A piece of useless toilet trivia...from your Auntie Jaybird...

[jaybird]

Q. How far (considering the toilet is empty, all water drained, and it's laying on its side) can a small-boned woman stick her hand up (down) into the poophole of a toilet?
**You know, the hole at the back that EVERYTHING flushes down and into

A. UP TO THE FREAKING ELBOW. :eek: :eek: :eek:

Don't ask. And it's only Tuesday!!! We'll just say that small children shouldn't be in the bathroom ALONE with the door closed and objects in their hands.

I have learned

Spongy bouncy balls do not...
A) float
B) dissolve
C) disintegrate
D) travel through plumbing

Spongy bouncy balls DO however...
A) flush
B) swell when wet
C) lodge firmly
D) turn to concrete when waterlogged

[~MK~]

:eek: :D

[akfatbottomgirl]

IT COULD BE WORSE! *LOL* I haven't figured out how yet, but it can always be worse .... ;)

[jaybird]

Oh don't worry. Dahubby drained it and unscrewed it and removed it from the floor. He worked for 30 minutes with all sorts of tools. Called me in and said, "You're going to have to stick your hand up in there and see if you can FEEL anything."

((I don't NEED to remind you WHAT could be in there that I might 'feel'))

I said, "Fat farking chance. I'll stick my hand up the commode when monkeys fly outta my *ss. Throw the toilet away and go buy a new toilet for a hundred bucks."

2 minutes later, so sorry about my life, I'm up to my elbow in the bowels (no pun intended) of my toilet.

I literally scrubbed my arms from my armpits to my fingertips with a scrub brush and bleach until they were raw and burning. I look sunburned.

GAH.

[ahippiechic]

:eek:

[flute]

BWahahahahhaha

That's getting back at u for laughing at me missing 270 one day :)

[jaybird]

Ya, that's about the same thing. Missing 270 and being up to your armpit in a toilet bowl!
:p

How's our girl?

[crazywhitetrash]

EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW. He!! no would i do that my babe flushed hubbys glasses down a couple of weeks ago (and he's practiacally blind without them) But no sympathy from me i was not gonna check if they were stuck!

i know i'm evil but someplaces i'm just not gonna go:D

[flute]

you are hillarious.

think she's hit a growth spurt.kept me up till 4am sat night/sunday morning. needless to say, no mass for me this past weekend :eek:

The night after that, till 3am. Last night, I took her for a TWENTY minute drive, she didn't sleep a wink...stayed up till about 3 or so. GAHHH

using me as a pacy right now. thank god for the bopppy ;)

[the fugative]

BWahahahahhaha



Leave it to JayBird to PLUNGE right in!! ;)

[jaybird]

Originally posted by the fugative
BWahahahahhaha
Leave it to JayBird to PLUNGE right in!! ;)

I don't even PLUNGE. I couldn't find the plunger if my life depended on it. I can honestly say now, that I've done everything. Well, except sleeping with a camel maybe! :D

Sure would have been a lot NICER to just phone a plumber, but NOOOOOO. Dahubby can fix it. He can fix anything. Must be some sort of Y chromosome thing. Seems to me I was the one that FIXED it.

[~Angel Eyez~]

eeeeewwww:eek:

[anarmywife]

Have my kids been visiting you??? 2 weeks ago we went throught the exact same scenerio except instead of a bouncy ball it was a car. Then this weekend the same procedure all over again and there were like 100 q-tips jammed in there. If i could lock them out of there i would but the 3 year old has to get in there to go potty.

[Queensown]

Well Jaybird, you just gave me reason 1006 on my list of reasons why I haven't yet had a baby. I have to keep coming up with reasons to counter my Mom's pleas to "let her have a grandchild to enjoy" :D

[janelle]

So that's why they have toilet locks in the baby department. Locks the lid down. good investment.

Queensown--tell your mom to become a foster grandmother.

[anarmywife]

TOILET LOCK HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
sorry we actually had a toilet lock on ours- the 20 month quickly learned how to bypass it- worthless peice of **** dont even waste your money- kids are a lot smarter than we think!!!! Dh ripped it off after fixing the toilet since its obviously not worth the extra effort it takes to open the lid.

[Queensown]

lol@the toilet lock... live and learn I guess =)

[Tyt Budget]

Ahhhh, Toiletology. I have a house I rent out JB and my tenants of 8 years moved out April 2002 and just trashed the property (hauled the gorgeous Hotpoint 22 cubic foot refridgerator outdoors and used it for a toolchest; did things to the Caloric gas range that were . . . well, bizarre; smashed a 20' square deck). So all last year my contractor Mel was over there just about rebuilding the damn house. We had to haul away 15,000 lbs. of debris, including a camper shell and two fiberglass boats (wrecked, all 3) that he had to chainsaw into boat/camper chunks and bribe the guy at the dump to let him unload the whole mess.

So I was into Builder Skye mode last year, helping Mel get the house into liveable condition again. It's on a full acre of creekside wooded land. Just gorgeous. That's why we had to haul so much sh*t away. State Farm isn't speaking to me heh heh.

Well I get it into my head that, dammit, I'm going to fix the toilet in the master bathroom off my bedroom. The thing just keeps sticking, and that arm thingy to which the ball is attached was just about rusted anyhoo. This was the toilet that came with the house originally when I purchased it many years ago. Remember this Grasshopper; very important piece of story.

So Mel comes over and walks me through the steps and I did successfully replace the whole pipe/tube/ball/flap/chain thingy deal. I give her her first test flush, and she flushes fine with no leaks. Mel takes off with the old toilet parts saying, "Okay Skye, I'm gonna make a run to the dump. I'll just add these. Should be back in a few hours." And he takes off with the pickup piled high with camper chunks — and my old toilet parts.

Now something appeared strange to me about the flush on my new toilet repair, but it wasn't until I had to do a, er, big job the next day that the anomally became evident: I had given my toilet a sex change; it was now a low-flush toilet. :eek:

My old toilet — and more precisely, its parts — pre-dated the California Low Flush law. What was once the Mighty Mississippi was now the sputtering Colorado! :eek: I had condemned myself to Plungatory! I had to get those old parts back!

Like a madwoman I dash next door to the property (my home is adjacent) and grab Mel whose standing on top of a boat prow chainsawing it's carcass with my Stihl. At first he can't hear me because he has his earplugs in.

"Mel!" I cry, "those toilet parts! Where are they?"

"They're at the dump, where else would they be?"

"Mel. You have to get them back," I say in my panic.

"What?!" he screams. "You want me to go back to the dump and get those old toilet parts?"

"Mel." But he's shaking his head. "I have no surge! You don't understand, this is serious! My toilet is practically a part of my body!"

"Do you realize how much sh*t will have been piled up on those parts by now?"

"Now, Mel. This is serious."

"Why can't you adapt like everyone else?"

I step back, deeply offended. "Never! My toilet is my crucible! It is where I do some of my best writing! I contemplate the meaning of the universe upon my porcelain throne!" I was mortified at the very thought.

He wouldn't do it. So we rigged a workaround by bending the arm to which the ball is attached to get a greater flush. That produced yet another issue: We now had a slight but distinct smell of methane.

"Mel. Do you smell something?" I asked, sniffing the base of the toilet.

"No. I don't smell anything. You don't smell anything. It's fine. I'm going back to work."

"Mel, we have a leak."

"Don't make me deal with this toilet again Skye. Pretend you're on a farm," he says, turning to go.

"Well if I die from methane poisoning Mel it will be on your conscience!" I call after him as he leaves the house, shaking his head and mumbling something about She out of her damn haid that toilet, climb up and dig through that sh*t, get her own damn self climb up on that pile . . .

I now pretend I'm on a farm. But I will have the mighty Mississippi dammit and on that I am unanimous!

[jaybird]

<-<-<---has nearly wet her pants on this one! Good grief woman! :D :D :D

You are just my *happy medicine.* Thanks for the grins!

[Tyt Budget]

Originally posted by jaybird
<-<-<---has nearly wet her pants on this one! Good grief woman! :D :D :D

You are just my *happy medicine.* Thanks for the grins!

LOL. My toilet is my sanctuary dammit. I shall never yield. Never.

















muahahahaha

[jaybird]

The queen and her throne? :D

[Tyt Budget]

Originally posted by jaybird
The queen and her throne? :D

Yes but I'll be damned if that plunger shall be my sceptre! :eek: :D It was a devastating experience. I still haven't recovered.

[sandytrap]

I have a 10-month old son...thanks for the warnings...lol....

[Angelmom]

oh gross, my son's underwear went down the toilet and i've been putting off trying to get them!!

[ahippiechic]

I remember this, jaybird. LMAO! :p

[irrelevant0]

if i may make a suggestion...

a straightened clothes hanger might work. i have not tried this myself and won't mention who has in case they happen to stumble upon this site... :D ;)

[Jolie Rouge]

Originally posted by jaybird
The queen and her throne?



Originally posted by Tyt Budget

Yes but I'll be damned if that plunger shall be my sceptre! It was a devastating experience. I still haven't recovered.

We could spray paint a toilet brush gold and add some pretty sequins & glitter ... :)

[the fugative]

:p


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Tyt Budget

Yes but I'll be damned if that plunger shall be my sceptre! It was a devastating experience. I still haven't recovered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Gee Tyt it sounds like the Ordeal left you Drained and Flushed all at once :p


Bwahahahahahaha

I'm glad everything worked out in the END ;)

Bwahahahahahaha


:D

[Tyt Budget]

I get no respect on this forum!
http://members.ivwnet.com/curious@ivwnet.com/GOGO/46153.gif
None I tell you. I'm taking my plunger and I'm going home. No respect. You know that toilet is important. Oh yes you do. But that's okay. I'm used to being the butt of others' jokes. I can take it. You'll all get yours in the end. See if I show up to provide helpful plumbing data again. I get no respect. And another thing . . .

[newwiccan]

How do I miss these things the first time around!?!

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/kloguck.gif http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/pain30.gif http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/toilet_claw.gif http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/Flush77.gif http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/Flush.gif http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/toilet_claw1.gif http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/SOAT.gif http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/pain301.gif

[jaybird]

I think this thread has gone down the toilet. Literally.

[Tyt Budget]

It sure drains me. ;)

[newwiccan]

Originally posted by jaybird
I think this thread has gone down the toilet. Literally.

:eek:

[Jolie Rouge]

Hey JB --
They all shout "Oh that's
disgusting! How LOW can you go!?!"

"Chihuahuas", Melvin replies.


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!

[the fugative]

:p


Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas
Chihuahuas

;)