i feel alone - Page 2 - Big Big Forums

pepperpot · 09-23-2009, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krisharry

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. It is def. time for a sit down heart to heart w/him when the kids are in bed or at school. Maybe he is depressed or something? Maybe something at work going on that you aren't aware of?
Not saying that this excuses his behavior but at least find out. Hopefully you two can work things out.

I agree

There are times when somethings bother me where I am not the most pleasant person to live with and my husband will get the brunt of it....meanwhile, it has absolutely nothing to do with him. I just thank God that he has been patient and hung in there until I was 'back to normal'.

From what you have said, it doesn't appear that he is 'abusive' to you.....just that his attentions are elsewhere and he's 'distracted' and just not 'carrying his weight'.....could it be depression?

It's possible

But it seems the time has come to get to the bottom of it.

Good luck.

ttistin · 09-23-2009, 03:51 PM

Quote:

ElleGee Didn't you move from somewhere to NY for him??

Yes I did move from Alabama back to NY. I hate it here. I would give anything to just toss stuff and kids in car and go back down.

Quote:

sunniekiss Are you still in love with him or do you just love him? Are you still with him for the children? If so, what happens when the kids grow-up & move out?

I do not know anymore. We only got married because I got pregnant, Sometimes I think we are still together because of the kids.

Quote:

Explorer 4x4'r what does he look at online? P0rn?
If so, that IS cheating!

yes it is porn, he stayed home yesterday when the kids had soccer practice to look at it.

Quote:

krisharry I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. It is def. time for a sit down heart to heart w/him when the kids are in bed or at school. Maybe he is depressed or something? Maybe something at work going on that you aren't aware of?
Not saying that this excuses his behavior but at least find out. Hopefully you two can work things out.

I try to talk to him about the way he acts and he gets defensive. We usually end up upset and not talk for a while, but he sure does expect me to get up each morning and make his lunch lol.

I know his family is on his mind, he is upset about a few things going on with them.

I guess I need to sit him down and have a heart to heart.

ElleGee · 09-23-2009, 05:06 PM

krisharry · 09-23-2009, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ttistin

Yes I did move from Alabama back to NY. I hate it here. I would give anything to just toss stuff and kids in car and go back down.

I do not know anymore. We only got married because I got pregnant, Sometimes I think we are still together because of the kids.

yes it is porn, he stayed home yesterday when the kids had soccer practice to look at it.

I try to talk to him about the way he acts and he gets defensive. We usually end up upset and not talk for a while, but he sure does expect me to get up each morning and make his lunch lol.

I know his family is on his mind, he is upset about a few things going on with them.

I guess I need to sit him down and have a heart to heart.

I know it's hard when he doesn't want to talk. Sometimes it's all about how and when you approach someone. I'm sure you know him well enough to figure out a good time to talk, maybe make a special meal, maybe after sex? Just throwing some ideas around for you. I always talk about serious stuff w/dh after sex, he is calm and in a good mood and he is way more open to actually listening to me and calmly discussing things. That may not work for you but I'm sure their is a time when the two of you are relaxed and in relatively good moods-that's when you approach. Good luck, I know it can be a real hard conversation to have.

krisharry · 09-23-2009, 09:17 PM

Just wanted to add that I'm only trying to give some friendly ideas to you. My DH is a talker about everything except our relationship so I feel your pain.

ttistin · 09-23-2009, 11:21 PM

actually I won't have sex with him while he is acting this way. He knows it to. Every once in a while he starts kissing up LOL but I know that after wards he will act the same way if not worse. So I will not until things change.

I mentioned tonight about moving back down to Alabama and he did not say no. Talked to him for awhile about it and he is ok with it. now just to get him to do it LOL

queenangie · 09-23-2009, 11:52 PM

(((Hugs))) and prayers for you for the right direction in your life!

gmyers · 09-24-2009, 06:27 AM

I hope he agrees to move back it sounds like you're homesick and that could be part of the problem.

sunniekiss · 09-24-2009, 01:52 PM

Hope things work out for you but I agree the two of you need to have a long, serious, heart-to-heart talk.
Good luck.

DreamWarrior · 09-24-2009, 11:46 PM

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I really dont know what else to say besides I'm sorry. I hope you guys can work it out.

WendyLou75 · 09-27-2009, 06:28 PM

There's really no way to say this without being ugly... but if he was this way before - you said yourself you *think* you only got married because you got pregnant and that he may be staying for the kids - WHY would moving back to Alabama change anything? He will still have internet access there... he'll still be looking at porn. He's looking at porn for a reason... you just have to get to bottom of why, he's CHOOSING porn over you AND your KIDS. He stayed HOME to look at PORN while ya'll went to soccer practice... Um hellllllllooooo????!?!
And I truly think that even if you were having sex multiple times a day, he'd still be looking. I myself have a huge issue with the porn thing, and trust me John KNOWS.

I hope it works out... but unfortunately I think if ya'll don't get help, you'll be a statistic... "single mom with kids" - which in my opinion you are already...it's just not in the form of a divorce decree...yet