What would you do?

[littlebell]

A friend of mine told me the other day that she really likes this guy at work. He is married but word is he is unhappy in the marriage. She is living with someone and is unhappy there.She picks and flirts with him and others and not sure if he really knows how she feels. The question is Would you tell him or keep flirting with him or just stop everything but talk to him.I don't know what to tell her.

[Angelseyes28]

Heck this is an easy one......

Married= OFF LIMITS!!!!!

I don't care how unhappy the mans marriage supposedly is, the point is he is still married which means he is off limits!! My husband and I have been married for over 11 yrs and we have had our ups and downs but let me tell you if someone tried to "step in" during one of our downtimes I would use them for target practice!!! Sorry but that is my honest opinion.

[jcw]

Well to me he would be off limits as long as he is married.

[Unicornmom77]

My opionon (and we all have one) is that she should not flirt with this man because I know i have made people around me think I wasnt happy at home without relizing it, and sometimes people really may not be happy but arent willing to leave. My experence has been that is only causes heartache if you get involed with people who are already involved, just my opionon i hope it helped GOD BLESS

[smeans]

what they said.:rolleyes: ;) :)

[Yellow_Rose]

I agree with everyone else,No,Since he is married.

[picklepuss]

You DO NOT mess with a married man!I don't care how unhappy he says he is.If he's that bad off he needs to get a divorce and then she can do what she wants.

[janelle]

Can't add anything better than that. Print this thread and give it to her.

[missymommy]

I agree, married = stay away. It could end up hurting her even more.
She should get out of her bad relationship though. Don't need another man to do that.

[erniemarie]

if her realtionship is bad and she is unhappy, she should tell him exactly how she feels and if she feels she would be better on her own she needs to tell, she will just end up more unhappy and hurting herself and him in the long run - believe me I speak from experience

as for the man who is married, I think what she needs more than anything right now is to be wanted and appreciated by someone, someone to fill the emotional needs she has and are not being filled at home, she sees him as someone who can give her that, I think she should not necessarily be flirting with him but try to be a friend to him, they are both obviously very unhappy and are reaching out to each other because of that, I think they both need a friend who can understand them and can fulfill their emotional needs, and in time he may decide that he is better off without his wife and then he is free to be with her, but until that time they shouldn't be more than friends, both will just end up getting hurt in the long run - once again I speak from experience

[littlebell]

Thanks everyone that is what I was thinking but I don't know what she will do All I can tell her is to not mess with him until get gets out of this marrige if that does happen but don't wait around for that to happen because it mite not happen I know both of the people and I know they would not want to hurt anyone there are people at work trying to get them together which I don't think is right but I can not stop that

[janelle]

Littlebell, you could tell your friend that if she continues to cheat behind her BF's back you will tell him. They are living together and he needs to know what's going on. She would want to know if he was flirting with someone at his work wouldn'd she?

Flirting to get someone to leave their marriage is about as cheating as you can get. You know she is heading for a fall. If she is a friend to you help her. Don't allow her to do harmful things to herself. Try to convince her to tell her BF she likes a guy at work or you will tell him.

[littlebell]

my friend's bf is very jealous of her as it is she can not look at a man without him jumipng on her wanting to know as he good looking.She has none nothing him to make him that way he say it is because he is scared she will do to him what he has done before to his exs I know all the people in this thing and I am stuck in the middle of it even the boss is trying to get the two together because both talk to this one boss. I guess me and the boss need to talk to all of them and se what we can do to help out

[Princess of Power #1]

my friend's bf is very jealous of her as it is she can not look at a man without him jumipng on her wanting to know as he good looking.She has none nothing him to make him that way he say it is because he is scared she will do to him what he has done before to his exs Maybe her BF is jealous because she is flirting with other men! I don't care what kind of relationship she is in with her boyfriend. Until she gets out of her relationship, she should not be flirting with anyone! And the married guy is off limits till he has divorced papers signed by a judge! I really can't understand how anyone can justify cheating!

[Dolly<3]

"I'm really unhappy in my marriage." :rolleyes:
"I'm going to divorce her." :rolleyes:
"I'm just staying for the kids." :rolleyes:

There's no way to know he's really unhappy/getting a divorce/etc. Even if your friend knows 100% the their relationship over, it's just a BIG no-no!

Besides, who would want a man w/o the b@lls to leave his wife if he's so unhappy? ;)

[gonzo]

I have seen so many relationships end because one person 'says' I'm not happy and then every Tom, Dick and Harry trys to fix them up with someone else. A true friend would tell them to either work it out or get out of the relationship. Not start a new one before the old one is over. It's like the friends (who are married) want to live thru the other ones affair. Watch and see if they don't all ask for every detail. Then when the married one gets caught, the friends all go, man I can't believe you did that.
Both of them need to decide to either fix the relationships they are in or end them.
Besides, how could you trust someone that you know cheated on someone else?

[MommyG3]

As the former "other woman", I must say tell your friend she can remain friends with him and talk to him BUT SHE MUST NOT ACT ON HER FEELINGS AT THIS TIME!!! The man and I were involved and his wife came back. Yes, she left him and moved in with another man. I thought they would get a divorce. Now, she is home with her family. Until he has the divorce papers in his hands, she doesn't need him. She needs to concentrate on making her life happier on her own before she involves someone else.

[janelle]

littlebell--if you don't want to approach her BF then get the word out in the office that she has a jealous boyfriend that would beat the crap out of anyone who she cheated with and anyone who would help her cheat. That may cool off the office "friend" and voyeurs. Tell her she needs to tell people her boyfriend is the jealous type and he may go off so she needs to end it with him before starting with another. And I hope she picks someone that is eligible next time.

What kind of office do you work in that would encourage such nonsense? Maybe they want to see two people get clobbered by their partners. Be careful of these people. I wouldn't turn my back on them.

You need to encourage her to find out why she picks losers and unavailable men. Smooches and huggs to you for being a good friend. Sometimes it's very hard.

[kelblend]

I agree married=off limits


also if he cheats on someone he is married to, wouldn't that be some sort of sign that hmmmmmm he could possibly do it to the next one.

[littlebell]

Everyone at work knows that her bf is very jealous.her bf should not be jealous of her talking to guys when he was the one who cheated on her first he had sex with an old gf when they had a fight she has not done anything about how she feels about this guy some would say she flirts and others would say she just talks to him everyone at work picks at each other we are like on big family

[janelle]

Oh, I see what's going on now. It's payback time. Oh my, this gets more like a soap opera each time you tell us about it. She would do better if she dumped the cheating BF and not try to play his game. The married guy is going to be caught in the middle but if he is so dumb to get involved I guess he asked for it. That's why everyone is waiting for the blow-up. Like watching a train wreck. If this is like a big family is pretty disfunctional. All you can do now is stay out of the way. :rolleyes:

[Danny]

They both need to finish the relationship they are in (and unhappy with) before they embark upon another.

Never Never Never have affairs at work!! It seldom works out and then everyone involved is uncomfortable and eventually one or both will lose their jobs. Very bad idea!

A relationship based upon deceit is pretty much doomed from the get-go.

[janelle]

We have a brilliant man right here in our midst. How lucky can we get? :)

[Danny]

Not brilliant - just smart enough to jump over some of the potholes of life and recognize them for what they are. And savvy enough not to make the same mistakes twice and actually learn from them.

Life is better when you think about what you are doing instead of blindly grabbing for whatever you think you want at the moment.

But thanks for the compliment!

[littlebell]

Thanks everyone for what you have said I will tell her and I don't really think she is trying to pay him back for what he has done to her she is not like that she would never sleep with someone just to get back at someone. I will tell her to get the bf out and find someone that is not married and doen't work with her there are alot of good guys out there somewhere she just needs to get out and one day she will find someone.