Widgetsx3
09-05-2002, 01:06 PM
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle
with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we
call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will
pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking
at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I
used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink
beer.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring
me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected
to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these
are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect
me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is
a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working,
I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has
to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control
in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
I may miss a whole show looking for it ( though one time I was
able to survive by holding a calculator ).
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I
don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you
listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how could he know where
we're going?
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
about. The answer is always either sex or football. I have to make
up something else when you ask, so don't.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for
Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to
pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair
of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair
is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2002, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the
dishes, and I'll do the rest.
with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we
call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will
pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking
at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I
used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink
beer.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring
me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected
to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these
are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect
me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is
a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working,
I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has
to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control
in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
I may miss a whole show looking for it ( though one time I was
able to survive by holding a calculator ).
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I
don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you
listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how could he know where
we're going?
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
about. The answer is always either sex or football. I have to make
up something else when you ask, so don't.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for
Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to
pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair
of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair
is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2002, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the
dishes, and I'll do the rest.