His crash was terrible, but come on already!!!!!! - Big Big Forums

whatever · 10-31-2009, 10:46 PM

Okay so my "little" brother ( Was like a brother) died in a car accident on 8/23/09. See pix below. It was a drunking driving accident. And we are Still waiting on results as to WHO was driving the car. Anyhoo so his mom's sister sent me that photo and I put it on my facebook page. Didn't even think about cropping etc. So tonight his mom calls and is REALLY snotty and said I see you put up Adam's picture. I said yes. She said you didn't take the bottles out. I was like No I didn't even think about it. She said "take it down". She didn't ask or anything said it just like that. And she kept saying it.
I was shocked. Adam would be rolling over in his grave if he knew about the way she was acting. Its one thing when people leave bottles at his grave. I get that being kinda of offensive. But HE DRANK!!! He was NO acholic!!
But he did like his beer!!
And yes His DEATH was VERY, VERY tragic!!!!!
But he was either the driver or got in a car knowing his friend was drunk.
I mean what do you think?

nelda · 10-31-2009, 11:22 PM

I'm sorry she got you upset! She is probably not very mentally stable now because of him dying and how it happened. It will take her a long time to learn to live with what happened.

You did nothing wrong! It was nice of you to remember him today.

iluvmybaby · 10-31-2009, 11:23 PM

I hope I dont come off as flaming you, but the boy only died two months and a couple of days ago, have some empathy to his mom. She could have handled it better, but please understand where she is coming from. Whether he was drunk, or was riding with a drunk driver, no one deserves to die and we have ALL made stupid choices, sometimes we get caught/hurt or god forbid, killed.

Lynniesmom · 11-01-2009, 12:04 AM

I think you should give his mom time to come to grips with what has happened to her son, if she ever does; and respect her feelings in the meantime, no matter how irrational it seems. We lost my little brother on 6/11/09. He was driving drunk. He loved to party and drink with his friends, and we all remember that side of him. His friends have gone to his gravesite, with a beer, and poured beer into the ground "for him" I think it is a nice way for them to remember him... my mom flipped her lid when she found this out. Everyone reacts differently, especially when it comes to death of a loved one. I think it is nice that you want to remember him the way he was... but at the same time, living through it myself right now, i can also understand his mom's reaction.

sunniekiss · 11-01-2009, 12:28 AM

I honestly could not imagine what it would be like to lose your child. It was a very nice for you to post his picture on your FaceBook page but honestly I wouldn't have done it with asking his parents beforehand.
It is just too fresh in their minds & especially to have a bottle in the picture. That is just way too much of a reminder for her to handle. Give her a break & remove the picture. If you want a picture of him for F/B look for a picture of him when he was younger perhaps one with ypu & he in it together.

His Mom is going to need alot more time that you can ever imagine. She may never get over it.

msmom79 · 11-01-2009, 01:59 AM

my self i see nothing wrong with the photo,i like it myself,shows how fun he was and that he was happy-so he drank big deal! i can understand the mom being upset,but i wouldnt change a thing-this is how he was and how people remember him,its really no big deal
kudos to you for showing him as he was "HUMAN"

Shann · 11-01-2009, 03:08 AM

Put yourself in her shoes, if that was your child/husband/etc how would you feeling seeing a pic like that? It sounds like she is truly heartbroken (which is completely understandable) and is still coming to terms with what happened. I wouldn't make it harder on her, I would take the picture down as she asked and move on. I agree with sunniekiss, if you want a pic of him, go through and see if you have one of you two together or where there is no beverages in the photo or ask his mom if she has one that you can put up in remembrance. I cannot imagine what she is going through right now and there is no need for anyone to make it harder and argue with her.

justme23 · 11-01-2009, 05:11 AM

I typically agree w/ the things you post... but... she just lost her child, come on already!!! I get that the bottle in that picture doesn't even appear to be in front of him... but it was her child... she carried him in her body for almost a year and then took care of him until he died... that is A LOT to take. You and I, we don't have kids, so maybe you just don't understand what she's going through (I don't either, but I imagine it's a lot like losing a parent, which I have). But seriously, give her a break. How hard is it really to crop a picture? It's not... give her what she wants on this.

Freebeemom · 11-01-2009, 08:51 AM

Do you have a different photo of him? I understand that you respect him and may rationally be able to tell that he ultimately made the choice to drive, but his mom is obviously not in the same mindframe as you are. Was this taken the night he died? I would remove the picture and put up something else....without the alcohol.

iluvmybaby · 11-01-2009, 10:40 AM

BTW I see nothing wrong with the picture, I personally could not see any bottles. And some ppl that drink ONLY have pictures with a beer in their hand etc

Freebeemom · 11-01-2009, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iluvmybaby

BTW I see nothing wrong with the picture, I personally could not see any bottles. And some ppl that drink ONLY have pictures with a beer in their hand etc

Not true! That is quite the blanket statement.