Mary Jo

I am sorry this is upsetting you.
I have no advice other than to say that at least some of the people involved probably do know that what is being said is not true and are just going along with the rest so as not to make waves.
There is a person at work with seniority that does the same thing and many of us know this and and just try to ignore her. Yes, the things she says do bother me but I try to be polite with her.
I think people like this are often insecure so I try to make polite chit chat with her that focuses on her and to say as little as possible about myself.
Vent all you want to us. We're here for you and know that you are a good person.

mosdata1

I can understand that you still want to have some sort of relationship with your family, but when all they are doing is hurting you & your new ramily, the thing for you to do is to cut them off.
I really do understand just how difficult this is to do.
While once in a while you will miss them - you have to realize that it is not really them you are missing, it is the desire of a good, healthy realtionship that is missing from your life.
Keeping them in your life (right now at least) will never fulfill this missing chuck in your life, because they do not & cannot provide this healthy relationship.
My dad was a very very toxic person in my life. I cut him out of it when I was in H.S., felt bad about it when I was getting married, tried to re-connect with him, realized what a loser he still was. 4 years after I married, he died. Did I mourn his death - no. Did I mourn what we could have had, if he had been a father, yes. This however, is something I can live with. I never did anything bad to him, for me to feel sorry about, but I did do the very best thing in the world for myself & my family.
Will you miss the relationship you should be having with your family? Of course you will! However, you must realize that even when you are currently involved with your family, you are still missing this - but with even more problems & angst because of what they are putting you through while you are in contact with them.
I would cut all the trouble makers out of my life. I would also tell anyone who brings me updates of the crap going on is out of my life too.
Life is too short to let these people get to you. Ask yourself, if they were not family, would I even want to talk to them?
If the answer is no, then why subject yourself to their nonsense just because of an 'accident of birth' over which you had no control?
If the answer is yes, you really need to re-evaluate your self esteem issues, and find out why you would want to have such toxic people in your life.
You deserve better, your DH deserves better, and if you have children (I'm sorry, but I can't remember right now if you do, or not), they deserve better.
If anyone calls you trying to stir up more nonsense either let it go to your messages, or if you pick up the phone, cut them off, tell them you don't want to hear this and hang up your phone. Even if they are insulted, who cares? They were busy insulting you & yours.

Vanilla

Mosdata, I was just about to type a similar response! In a perfect world, family would stick together. Those of you out there that have a loving family should count your blessings. I hear stories from friends about things that family has done to them and it would curl your hair.

Gmyers, let it go. Does it really matter what is being said when your peace of mind is being compromised? If your approach thus far hasn't worked it is time for a new strategy.

whatever

Yeah my dad was abusive to us kids when we were younger. And VERY verbally as adults. We got into a big time argument about 11 years ago and he told me to leave his property after he threatened to hit my dh and I stood in the way. I don't speak to him now. At first AT ALL. Now maybe a hello. But cutting him out of my life has been one of the smartest things I have ever done for myself. Family is great, but when they are harmful to your well being (emotional or otherwise) its best to cut ties. IMO
I get what you are saying gmyers, my sil says schit about my marriage to my dh. We have no clue where she comes up with her schit? LOL
But she is on meds for (literally) lying etc. She has tons of emotional issues.
We just ignore. And I would recommend as hard as it can be to do the same.
Out of sight,out of mind......

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My "adopted" brother. Gone but not forgotten. 8/23/09

fleabones3

Maybe I am different, but I just dont see how it could be so hard to cut ties (even with family) when it seems all they do is talk crap, start crap, stir crap up, etc and make you miserable. So really, how hard is it to just say FU and be done with it?? Personally, I don't want to be around anybody or talk to anybody who I know is going to go around spreading crap. Just because they are " family" doesnt mean you have to like them or even put up with them. If all they are doing is making you miserable, and if you keep going back, then you are really saying please.. use me and abuse me. JMO

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If ya ain't careful, this flea will bite your arse!

ElleGee

2 finger salute and an eff you and then I wouldn't deal with any of them anymore.. It sounds like your relationship is toxic.. Get rid of the toxins and your life will be sooooo much better..

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DAVESBABYDOLL

Pretty much.

That old saying blood is thicker than water, ISN'T true. Just because you are "family" doesn't mean you're going to have the connection, the love, the bond or the I've got your back mentality. In some families, family is just another word with no meaning. Obviously from all your posts about this, it hasn't changed, it's not going to change unless YOU change it. Also, the only way these people have your back, is by stabbing it.

So, by all means vent, but deal with the situation. It's gone on long enough.

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Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool, or you go out in the ocean

ahippiechic

Tell them to go F themselves and stay away from them. I know it's hard not to defend you DH but it seems like that's the response they want. Don't give it to them.

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SLance68

GMeyers no one can take advantage of you unless YOU allow them to. So stop ALLOWING them to run your life. Don't answer their calls, delete their e-mails and if they are friends on FB or MySpace - hit the delete key. You have posted more times than I can remember about this same problem. If you are not going to stick with it then don't complain about them - YOU have to make the change in your life to remove them. I know what it is like to have "no family" even though they are still in the same town. I pretty much avoid mine due to the same toxic ways. It was just not worth my time to deal with them. So pull up your big girl panties and tell them to take a hike and don't take it anymore. Sorry this sounds so rough but it is the same post and you have been given the same advice dozens of times. I have to agree with your DH these people are not good for you or your DH's health.

krisharry

Cut ties with all of them and don't look back. DH has had to cut both of his parents and his only uncle out of his life due to BS. Life is too short, stop wasting it dealing w/people like this. Now, that DH's parents are out of our life, they can talk all the crap they want. I am not around to hear it. Besides, I don't give a chit anymore what people think of me and you shouldn't either. I like myself and if someone else doesn't, eff em.

Only you can decide to stop the drama once and for all.

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"Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever..." by Papa Roach

n2space

I agree with what everyone is saying about cutting troublemakers out of your life, but we really haven't heard from the family about their point of view. I like to hear both sides before I make a final decision of cutting ties. Have you tried to talk to other family members because usually someone knows what's going on? Cutting ties with them all will assure you that you will never know what's causing this and you may spend years wondering what was wrong. Why would all your family members turn on you like this? But as I said we don't know their side of it. I hope this will get resolved for you soon and your husband will feel better soon. Try to keep him from hearing as much of this as you can. It will be better for his health. Your mate is so much more important to you. I'll pray for you both.