Originally Posted by shadowcats

i went through this in 2002 just three month after my son turned 21 , and i was devastated by this, and i know he drank and smoked, nuff said, but we were raised dont speak ill of the dead and enshrine our loved one no matter what they did or didnt do. they were our babies , our children our furture ,grandchildren . etc, and you should respect her love for her child even if you dont understand it. not to be preaching but unless you birth a child , raise it , rear it and see it go out into this crazy world , you ll not have any understanding of the grief and loss it leaves behind. i would have died in his place if i could have. no parent should have to outlive their children at such and early age. now all i have of him are his pictures and my memories. and dont ruin her memories just because you can t understand her pain, just accept her statements and try to accommodate her wishes as best you can.
what does it matter would her son have really wanted her to have any more pain, he probley was a straight forward person but im sure he wouldnt have minded letting her have her last images of him to be her dream image even if it wasnt true to life.
understand no one wants to think or remember a loved one as a flawed person , they just want to remember the potencial that person could have been to them in furture years. so let her have her dreams. it is hard enough to face the realiaty in furture years that he wount be there for her and she ll never again hold her baby in her arms. and cuddle his hurts. i know this as november 5th is my sons birthday and im crying buckest of tears right now as i write this , missing my boy and his gentle , ways , and him holloring out in the stores when he was younger HEY MOM I LOVE YOU , , even to the last time i saw him , i die each day a little more, and just exist here , i love my husband and i love my other two children , who also miss their brother but he was my child , my baby , my youngest , who i thought would always be there and now is gone. i would feel the same way if any of my other two would die. and the only reason i havent given up and died along with my son is because i have love for my other two and dont want to cause them any more pain than i have to till it is time for me to follow my child to heaven where hes my angel now.
grieveing mother ,
of joshua ramon. :bawling :

Originally Posted by SLance68

I guess the way I posted it wasn't really how I meant for it to come out. We all miss my Aunt and we do let her Mom have her shrine. Heck I think some of us actually started it by pulling out pics and off the wall stuff to give her to remember. Over the years it has gotten easier for her - maybe just accepting that she is gone. For the longest time no one would even mention her name because it would upset her so bad. Now she will tell stories on my Aunt and trust me they are not all good and can laugh and remember her without falling totally apart. Or at least around us she doesn't but probably does in private. We will never know.

I am sorry you lost your son at such a young age and nothing can make up or take the place of that missing part of your life. Sending you some hugs and sorry if I upset you I didn't mean to do that in any way.

Originally Posted by Anniston

Well, you have done what was asked of you, which was kind. From what you have said, she is a person who had issues before he passed, so probably you were not too surprised by all that.

I have a young man in my life who is like a little brother and he loves to partake in the drink! If ever something like that happened to him, I think that I would have posted drinking pics of him too because that is how we all know him. He is by no means an irresponsible alcoholic, just a guy who likes to drink. I would have thought it all innocent, but his family may have a different take on it, due to the stigma.

And to totally contradict my take that I just expressed....over the summer, my friend's young daughter was in a drinking and driving accident. No one died, but the drivers of both vehicles (it was my friend's daughter's fault) were critically injured. I was pretty ticked that several of her friends were posting tribute photo collages of her on FB after the accident of them all partying. I felt like it was putting her at risk because FB is public, and that the pics could possibly be used against her in court. So, though this mom may be a loon, maybe she also worries about the legality of it all.

Originally Posted by whatever

Yeah I don't know what more I can do. I mean I took it down as soon I could.
But now she has her niece saying things. I mean I can't change it was up for a few hours. Whats done is done. Like I said I only looked at him. NOT even thinking about what was IN the photo. It was innocent on my part. It didn't even occur to me she was worried about what people would think of him.....
I don't think she worried about legal stuff. She worried about his appearance.

Originally Posted by sunniekiss

Right now she isn't thinking clearly or rational which is totally understandable. She may never fully recover. She is devistated & I am sure at some level she understands but grief does strange things to people.

If you feel you need to do something send her a card of brief note and just say you will always have her family in your heart & leave it go at that.
The best thing though might be to do nothing at all.

Every thought & memory is like ripping a band-aid off a bleeding wound.

{{hugs to you****