ttistin

Then I would not have to deal with people like this! I am talking about dh's family. I swear they think they can walk all over dh and I and we will just let them. Well we are both over it. Here are a couple things going on at the moment...

I got nominated to host Thanksgiving this year. Ok fine, I sent out emails almost a month ago to everyone asking what who was going to make it and what everyone was going to bring. So far 3 of the 4 girls has returned my emails about what they will bring. The other one will not answer me about it. I have one med sized turkey and dh wants a ham so I am those, I have asked at least 4 times who will bring another one. No one will. They offer to bring a couple cans of green beans or a bag of rolls but expect us to buy the Turkeys. In all the years I have been around this family they have always had 2 or 3 people make and bring a turkey each, so there is enough plus leftovers to be taken home. I refuse to buy another one and I know it is going to cause a problem when there is not enough turkey.

My dd's birthday is Friday, she will be 8. She is so excited. I sent out emails to everyone a week ago letting them know I was going to have cake and ice cream for her on Sunday. So far I have heard from one of dh's sisters letting me know they will be here, Have not even heard from his parents. His older sister emailed me back today because I sent out another email asking them to let me know. She threw a fit because her sons birthday is the 2nd and she wants to do something for him that day. Well sorry I have been planning this for almost 2 weeks, I will not change my plans just for her.

Dh bought an explorer. I was under the assumption it was for us,He got an earful for lying to me about why he bought it. He bought it because he knew his mom needed something different and wanted something 4 wheel drive. I told him to not sell it to his parents, told him to think about it for a few days. Did he listen to me? Nope. They spent almost 2 weeks over here fixing it up and who do you think bought all the parts? Yup we did. (Now remember we did all this with my last pay from my job in Alabama.) They ran out and put it on the road before it was even fixed. They spent almost every night here, I fed them each night. They gave dh a little money towards the parts. He sold them the truck for $500. they both knew it was going to need another transmission, but it would be fine for a little while. They both signed a paper saying they would pay us $100 every 2 weeks till it was paid off. Dh had to ask for the first payment and they said they could only afford $50. Ok so we wait a week and dh calls them up and asks if he can get the other $50 that week or add it on the next payment. His dad starts complaining about how back in the summer when we drove up here to see dh's sister after she had her motorcycle accident and the gas tank in the car went (they paid for most of it and said not to worry about it us paying them back) He asked if they could take that cost off what they owe. Dh said ok Dh calls almost 3 weeks ago and asks for another payment, his dad starts complaining about having to put money in the truck, his mom is yelling in the back ground about not having any money. They make over $50,000 a year, it is just the 2 of them. They have no savings, they only have a few bills, they borrow money from dh's cousin for Christmas (even though she makes all christmas gifts out of stuff she already has) and they can not afford to pay us?

Dh has not heard from his parents in 3 weeks, it was the last time he called them. They did not go to dh's nieces birthday party last week because we can only guess but we would be there and they did not want to see us cause dh would ask about what they owe. Dh has had his hours cut. I am looking but haven't found anything for work yet. We could really use it. Dh is working on the weekends for his cousin and that is the only way we are getting food and gas for the past couple of weeks. We are almost out of propane for our water heater.

Dh is getting sick, he has a low grade temp tonight. Took some NyQuil and went to bed early. He has not had a real day off in 3 weeks. I told him if he has a temp in the morning he can't go to work, he said he has to cause we can't afford for him not to. We have rent due the 1st and we have nothing in the bank.

I have my application in places, one place in particular would be a great place, good hours and great pay. I am going to call again tomorrow on it. I am praying they have not filled it and I can at least get a chance for it.

I wish I could go back to June and talk a little harder to dh about us staying in Alabama. I can not wait to move back down there.


If you got this far thanks....Sorry I have a lot on my mind and am trying to not to talk to Dh about it.

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My mom...gone but not forgotten
8/13/1949 - 10/28/2004

ElleGee

*in with the good air.. out with the bad*

Now grab an axe and go on a 4 state killing spree..

I'd be throwing a temper tantrum..

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ttistin

LOL thanks

I am trying to be quiet but it is SOOO hard. Especially since we moved away almost 4 years ago I have become less shy and will speak my mind more easily. It is dh's family and I am trying to let them work it out, but it won't take much more before I do say something. Then they will be wishing we were still in Alabama lol

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My mom...gone but not forgotten
8/13/1949 - 10/28/2004

gmyers

Man people can be selfish sometimes. They have to know your situation and yet they wont pay you what they owe. It's not like you're asking for a lot from them. I think I'd be going over there and taking the vehicle back and sell it to someone that will pay. I hope things get better for you.

ilovecats

Hugs to you.I've been in your shoes as far as living somewhere where I was unhappy.Luckily my in-laws (for the most part)are good to me.There is one sister-in-law(and her family)we no longer talk to because of sh!t like this.
I hope things get better soon.If not,I think you need to weed out the people who are not doing things in the best interest of you and your family.
It is kinda sad to remove "family"from your life,but if they aren't acting like family why bother having them around?

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ttistin

Dh's name is on the title along with theirs, he won't do that though. He is kicking himself for not listening to me and making them pay for it before they took it. I am not saying told you so either, he is hurt by this and I will not make it harder on him.

Every day, more then once a day, he says how hurt he is. He would be happy if they would just call him. We have pretty much written off getting any more money from them, We recently found out they owe money to all dh's sisters. They are mad at us because the excuse now for not paying them (dh's parents I mean) is that they have to put money in the truck. If we knew about them owing money to them ahead of time we would not have sold the truck to them.

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My mom...gone but not forgotten
8/13/1949 - 10/28/2004

ttistin

Dh has gotten to this point. His niece had surgery last week (thursday) but he was not able to be at the hospital. I went and spent the most of the day with her parents and dh's youngest sister at the hospital.

That night she called me up asking if I would go over and watch over her so she could go to a high school football game. I talked it over with dh and he said for me not to because she sure as heck would not do that for us. Before he would never have said anything like that. Plus we do not have the gas to run way over there. She got mad at me.

He has mentioned a few times that he could care less if he sees or talks to any of them again, I know he is hurt and mad but it surprises me he would say something like that.

I have a feeling that when we can finally move back to Alabama we will not be coming up here very often if ever.

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My mom...gone but not forgotten
8/13/1949 - 10/28/2004

gmyers

Be there for him because I know inside he's hurt by them and wishes it was different. I hope it changes for ya'll but families don't seem to be what they used to be. That blood is thicker than water doesn't seem to apply anymore. I believe if you move off to a different state than they're in they lose touch and closeness. At least thats the excuse I hear. I hope things work out for your family.

ttistin

They have been this way since I met dh, that was almost 13 years ago. It just dh a while to see what was going on. They liked me at first until I stood up and made them stop walking all over dh. Ever since then I have been the worse person, I lie, cheat, steal, will cheat on and leave dh, abuse my kids, uhhh you name it I have done it. According to dh's mother. Since we moved away and then came back dh has really seen it for what it is, they are using him.

We lived 100 feet up the road from dh's parents and 3 of his sisters when i was preg with our middle child. I had put oldest ds in car seat and ran back inside to get a paper off the table I needed. As I was walking out I slipped on a step and broke my ankle. I had to crawl outside and yell for help. Dh' was working on a dairy farm with his dad at the time across from the house they lived in and he finally let told dh I was yelling for help after about 15 minutes of me screaming for help. Dh was not allowed to take me to the hospital, his sister took me. She only had her learners permit. I had the cast on while 8 months preg and not one time did they stop at the house to see if I needed help or anything.

The 28th will be 5 years since my mom passed. While I was at the hospital I would call dh's mom and let her know what was going on, You think she would run over and let my dh know what was going on and take him down to be with me? (we did not have a phone at the house at the time) I had to stand there alone while my mom passed away because she did not want to watch the kids anymore and took them to dh and dropped them off. (We only had one car and I had it) Not one of them called or stopped by after she died to see how I was doing. She then called dh up after a week and asked for gas money for picking the kids up from school and taking them back to the house, all of 5 miles.

I wrote them all off after this. I will never ask or expect anything from any of them again, and if I do please slap me lol

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My mom...gone but not forgotten
8/13/1949 - 10/28/2004

krisharry

Oh, I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and DH. I completely understand dealing w/il's like that. I know you don't want to burden your DH w/this stuff but you really should talk to him and let him know how bad this all affects you. I know he loves his family but DH has got to put your family-you and the kids-first.

One thing I have learned is never lend money to family or sell anything to them esp on payments. DH and I got suckered in to selling his sister a car years ago which his mom was supposed to pay for. Well, that was about 17 years ago and all I ever got from it was a huge headache. Not one dime. So never lend/sell anything that you can't afford to just give away and from what you are saying, you can't afford to do that.

As far as things like b-days, etc. I would invite them to keep the peace but not expect them to come or contribute in anyway. if they show up, great if not who needs them. And as far as Thanksgiving, there is no way I would be hosting a large dinner for all those people if I was struggling financially esp when the ils aren't paying for that car. It just doesn't make sense. It's not too late to cancel it. Make the turkey and ham for DH and your kiddos and enjoy the leftovers all week. Too bad if his family doesn't like it. You can send them all an email saying that due to circumstances beyond your control you are unable to host the family dinner this year. I bet they won't have any trouble responding to that one unlike the emails for your dd's party.

I know you are in a tough situation because DH probably wants to do the right thing by his family. But they sound quite toxic, esp his parents and by helping them he is hurting you and your kids. The main thing is if you and DH don't do something to fix this, it will end up hurting your marriage and your family life. Don't let that happen.

I am soooo glad we moved far, far away from my il's. DH is too kindhearted and they always took advantage. PM me if you ever need to talk, I could write a book about this crap. LOL

Best of luck with this situation.

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"Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever..." by Papa Roach

ttistin

Dh has decided that it is best to just not have anything to do with them. His one sister texted him the other day but he did not respond. He is more tired over it then I am I do believe. He is very hurt, he tried for years to get approval from his parents and never got it. I think he has finally found out he will not get it from them. His sisters can do no wrong, he can do no right. We lived in Alabama for just over 3 years, they all kept saying they would come down for a visit. Not one of them did or even try to, dh bought his mom a web cam so him and the kids could talk and see his parents. She used it maybe 5 times in the 3 years. When we came up for a visit we found it shoved in a corner on a shelf.

Honestly I could careless if any of them come over for dd's birthday, I am seriously thinking about just doing what I want for Thanksgiving. If they show up they do, if not then oh well more left overs for us. We get foodstamps so they are thinking we can buy everything for Thanksgiving dinner. I have to make that last the whole month for us, not just for one meal. The only reason I have the Turkey already is because I found it at Aldi's at a good price.

I will be more then happy to pack up the car and go back to Alabama today if I could and believe me I will not be looking back.

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My mom...gone but not forgotten
8/13/1949 - 10/28/2004