Here Comes The Storm... - Big Big Forums

DreamWarrior · 09-30-2009, 04:54 PM

I am on state aid for my children (foodstamps and medicaid). I have a child support order (or rather my ex does) thru the state of Iowa. Well, I called my case worker about a week ago with some questions about homeschooling my son ( i wanted to know if I would get kicked off of state aid if I homeschooled). I mentioned to her that I would like to have my CS case transferred to Missouri. Well today in the mail I received a letter from the state of Mo about child support. They are opening a case down here against my ex, which is a good thing because $90 is NOWHERE near enough to support his kids. The amount I receive now was based when he was in college 5 years ago, and has not been re-evaluated since. The main reason is because every time I think about calling to have it re-evaluated, he seems to sense it and lays a guilt trip on me. (I know...I know... need to stop letting it get to me)

My ex is a MASSIVE control freak, not to mention a manipulative so-and-so and I know he is going to FLIP out when he gets the new order. I'm not afraid of him getting physical or anything like that, he knows I have NO problem with calling the cops on him (have done it before), I just dont want to deal with the verbal crap that is coming. I have nerve problems bad enough and DO NOT need to deal with THAT!!

So anyway, when the application for the new order came today, I didnt hesitate I filled it out and sent it in right away. I wasnt going to let him get to me again. My kids deserve to be taken care of they way they are supposed to be taken care of. Its not MY problem if he doesnt like it.

He is supposed to carry insurance on them, hasnt done that in at least 3 years, he has a new gf now, which I am glad for bcuz now he isnt calling me all the time, but what I DO have a problem with is when he has a day off, he doesnt make an effort to spend time with his son.

He is always griping he has no time with him, but does nothing about it (we live about 100 yards from my ex). If it were me, I would be doing anything I could to see my son. I wouldnt care if I only got to see him for a couple hours... I would cherish whatever time I got, but he doesnt see it that way. He thinks if he cant get him for 24 hours or more its not worth it. I told my ex that it is HIS responsibility to make an effort to see his son, I will NOT chase him down to make plans for him. My mother always had to do that with MY father and I hated my dad for it.

I have told my son if he wants to see his daddy, to go down there and spend time with him when he has days off, I am not gonna be mad at him or anything like that. My son doesnt really get along with the gf (he feels she is "moving in on his turf" ~ he is only 11).

Wow... didnt realize I had so much to say. Not wanting any advice or anything, just needed to get this out. If you read all of it, thanks for taking the time to read all of it. I know I babbled and didnt make much sense, but the thoughts were all jumbled in my head and I just wrote them down as they came. I could go on for a lot longer, but I wont... I need a break LOL

pepperpot · 09-30-2009, 04:59 PM

I hope it works out for you and your son.....

DreamWarrior · 09-30-2009, 05:04 PM

Thanks

In the end I'm sure it will. I have been more than patient with my ex and now its time for him to put on his big boy pants and do the adult thing, support his kids....

I have a daughter as well who is almost 18(ex is her dad too) so I am not really expecting on getting support for her.

Licchl05 · 09-30-2009, 05:20 PM

AWW hun, I'm so sorry you're going through this crap! I know all too well about ex's who are juiceboxes (it's my kid friendly way of saying someone's a DB). If you need to vent I'm just a PM away

DreamWarrior · 09-30-2009, 05:24 PM

LMAO!!! juicebox! I LOVE IT!!!!

Thanks hun! If I need it, I have your PM addy.. *wink*

wubbywa · 09-30-2009, 06:02 PM

Its time for these "fathers" to step up to the plate and help support their own children. I am not talking about just this ex above. I see it alllllll the time mothers raising their children and daddy not supporting them so who is???? I do know that answer!

ttistin · 09-30-2009, 06:19 PM

sorry you and your kids are going through this. but it sounds like you are doing the best that you can, that is all you can do.

Oh yea if/when he starts crap for sending in the paper work I would hang up or walk away. Like you said You do not need to deal with it. Good Luck with it!

BeanieLuvR · 09-30-2009, 06:48 PM

I hope you get more support.

It sounds like your ex is just making excuses for not seeing your son. I don't see how men can put a woman before their children. With him living that close there is no excuse for him not seeing his kids.

gmyers · 09-30-2009, 08:43 PM

I hope you get more support too. I don't know why these parents can't realize $90 isn't nearly enough to support a kid. If he had them you can bet he'd go after you for support. Don't let him try to put a guilt trip on you. Ya'll deserve better.

Licchl05 · 09-30-2009, 09:03 PM

I wish states would do more to enforce support orders. I've had an order on Chloe's dad for 2 years. He owes me over 11k, and I haven't gotten a payment since Dec of 2007. I've contacted PA(it's where she's always lived and where I filed) but since he lives in AZ and AZ is who put the order in we're at their mercy.

DreamWarrior · 09-30-2009, 09:09 PM

Oh... and here's the BEST part... he just put his 2 weeks in last night where he works.. he plans on going back over the road for a company he has worked for before, so there goes my regular support again.. (it may only be $90 but I can make it stretch). He does this shiz every time he hits the 6 month mark... he always finds something wrong with the company he works for... either the ppl are jerks or he doesnt like the rate of pay...blah blah blah... same crap every 6 months...

THANKFULLY the man I am with now knows how to hold a job! Hell he had a job less than 2 weeks after we moved to Missouri!! And has held it for over a year now. He supports me and my children financially as well as emotionally. He knew from the get go that I was a "package deal" you get me you get the kids too. He accepted that and is more of a man than my ex will EVER be!