~Adoption~

[NYC Girl]

Hello everyone...hope you're all having a great day. :)

My husband & I are in the process of an adoption and I wondered how many of you have had any type of experience with it, whether as an adoptee or an adoptive or birth parent?

[mother-of2]

When I was 17, I had a baby girl and gave her an opportunity that I could not give her by having an open adoption.

[lilmeanie43]

Well, I am not an adopted child and I haven't yet decided to adopt (we are having trouble getting pregnant, but want to try other options first).

But, my mom put my brother up for adoption when he was born. I didn't know for a long time, until my dad told me out of spite and she had to tell me about him. I don't remember it, but I met him when I was like 6 and he was 8... we didn't know about being brother/sister. When I was like 13 I got to talk to him for the first time on the phone and when I was 18, I drove out to California and got to meet him. We aren't really close, he has his life and I have mine, but he loves our mom and is greatful for what she gave him... he grew up with 2 very wonderful adoptive parents and a little brother (they conceived 6 months after they adopted my brother... big surprise for everyone). I got really lucky with finding him tho... his adoptive parents families live in the town I grew up, so while it was a closed adoption and very unheard of at the time, my mom got to pick the family she wanted... Is this really the kind of story you wanted? I don't know... just felt like sharing. :) Grats on your new addition, btw.

[MommyG3]

I have a 1st cousin who is adopted, a 2nd cousin who is adopted, but no one has put their child up for adoption. My 1st cousin found her bio mom and found out she lived near where my cous. grew up. Well, I know it is a long process and it is best to start it as soon as you can. There should be something through the Wendy's website that you can check into. I know Dave Thomas was a major supporter during his life since he was an adopted child himself.

I had thought of giving my eldest up for adoption, but I was selfish and kept her. I have told her of this. I also feel bad sometimes cause I think she could have had a much better life. She just gives me hugs and tells me how much she loves me...that usually makes me glad she is with me. (Just a guilty concience cause we didn't have lots of money.)

[Widgetsx3]

I am adopted, as is my sister. We were both very fortunate to be raised by very loving parents. My mom had cists on her ovaries, and was unable to concieve after the removal of the ovaries.

Adoption is one of the greatest gifts you can give to a child. In either circumstance. Either as a birth parent or as an adoptive parent. Occasionally we were teased as kids, but as my Mom always told me...other parents were stuck with the kids they had...my parents CHOSE me.

I am currently doing a Birth Parent search with the help of a BBS'r (Thank you Christy for all your help so far!!!!) I am not looking for another parent, I am looking for medical information to give to my kids. It sux when you fill out the family history forms, and I don't know is your standard answer. These days adoption is a much more open and giving. My only advice is to get as much medical history info as possible. It can be very valuable later.

Good Luck!!!!!!!

[NYC Girl]

Thanks for replying everybody....being this is such a major thing in our lives I enjoy hearing about how adoption has touched others, whether good or bad. :)

[schsa]

When I was growing up 2 of the kids that were family friends were adopted. I can still remember going out to dinner just before Christmas and it was Frankie's first time to be out with everyone. We were at a very nice ski resort and all of us kids are sitting around the table thinking filet mignon. Here was little Frankie sitting next to his soon to be adopted dad. Red asked Frankie what he would like to eat. (this place had the best menu and we could order anything we wanted including Shirley Temple's). Frankie turned to Red and asked if he could have a bologna sandwich because that's what they had at the orphanage.

I still think of that time. Frankie was about 4 and he was such an "Oliver Twist" looking kid. As kids we almost laughed but now I think of how his life was about to change because of the people who adopted him.

Frankie now owns a very nice antique store in downtown Chicago that specializes in English and European antiques. He is married and has a child of his own. He was given the best education, travelled around the world and got a great education.

Billy was the other son. Billy was adopted as a baby because his parents had died in an automobile crash. His greatest moment was in 4th grade when he had to get up in front of his class and tell them what he was grateful for. He said that he was grateful to have been adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Johnson.

Billy works with their oldest son David. They have an extremely successful construction company together.

What more cah you ask for?

[Merryg]

My Dad and his sisters were adopted together - thankfully. I am all for adoption. The one thing I can't stress enough though is to gather all the info you can about the biological parents - names and medical info.

For the past, oh about 14 years I guess - I have been trying to locate info on my biological grandparents. Thankfully we knew who they were and why my Dad was put in an orphanage - mother got instutionalized for Tuberculosis and father abandoned them. We only had one picture of my Dad's Mom - that's it. No pictures of his father. Through research I was able to find out when he died and where he was buried - but we have no medical info. I don't know what my past is on my Dad's side as far as ancestry goes. It is VERY frustrating to not know where you came form as far as d=family lines go. As for my Dad and his sisters, they would get interested in my research but I can see alot of pain also in that interest. We had a GREAT relationship with his "adoptive" parents. They were viewed as their parents . . . their Mom and Dad. Now that they are gone, unfortunately we lost contact with that part of the family = except of course for my Dad's two sisters.

But to not go on and on - just gather info on the biological parents such as names and medical info and at least one picture if possible. Not to say that you need to present to the child, but when that child is ready to know about who they are and where they came from - at least you will have the info they want. They will truly be greateful.

[works4me]

I've been doubly blessed by being adopted and by adopting our daughter. Both are very special blessings I am grateful to my birth mother for giving me a better life than she could have, and I am grateful to the birth mother of my daughter for giving me this lovely child. God bless and good luck!!

[NYC Girl]

It's great to hear about how adoption has touched all of you. :)

Merryg.....our children are being adopted through the foster care system and will be 100% aware they're adopted. We'll be given whatever information the state has and sometimes that's very little. The birth parents will have already had their parental rights terminated due to abuse & neglect. This is not the type of thing where they're giving up their children so thay can have a better life. It's such a shame, they're are so many kids in foster care and they all need permenent famalies. :(

[jadegentle]

I was adopted at 12 days old. My adoptive parents had 3 boys naturally, so I don't know why they adopted me, but not really that worried about it. I was lucky, I have good parents whom I love deeply and great brothers who never made me feel to be anything but their little sis. I don't know anything about my biological parents other than my bio. dad was married, just not to my bio. mom. I want to find out more, but I was adopted thru Catholic Social Services, and I can't afford the cost right now. My DH and I have had two boys naturally, but because of problems with their deliveries, we are unwilling to take any more chances, so we want to adopt an older special needs child someday.

[Merryg]

I don't want to give the impression that I oppose adoption. I am TOTALLY for it!! Just think of the options other than adoption - I'd rather there be a child placed in a loving, accepting home with a true family. I just wish that thru the adoption system - there would be a way to give certain info to the adoptive parents so that when the child is ready - mentally - they will have the medical info and at least one picture to know who their biological parents are. Adoptive parents need to not be afraid to give that info to their adoptied kids. Remember anyone can become parents - but it takes someone special to be a MOM and a DAD. Being adopted and not having any background on your family lineage and especially medical info not only affects the adopted child, but it passes down to future generations. Imagine knot knowing your ancestry. As an adult think of family lines you talk about, you research . . . . think of having kids and looking at their traits and wondering which member of the family they get their traits from. Think of sitting in a doctors office and not being able to fill out family history because of that lack of knowledge. Certain diseases need to be known in families. I am also not saying that the biological paretns should be involved in the child's life. In too many cases, those rights should be terminated. I just want the info to be passed along - a picture passed along. Just wish that was included in the paperwork somehow.

Good luck to you and your family and God Bless You for opening your hearts and arms to another person to be included in your family!;)

[Tigerseye0420]

My mother was put up for adoption...her mother already had 3 boys and decided to put my mother up for adoption (she was born in germany) My nanny and papa adopted her when she was 5 months old and they also adopted a boy who was 6 months old and brought them back to the states! My mom's adopted parents were the best in the world and my mom and our whole family loved them more than anything! They gave both of their adoted children the best they had to offer!

My husband was also adopted and his parents gave him a great life as well...he loves them alot and they love him just as much as they love there real son and have given him everything the same! Which i think is great!

[Dolly<3]

My sister and I were adopted when I was 3 months and she was 3 years, by our biological aunt & uncle. We've known our bio. mom all our lives, and my sister went to live w/her when she was older. My parents gave us what she wasn't able to, and more. I love them more than anything in the world, and wouldn't have wanted it any other way. :)

I've never felt any different from the rest of my siblings (11 of us total) except that I'm much younger than they are. My mom had 3 girls and my dad had 5 boys when they met. They each adopted the other's kids, and then they eventually adopted my sister & I. I also have a bio. brother, but he was adopted by my bio. great grandmother. (long story)

There was only one time in my life when anyone said anything negative about me being adopted. My fiance's neice, when she was ticked off at me for yelling at her mom for coming into my house w/o knocking, and when the doors were locked. (another show, lol) I was 19 at the time.

When I told me mom, she said that I may not have been *chokes up* born in her belly, but I was born in her heart. Personally, I'd rather have it that way.

I plan on adopting kids, and giving birth to kids as well. (2 of each, if everything works out perfectly.) If we can afford, love, care for, and treat them well... I don't see any reason not to give someone a life they deserve. :)

[cowgirlup6908]

<sniff, sniff>
it is sooo good to hear some good adoption stories...
a couple at my church couldn't concieve so they adopted a little girl...paid for the birth and everything...(the birth mom had 3 kids she didn't take care of proper and the baby she had was from cheating on her hubby)...anyways..they got her..then at 3 months when they went to sign the final adoption papers, the birth mom showed up with a lawyer demanding her baby back (6 months to change mind in texas...ugghh)...so they had visitation for a while...they went to court the first wk of this month and lost all rights to the baby cause the mom wanted her back...regardless of how she could care for her.....
i think that is soo unfair...but that's me...

i didn't mean to bring down the thread...just wanted to share why i was sooo happy to see that some adoptions do work out for the best...
i applaud anyone that gives up a child for adoption....:D

[Jaidness]

no adoption stories here just wanted to sy good luck and how touched I am that all of you shared your stories and your lives.

[NYC Girl]

It is great to read all these stores. We're in the middle of our homestudy and we're getting really excited. :)

merry...you're so right about the medical history....actually any history at all would be great. All we'll get is whatever the case worker has and most of the time, it's very little. :( Some of these kids are removed under bad situations taking little more than the PJ's they're wearing. :(

[bpl76]

I was blessed to get my oldest son when he was 4 days old. He is the joy of my life. He has known from day one he was adopted. My second son was biological and is also another joy of my life. Second son was jealous for a long time caus big brother had two mommies and daddies even though he didn't know the biological ones aat all. When adopted son graduated from High School and was also 18 his graduation gift to himself was a trip back to Wyoming where he was born(we were living in Oregon at the time). I assumed he was going to try and find biological parents as he could do it legally and easily in Wyoming. When he returned home I asked him about it and he looked at me as if I had lost my marbles and said, "Why would I do that? You're my Mom." Naturally I cried. ;) Remember, biological children are conceived in your womb while adoptive children are conceived in your heart. Best wishes and enjoy!!!

[hiltonqueen]

When I was younger, I gave two babies up for adoption. They were both open, and I'm glad that I made those choices... even today. They are 12 & 13 now & are healthy happy children.
I get so angry when young women break the hearts of deserving adoptive parents... you know, go through the whole process, promise the baby, & then change their mind. It's not right to play with peoples emotions like that. Especially if they live a seedy life that would be harmful for a child... I was single, & not financialy stable... I wasn't ready for children. Some may say, then, why did you take the chance? I was sexually active at a young age, & I just simply had no common sense. I think that I made adult choices though, chosing adoption over abortion... wouldn't you agree?
I knew from the beginning that the baby I was carring, wasn't mine, but in fact, the adoptive parents child... I was simply a host. I'm not going to say it was easy, but the look on their face & the happiness that that new life was going to bring to their lives... was enough for me to get through it.
I do however welcome the day that they decide to knock on my door & say hi... I'm ready now.

P.S. Now I'm happily married (7 years), with two boys... ages 5 & 6... and a new baby girl on the way :D

[menanamama]

Originally posted by YardSale
Hello everyone...hope you're all having a great day. :)

My husband & I are in the process of an adoption and I wondered how many of you have had any type of experience with it, whether as an adoptee or an adoptive or birth parent? both actuLLY
just one bit of advice: don't lie to the kid to protect them from getting hurt
i was hurt more by it being hidden...loss of trust and really awefull feeling
nil was adopted...still sees his real mom even...very will adjusted but it is a long difficult process...luck to you.

[NYC Girl]

Great stories everyone!! It's nice to read what everyone has gone through!!

h2223m...I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Our children will be adopted through the foster care system so they already know they're adopted.

[hiltonqueen]

h2223m...I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Our children will be adopted through the foster care system so they already know they're adopted.

I can answer that question for you. Many times babies or young children are adopted by parents that don't want to tell them that they are adopted. In my opinion, they are insecure and are affaid that the child may want to search for it's "biolgical" parents.
It's very selfish.

[patches223344]

my husband his brother & sister are all adopted

my mil found the following verse and had a plauqe
made for each of them:



Not flesh of my flesh or bone of my bone

But unmistakably my own.

Name , never forget for a single minute

You didn't grow under my heart but in it.


I think that this says alot about being an
adoptive parent this hangs in our hall
just outside our bedroom door

[NYC Girl]

patches...isn't that beautiful. My brother is adopted and my mother made that into a plaque for him. :)

hiltonqueen....thanks for replying but I didn't mean that I didn't understand the question. LOL!! Thanks for your help anyway. I thought I had said that we're adopting an older child (over 2 years) from the foster care system so what i didn't understand was how the advice applied to my situation. Maybe I wasn't clear in my post or thought I said which way we're heading but didn't. We're adopting siblings, two, maybe three children through foster care. These children are very aware that they're being adopted. :)

[NYC Girl]

I also wanted to add a big thank you to everyone who took a few minutes to respond. This is such a major thing in our life and whether online or offline, it's great to hear other people's stories and of course, support is always welcomed. :)

[menanamama]

Originally posted by hiltonqueen


I can answer that question for you. Many times babies or young children are adopted by parents that don't want to tell them that they are adopted. In my opinion, they are insecure and are affaid that the child may want to search for it's "biolgical" parents.
It's very selfish. yep...that would be it. if you adopt a very young child they may not know that exactly but may feel something...just be very open and honest. but more often it is because they fear that the child will not be able to handle it. my nil handles it really well and just loves his mom and dad. they will resent you more if you lie to them. me and my sis asked several times and were flat out lied to...not just never told...we were told it was not true time and time again. kind of made us feel like our real father didn't want us...true...and our parents did not like, trust or care about us...not true but made us feel that way...not a good thing.

[menanamama]

Originally posted by YardSale
patches...isn't that beautiful. My brother is adopted and my mother made that into a plaque for him. :)

hiltonqueen....thanks for replying but I didn't mean that I didn't understand the question. LOL!! Thanks for your help anyway. I thought I had said that we're adopting an older child (over 2 years) from the foster care system so what i didn't understand was how the advice applied to my situation. Maybe I wasn't clear in my post or thought I said which way we're heading but didn't. We're adopting siblings, two, maybe three children through foster care. These children are very aware that they're being adopted. :) that is great! my kudos to those out there willing to take on more than one kid and keep a family together! but young as that they may not fully realise or understand...that is where i was heading..**** two...they don't really have any lasting memories.

[hiltonqueen]

hiltonqueen....thanks for replying but I didn't mean that I didn't understand the question. LOL!!

I'm sorry, but your quote below said that you didn't understand.


h2223m...I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Our children will be adopted through the foster care system so they already know they're adopted

Congratulations on your decition t adopt an older child... they are too ofen looked over because people want a baby instead.

[NYC Girl]

Yes, we actually started with inquiring about an infant through private adoption but recently changed our mind. We just went to a meeting where they showed us slides of all the waiting children. It's so heartbreaking...some of them are in sibling groups of 5 and 6!!

[reneep45]

Originally posted by cowgirlup6908
<sniff, sniff>
it is sooo good to hear some good adoption stories...
a couple at my church couldn't concieve so they adopted a little girl...paid for the birth and everything...(the birth mom had 3 kids she didn't take care of proper and the baby she had was from cheating on her hubby)...anyways..they got her..then at 3 months when they went to sign the final adoption papers, the birth mom showed up with a lawyer demanding her baby back (6 months to change mind in texas...ugghh)...so they had visitation for a while...they went to court the first wk of this month and lost all rights to the baby cause the mom wanted her back...regardless of how she could care for her.....
i think that is soo unfair...but that's me...

i didn't mean to bring down the thread...just wanted to share why i was sooo happy to see that some adoptions do work out for the best...
i applaud anyone that gives up a child for adoption....:D

[mimi37]

I am not against adoption but I do have a sad adoption story. My brother and his ex girlfriend lived together for about 6 years. They had 3 children together. One day they were getting ready to go to church and their oldest son wanted to take his sunglasses and couldn't find them. He was almost 5 at the time and he started throwing a temper tantrum. My brother's girlfriend dragged him out into the kitchen and started hitting him. Later when they went to church, bruises were beginning to show. Not wanting to get in trouble, she turned the story around and said that my brother hit him.:( My brother was arrested. The children were taken away from their mother about 2 weeks later. Somebody had called CYS because they had lice. My brother never got to see his children again after that. They were placed together in a foster home. Their mother had supervised visitation rights every week. My mother, sister and I repeatedly called the caseworkers and begged to be allowed to see them but we were told we had no rights. We weren't even allowed to send them a card on their birthday. This happened 3 years ago this past June. We had heard from my brother's ex girlfriend about a year ago that the foster family was going to adopt the children. I just think that it is so unfair that we we not allowed to have any contact with them after they were taken away. Even though they were young, I am sure they must have felt that we forgot about them or didn't care. I just wish that just because a child may have a parent that can not take care of him or her properly, that they rest of the family shouldn't be expected to pretend that they never existed. It is so heart breaking for me every time it is one of their birthdays or at Christmas time because I miss them so much and I wish they were allowed to be told that we do care about them and miss them. I am sorry that this is so long and I didn't mean to take over your thread. This is just a very touchy subject for me.

[kelsie126]

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