Retraumatization

[jaybird]

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think so. For the past week I've been edgy, antsy, moody, restless, not sleeping. I figured out last night what the problem is.

Retraumatization

September 11th is tomorrow.

I haven't accepted that this even happened yet. I can't comprehend that it's been a year. It's surrealistic to me. But I think I've figured out what's wrong. I'm having a very hard time accepting that a year has passed. And I'm having a very hard time figuring out how I should feel and how I should act.

I can't be sad.
There's just none of that emotion left in me, the past year sucked it all out of me.

I refuse to be afraid.
I won't allow anyone that sort of power over me.

And the closer it gets, the angrier I get. I'm f*cking angry. All over again. So I will probably not be around for a few days. Because I don't feel much like joking or posting pictures or recipes, and as raw as my emotions are right now, I might say something that could be totally misconstrued or taken out of context.

I've already turned off the television as of last night. I haven't opened today's paper, nor will I for the next couple days. Everthing I see, hear or read is retraumatizing me. It's retramatizing everyone. I'm going to a candlelight vigil in downtown St. Louis tomorrow. And then to sit in the old Cathedral awhile. To figure out how to deal with this. Because I'm not doing a very good job. Funny, I have all sorts of advice and words of wisdom for everyone else...

Take care, and take an extra minute to tell your family and friends you love them and how much they mean to you. But for the grace of God...

(((((( ))))))

[smeans]

(((((((((jaybird)))))))

[tina z]

(((((((((((((((((Jaybird))))))))))))))) love ya!

[Tasha405]

{{{{Jaybird}}}} I know how you feel.

I want to watch some of the specials that will be on tomorrow but I don't want to all at the same time. But I know if I don't then I will feel guilty or something. Hubby doesn't want to watch any of it. But I feel thats my way of paying respect. I don't know, its just weird for me right now. {{{{hugs everyone}}}}}

[Gia]

I love you {{Janel}}
I am having a hard time dealing myself~:(

[2manykids]

{{{jaybird}}}


I didnt think that it really bothered me but the more I think about it...... I to have had trouble sleeping, my legs shake all the time moody as he!!.It really makes me angry to think they would want to do this all over again and for what to see how many lives a nation they can cause havic to again.I for one am not going to give them the satifaction it is "they"that God should have mercy and when judgment day comes, well....

[jaybird]

http://community.webshots.com/storage/1/v0/1/62/51/49416251EwXlnH_ph.jpg
Remember (http://community.webshots.com/storage/1/v0/1/62/51/49416251EwXlnH_ph.jpg)

[2manykids]

That it so hard to see but one thing is for sure I will always remember.

[Wimzik]

I refuse to watch the coverage on t.v., I will remember but I don't want to relive it. But ever since yesterday I have just been so sad, I have been crying about everything, and I don't cry, hardly ever, I just feel so sad for no reason, I know it is because of Sept. 11th.

(((Jaybird)))

[jaybird]

Originally posted by SuperMellie
I refuse to watch the coverage on t.v., I will remember but I don't want to relive it. But ever since yesterday I have just been so sad, I have been crying about everything, and I don't cry, hardly ever, I just feel so sad for no reason, I know it is because of Sept. 11th.

(((Jaybird)))

I know. I'm very tough-skinned. Things don't get to me. Normally. I know exactly what you're saying. It's as if we don't know how to deal with this at all and the media is beating us up with it. Again.

[Jcowgirl77]

Originally posted by jaybird
Maybe it's just me, but I don't think so. For the past week I've been edgy, antsy, moody, restless, not sleeping. I figured out last night what the problem is.

Retraumatization

September 11th is tomorrow.

I haven't accepted that this even happened yet. I can't comprehend that it's been a year. It's surrealistic to me. But I think I've figured out what's wrong. I'm having a very hard time accepting that a year has passed. And I'm having a very hard time figuring out how I should feel and how I should act.

I can't be sad.
There's just none of that emotion left in me, the past year sucked it all out of me.

I refuse to be afraid.
I won't allow anyone that sort of power over me.

And the closer it gets, the angrier I get. I'm f*cking angry. All over again. So I will probably not be around for a few days. Because I don't feel much like joking or posting pictures or recipes, and as raw as my emotions are right now, I might say something that could be totally misconstrued or taken out of context.

I've already turned off the television as of last night. I haven't opened today's paper, nor will I for the next couple days. Everthing I see, hear or read is retraumatizing me. It's retramatizing everyone. I'm going to a candlelight vigil in downtown St. Louis tomorrow. And then to sit in the old Cathedral awhile. To figure out how to deal with this. Because I'm not doing a very good job. Funny, I have all sorts of advice and words of wisdom for everyone else...

Take care, and take an extra minute to tell your family and friends you love them and how much they mean to you. But for the grace of God...

(((((( ))))))

I know how you feel I myself cant believe that it has been a whole year already and thento think on top of it that there could be something going wrong tomorrow
I wish everyone a safe day tomorrow and to pray for all the lives that have been lost on 9/11/01

[mimi37]

{{{{{jaybird}}}}}

[Kelsey1224]

I can so relate Jaybird. I do not want to relive this terrible time in history.

Hubby and I are going to the movies tomorrow night because I do NOT want to watch all the television coverage. I simply can't bear it!

[the fugative]

{{{JayBird}}}

[KellyA]

{{{Janel}}~~I totally agree with you!I know they are suppose to be having memorials etc. on tv all day~cant picture sitting and watching that same horrific scene over and over again~!I'm sure at some point they will show the clip of the planes hitting those towers again.That scene is forever burned in my mind anyway.All those that lost their lives as well as everyone whos lives have been forever changed because of Sept.11th,2001 will be in my thoughts and prayers.No one can say how each person should deal with Sept.11th,2002~!Every one of us must decide what is best for ourselves and our children.
Hugzzzz to all and stay safe~

Hugzzz...Janel~

[janelle]

Mrs. Bush advised people with children to keep the TV off during this time to protect them.

I watched Oprah Winfrey when she had the woman who was burned so badly and how her recovery has been this last year. I found that inspiring. So I'm just going to watch the programs that show some hope in them. They were going to have a program about the babies that died and I won't watch that. Think we need to pick and chose what we are ready to hear and what would be too much this soon.

We need to do our best with what we do in our jobs and our taking care of our families. That's how we can overcome the tragedy. Go on with life the best we can and show them they didn't defeat us.

[baileyboo]

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling that way. I live relatively close to the crash site in PA and I've thought about going down tomorrow, but I know it will be a mad house. But I think the unity that will be shown there will be great.

Sometimes I wonder if we get hit with more media coverage living where I do because we are so close to that site....

[BearsBunny2]

Thank you Jaybird and the rest for posting your feelings here. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is going through this. I feel lost, confused, depressed, totally stress out. I'm crying again and when I do see the pictures on tv they still shock me as if I'm seeing them for the first time. I've be in hyper-alert mode since it has happen. I wonder if my senses will ever settle back down again. I'm always hyper-alert anyway because I was tramtized as a child but since this happened it is much worse.

[Jolie Rouge]

I am not watching TV tomorrow - the kids can watch vids. I am going to work in my garden in the AM and I am going shopping with a friend & our girls in the afternoon (do our part to revitalize the economy ;) ). After Hubby comes home we are taking the kids to the library to a "Storyteller Hour" - promised to have NOTHING to do with 9-11 and then we are taking the kids out to Ryans.


I think it is HILARIOUS that they have put us on *HIGH ALERT* status - hhmmmmm - serial killer on the loose, West Nile Virus, Terrorist attacks, and a rash of carjacking bank robbers. (and that is just the LOCAL news-events....)

If I get on *ANY* higher alert my head will explode !

[janelle]

It's helping me to watch EWTN on TV. Father Groschelle is so good at talking about this tragedy and others with such calmness and reason it puts things into perspective. The spiritual side of it. He has lived and knows much worse things that happened during the war. Listen to our elders who have been there.

[angelinwaiting]

{{{{{{jaybird}}}}}}


I feel the same way....My emotions are all mixed up right now:(

[janelle]

A correction to my earlier post. The program is on the babies whose parents died. No babies died in this bombing, thank God. Still sad but some consolation. Caught a little of the program just switching channels. It's about the children who don't understand that one parent isn't coming back. I'll watch another time if I can. :(

[jaybird]

Sometimes the littlest, unexpected things lift you up. Like all my kidlets at the day care showing up in American flag shirts, and putting their little hands over their hearts when we took a 'moment of silence' this morning. And a RAOK - someone left American flags in everyone's driveway here (see my RAOK thread)

There is hope...

[nosamiam]

Love ya girl!

{{{{{jaybird}}}}}

[mannerswife]

Janelle I agree with what you said.I am watching t.v. today but I am picking and choosing which program to watch. For me I felt the need to see some of the shows.I am not watching the ones that are continuing to show last years events.As has already been said here I will never forget those pictures in my mind so there is no need to see it again today.