Jenefer3

If my child said that he wasn't being fed or that he was getting hit with a belt, then I damn sure would have the guns blazin, especially if I know that the father and/or gf of the father are capable of doing that crap. If he's been with his father and the gf since April, I think that's long enough to get crap together. You could've called his school or his doctor and gotten that info. If you still have any kind of custody of your son, you're entitled to that information, you just have to be willing to get it.

__________________
I don't make mistakes; I create learning experiences.

Licchl05

I've been trying to get it, i have dozens of emails of me arguing with the ex requesting the info and he kept saying he'd give me it and would not. there's entirely too many schools in his area for me to just call and start asking questions, not to mention privacy laws restrict them i think.

fleabones3

Licch is right. Due to privacy laws she just cant call up the school requesting or demanding crap unless the school has a copy of the custody papers stating she has rights to that. Otherwise I would be able to call and get the info just by stating I am the mother. Also , the police and CYS are used to parents calling saying the custodial parent is abusing the child. Without more proof, etc, she is going to look like any other parent accusing falsely. She is right by saying have the school counselor talk to the boy first to see if the counselor can get the whole story out of him. If she went in guns blazing, she could lose what time she has with him if it comes out that the boy is making things up. Sometimes you have to think first, react last

__________________
If ya ain't careful, this flea will bite your arse!

Jenefer3

if she has copies of her custody papers, and she should, then all it would take is for her to fax that in and they can send that stuff to her. But it takes effort, not waiting for the ex to hand something over. I didn't say to call child services and say the boy is being abused. I said call them and let them know what the child said and see if they can check on him. It's not rocket science. It's doing what you can to protect your child. If she's content to sit back and wait, then ok. I wouldn't sit by and wait months to find out if my child's accusations were right or not and I wouldn't wait for the ex to hand anything over.

__________________
I don't make mistakes; I create learning experiences.

ElleGee

Yeah I said the same thing before my dd was committed for cutting her wrists (and other places).. There is no such thing as 'lightly' or 'hasteful' if you KNOW in your gut that something is wrong...

What is the worst they are going to do? Check it out? Unless you have made numerous reports, and they all come back unfounded then you won't get charged with making a false report if he tries to pull that crap.....

__________________

krisharry

Well, if it were my son, my azz would be on the first plane, train, bus, car, taxi, bike, horse, etc. to check the situation out in person. No way I would be waiting. Better safe than tragically sorry.

__________________
"Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever..." by Papa Roach

Licchl05

We don't have custody papers per say, it's what is called a parenting plan. it names us both as having joint custody with the ex being the primary parent as my son lives with him. I can't do anything until he gives me information about where my son goes to school, and what drs he sees. I've asked him for this information dozens of times via email, each time he says 'oh i'll get it for you' yet never does. therefore i made it a point to tell the mediator that i wanted that in the new parenting plan paperwork, and the mediator told my ex i should have already had that information. Am i supposed to call every pediatrican in burlington co NJ, seriously now...

it was also brought to my attention today by the ex that he's had to change pediatricians for my son, again something i should have been told about when it happened but didn't find out until he knew he was caught doing what he shouldn't be doing...keeping pertainant information about my son from me, and this time i had a court appointed witness.

I also then have to worry about any repercussions my son may face by the gf for me calling. While you may not agree I think it best to have all my ducks in a line before going that route. As stated once i get the info for his school i plan on calling and speaking with someone who can assist me with having my son seen by the counselors, so my son can freely discuss things w/o the ex or his gf feeding him crap or making him uncomfortable to say what's really going on.

I am terribly sorry to hear that about your daughter though *hugs*

Thank you!!

ahippiechic

An atty would force your ex to comply with things like giving you about your son.

__________________

Licchl05

I know but when i was working i couldn't afford one...now that im not working i can get one for free...go freakin figure LOL!!!

I didn't get a chance to call legal aid today due to the fact the mediator didn't call until around noon and once we got off the phone i didn't have the time to wait on hold as i had to go get chloe(i would have used my cell to phone on the go but im almost over my minutes). tomorrow i'll be giving the legal aid dept in NJ a call

shadowcats

unless hes in a private school . which is another problem alltogether. this is how you get the info .
1 you know your childs address . check online for the school district hes in . then get a copy of your custody papers and the rules and restrictions or what ever you both signed , have them notorized and mail them to the school district requesting info on your childs where abouts and request them to send duplicates of what ever is sent to your ex , also send copies to the local court house in his area and ask them to file a copy with the court system there , stating your rights as his parent ,
2 when you get the response back , follow up stat,,,,,,,, the legal system doesnt reconize lack of funds or distance as an excuse for not keeping up on yours childs welfare , THEY USE IT AGAINST YOU , BUT NOT FOR YOU .
3 get a copy of every thing and keep it with someone you trust.
then call the school and ask for a phone confernce with the schools administrator or counciler. then ask for recomendations on how to help your child from long distance. send her copies of all the papers also , you ex cant stop you or hurt you for this as its your right as his parent .
4 make a list of his complaints and times and dates. keep detailed accounts of his conversations to you for back up if other issues come up, and to make your case. if possible record them. and your ex , that is important to make your case so it shows your not a crack pot trying to cause trouble.
there are other things you can do also , but this is the first part.
if you bring child protection into this it could backfire on you if you dont do these things first , no matter what your husband does the courts see you as the bad guy if you dont do all you can first to find out about your son , its crap but thats the way they are..........
hope this helps
sharon

__________________
my son joshua when he was 18 now deceased in 2002 , always remembered always loved

Licchl05

I'm not exactly sure how the new papers are worded but i'll find out in a few days. thank you for the advice i will definately do this when the new papers are in!