whatever

This is the ONLY photo I have of him (digitally). If I try to scan one it won't come out well. Plus he was alot younger.
I get that he has only been gone a couple of months. I understand that. It has been hard for us. And I can't imagine for her. But she is acting like he NEVER drank. plus that is the photo THEY sent.
But what bothers me is she thinks everyone should think he was perfect. Adam would NOT want that. He would be rolling over in his grave if he heard the conversion last night. You had to know Adam. And she trys to make us feel quilty for going about our lives. I can't explain what she is like. Even Adam would say his mom was Whacky sometimes. He said it all the time. But that was Adam in his own element in that photo with friends, although not in pix. So I get that she is hurt on how he died. So are we.
But its like she is trying to erase part of how he lived. Does that make sense? I mean she gets upset with a few guys who say he drank. She says they make him sound like a drunk...

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My "adopted" brother. Gone but not forgotten. 8/23/09

whatever

Oh and by the way I did crop the pix and put it back up. I'm not going to take that one down. He was my "brother" (legally a cousin).
And as for the comment (can't recall now) about drinking beer at his grave. Boy she would probably try to have anyone arrested that did that. I really don't think she will "outgrow" this. This is the type of person she is NOT because of his death. She has always been this way. If Adam fell off his bike in the road someone must have put something in the road.
And I truly think if she finds out he was the driver she will have a break down....
So i'm crossing my fingers he was not!

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My "adopted" brother. Gone but not forgotten. 8/23/09

SLance68

I can totally understand her reaction. My Aunt - who was a total mess growing up finally got her life together in her early 20's. About a year after she got her stuff together she and her best friend were killed by a drunk driver. This happened in 1980. To this day my Grandmother still has a shrine of her in her home. This is just a subject we avoid unless it is a good story about my Aunt if you are around her Mom. Would my Aunt approve of this if she was still alive - Heck NO but out of respect for her Mother we just don't go there.

So just take the picture down as she will probably never get over this. I have lost a parent and I would think loosing one of your children would be about 1000% harder. My Grandfather lost my Dad and my Aunt within 5 years of each other and he said that "no one should have to bury their children".

shadowcats

i went through this in 2002 just three month after my son turned 21 , and i was devastated by this, and i know he drank and smoked, nuff said, but we were raised dont speak ill of the dead and enshrine our loved one no matter what they did or didnt do. they were our babies , our children our furture ,grandchildren . etc, and you should respect her love for her child even if you dont understand it. not to be preaching but unless you birth a child , raise it , rear it and see it go out into this crazy world , you ll not have any understanding of the grief and loss it leaves behind. i would have died in his place if i could have. no parent should have to outlive their children at such and early age. now all i have of him are his pictures and my memories. and dont ruin her memories just because you can t understand her pain, just accept her statements and try to accommodate her wishes as best you can.
what does it matter would her son have really wanted her to have any more pain, he probley was a straight forward person but im sure he wouldnt have minded letting her have her last images of him to be her dream image even if it wasnt true to life.
understand no one wants to think or remember a loved one as a flawed person , they just want to remember the potencial that person could have been to them in furture years. so let her have her dreams. it is hard enough to face the realiaty in furture years that he wount be there for her and she ll never again hold her baby in her arms. and cuddle his hurts. i know this as november 5th is my sons birthday and im crying buckest of tears right now as i write this , missing my boy and his gentle , ways , and him holloring out in the stores when he was younger HEY MOM I LOVE YOU , , even to the last time i saw him , i die each day a little more, and just exist here , i love my husband and i love my other two children , who also miss their brother but he was my child , my baby , my youngest , who i thought would always be there and now is gone. i would feel the same way if any of my other two would die. and the only reason i havent given up and died along with my son is because i have love for my other two and dont want to cause them any more pain than i have to till it is time for me to follow my child to heaven where hes my angel now.
grieveing mother ,
of joshua ramon. :bawling :

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my son joshua when he was 18 now deceased in 2002 , always remembered always loved

YankeeMary

I am think you should take it down for legal reasons. I mean if they don't know if he was driving and someone else was hurt then it could be damaging, kwim? It can be used against him if he was a driver or not. So IMO, crop it or remove it.

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The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

whatever

I think they are close to "solving" the case. Just not telling anyone yet....
Because they have confisicated (sp) all of the other drives things like cell phone etc. more recently.

I did crop it and its JUST his face now. I did it the VERY same night she demanded me to. But here's the thing. She called last night and she's not upset about the fact there in the picture because of HOW he died.
She's upset as to what people who see the photo will think. She thinks people will think he drinks alot etc.

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My "adopted" brother. Gone but not forgotten. 8/23/09

ElleGee

Well if people don't know the whole story of course it can be perceived as that. Is she fine with the picture now?

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sunniekiss

OP, from the post of yours that I have ever read you seem to be a very nice & loving person & I am positive that you meant no harm in posting the picture & did so as a way of honoring and remembering the young man.

He may have been your brother but he was her child. It may be very well true that he liked to party & drink but right now that is causing the Mom unimaginable pain & to put it there reminds her that drinking took her sons life. Eventually she may feel differently and not have a problem with the picture but right now, please consider giving her time to grieve & take the picture down. Print it, frame it & display it in your home but keep it private.

Yes he might have been upset that his Mom is so upset at a picture but drinking is what got him to where he is right now.

Honestlt if something were to happen to either of my sons, you might as well put me in the grave with them because I doubt I would be ever.

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I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale, I'm not the one who gets swept off her feet.

whatever

She is fine with the current pix I have up. She asked it to be cropped.
Like I said she is still upset over the fact I originally posted the ORIGNAL photo. I did NOT mean any harm by it. I didn't even give it a second thought about what ELSE was in the picture. I just saw his face. All she says is what would people think if they saw the bottles in front of him?
Which I guess I thought I should was upset because he died in a drunking driving incident that just seeing them bothered her. NOT of what my friends might think??
So I get that she is upset. I can't imagine her pain. But I cannot change history. I had already put it up and taken down the orignal...
What more can I do?

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My "adopted" brother. Gone but not forgotten. 8/23/09

whatever

to my knowledge yes. That is what she asked for....

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My "adopted" brother. Gone but not forgotten. 8/23/09

fleabones3

Wow... It's hard to deal with a death, and what doesnt bother 3 people will bother 1. As for me, if it was my child, I wouldn't mind.. even if he was involved in a drunk driving wreck... even if HE was the one driving. I mean so he drank sometimes, so? Who don't ? Those that truly knew her son already knew if he partied or not. Just because you might have a few drinks now and then don't make you a drunk. Now, I know every parent is different,and I know ( thank you GOD) that I have never lost a child, but I would think that as long as some one remembered my son happy, that's all I could ask for

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If ya ain't careful, this flea will bite your arse!