How do you deal with people constantly saying you said something? - Big Big Forums

gmyers · 10-24-2009, 01:20 AM

It doesn't matter if I stay away from them or not they still say I said or did something. I've never been so tired of something in my life. Now they're making up things my husband has said too and he never calls them or sees them maybe once every four or five years. I can take what they say about me but I have a major problem with them messing with my husband. I don't say bad things about their husbands. I've always thought of them as family. But they think its ok for them to say stuff about my husband. I believe they're trying to get back at me by using him because they know it bothers me. They're messing with the wrong thing there. I will walk away from them and never look back if they don't leave my husband alone.

Good grief I went to my dads funeral over a year ago and they're saying we said things at the funeral. I wasn't thinking about nobody at his funeral but him and I'm tired of people lieing. Over a year later I find out that they're saying we said this and we said that. I'm tired of this mess and it doesn't do any good to stop associating the minute I come back I'm back in this he said she said crap. It went all through the family for over a year and nobody bothered to tell me what was being said, they just took it and ran with it. They could have had the decency to come to me and at least let me know what people were saying about us but no, they just spread it through the family like its the gospel truth. I've got so much anger in me over this crap I don't know what to do other than walk away completely and this time not go back. The problem is they think I'm a wuss that I want to be close to them so bad I'll just keep coming back. And I guess they're right because I do. They even make remarks that I'll be back. I hate myself sometimes because I think I'm a weak person and can't put a stop to whats going on. I guess I need to get some self esteem and maybe then I can do something to make this end. I know ya'll probably think the same thing after all these years too.
Why can't I do something about this once and for all?

ttistin · 10-24-2009, 01:47 AM

We are going through this to. If you figure it out please let me know lol

gmyers · 10-24-2009, 01:55 AM

I wish I did know. My husband is seriously sick and all they can think to do is talk bad about him. He's the sweetest person and if they don't like him thats their business but if he's not messing with them then they need to leave him alone. He doesn't need any stress with the sickness he has. Thing is he likes them but they took a dislike to him and no matter what he does it isn't right.

n2space · 10-24-2009, 02:09 AM

Are you still having problems with your family? We hadn't heard anything so, I assumed things were better. I thought you were not going to communicate with them. I guess it's hard to leave family. It sounds like people are holding grudges or something. Families usually stick together, maybe you need to talk to someone else in your family and try to find out why this is happening. People usually don't do this unless they're upset about something. There's usually someone who is willing to help work things out in a family. I hope you can find one who will help you. I've had someone be mad at something I said years ago. When they told me they were angry, I couldn't believe they still felt that way years later. But, these days there seems to be a lot of this in families. Good luck.

ttistin · 10-24-2009, 02:11 AM

For us it is the other way around. It is dh's family doing all this, they have always talked about me behind my back and told stories about me. It has gotten to where I try to not let it bother me, and for the most part it works. Now what bothers me is the way they treat dh and the kids. Dh has done things over and over to try to "win" his parents approval and love. The only time they want to see or talk to him is when they need something. His 4 sisters are the same way. We have been together for 12 years, his mom still tells him I am using him and cheating on him and will leave him. Dh is finally getting to the point where he is seeing through all of it. As hard as it is I try to keep my opinions to myself on this and just be here for him.

((Hugs)) It is not half the story but you get the idea. It is a hard thing to go through, I wish you luck in whatever your decision.

ttistin · 10-24-2009, 02:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by n2space

Are you still having problems with your family? We hadn't heard anything so, I assumed things were better. I thought you were not going to communicate with them. I guess it's hard to leave family. It sounds like people are holding grudges or something. Families usually stick together, maybe you need to talk to someone else in your family and try to find out why this is happening. People usually don't do this unless they're upset about something. There's usually someone who is willing to help work things out in a family. I hope you can find one who will help you. I've had someone be mad at something I said years ago. When they told me they were angry, I couldn't believe they still felt that way years later. But, these days there seems to be a lot of this in families. Good luck.

Unfortunately this is not always true, some people (adults) just do not seem to grow up. Some people live on drama and will make it no matter who gets hurt or what lies are told.

gmyers · 10-24-2009, 02:24 AM

I can handle things about me but I love my husband more than anything and I know they know that and are using him to get to me and I believe that is what will finally make me leave them alone.

n2space · 10-24-2009, 02:27 AM

If I were you, I wouldn't tell him anything they say. With his health being bad, he doesn't need to know how they feel. I would keep it to myself. It's hard to do that, but the stress of it will make him feel so bad. It's your business how you handle it, of course, but bad things said make people depressed, especially since you say he likes them. I would protect him from all that. If they can't act any better, I wouldn't let him know anything. I do wish you peace also, but he shouldn't have to suffer from bad things they say. Good luck to you both. I'll pray for you.

gmyers · 10-24-2009, 03:25 AM

I am so tired of this situation. I can't sleep at night and it bothers me in the daytime too.
My husband is worried about me he says this stuff is really taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I feel like its never going to end, it just gets worse and worse. Its been going on for years and I need a break from it. I'm tired really tired of dealing with it.

justme23 · 10-24-2009, 07:09 AM

Maybe I'm just that kind of person so it was easier for me... but I only tried a very little bit w/ my family (re:father) once I became an adult and had the power over it. I cut him off for well over 10 years and the only time I ever thought about it was when his best friend would say "you're gonna regret it if he dies"... thing is, I'm ok w/ that... the man beat me up for years and his idea of an apology is "I just didn't raise you right"... gee, ya think? So, yeah... I honestly, at this point in my life... I don't care. I think deep down I care a little cause I still dream about him and I wake up crying... but for the most part, I could take it or leave it.

DAVESBABYDOLL · 10-24-2009, 09:35 AM

You say your done, so BE DONE already. Stop talking to the people who are telling you things, negativity brings negativity, so remove all that from your life and move on. It's never going to end if you keep it on your doorstep.