex-
best friend had given birth. I clipped the announcement and packed it
with my belongings when I moved.
It was almost a month later when I came across the newspaper clipping
again. I went to the store, bought a congratulations card and sent
it to her thinking she wouldn't really know who it was from-after
all, my last name isn't the same! I wasn't expecting a response.
What I ended up getting was a letter from her in which she poured all
her confusion as to why we stopped being friends-which matched my
confusion as well. She also explained that she had tried to contact
me many times in the past through my mother who told her to stop
calling because I wasn't interested in being her friend anymore. My
mother never mentioned any of this to me.
Ladies, I have had a lot of emotional baggage that I
have "decluttered" over the past few years, my family being the
biggest on my list. So when I read this letter I was angry, but then
the anger turned into hurt, and then into forgiveness to my mother.
This is a big change for me. It says a lot about my personal
development, and about FLYing-finally loving yourself!
Reconnecting to this friend was one of the last shards to make my
sense of peace complete. My issues with my family has been resolved
because I realize that they will not change, they will still be
hateful and miserable, but I don't have to allow them to hurt me
anymore.
I love myself now where I used to take great pleasure in making
myself miserable. I am a WAHM and I love what I do. My house isn't
always the cleanest, but I declutter little by little and it only
takes a few minutes to pick up a few toys or put a few dishes in
the dishwasher to make it look nice.
The best thing of all, is that my little family is growing! My DH
and I have an 18 month old son, and we just found out we are pregnant
again! My life seems to be getting better and better with each baby
step I take!!
FlyBaby in Arkansas
************************************
FlyLady Here: Forgiveness is so hard, I struggle with this too. When
we let go of our anger, forgiveness will come. Usually on both sides.
It is a babystep process. Sometimes we just have to have no feelings
in order to get to the next step. I used to hate my real father as a
child and as I grew up the hatred was eating me alive. It was not my
fault because this is what I was taught by my mother. As I matured, I
realized that this hatred and anger only hurt me. I let it go to the
point that I had no feelings at all, which allowed me to open
communications with him. At the time of his death we had made ammends
and I am very thankful that my hardened heart had been softened.
Think about what we are doing to ourselves by our anger. Let go and
FLY!