Another family hoilday whine! - Big Big Forums

dinosmom · 04-04-2009, 11:12 AM

I am an only child but am very close to my cousins-they are all like sisters. For YRS they have always complained when I hosted a family get together because they all live in the suburbs and I live in the nasty, crowded city. (even though its super easy to get to my house from the expressway.) But yet they all say because I have the larger house (its actually not larger but just set up so its great for entertaining-the first floor is all open) I should host things.....and then NO ONE shows up. So for the past few yrs I was hosting less and less. Last yr I only had my sons bday party and only a few of my family showed! I was DONE! My aunt has hosted most of the parties with the exception to Easter as my one cousin always hosted that for yrs. Well I hadnt heard anything about Easter and neither had my Mom so my boyfriend Joe's family invited us to their party. My Mom, who isnt very social at times, actually said that she would go. Well last night I got a NASTY call from a cousin asking me WHY I wasnt hosting Easter. I told her that I had never hosted Easter before because the other one always did AND that if I did I knew no one would show and it would be a waste of time and money!!!!!!! So now apparently the rest of my family is mad at me because I wont host Easter and we now have other plans. GRRRRRRRRRR Oh well. I would rather spend it with people who are nice and friendly and dont fight anyway! LOL

hblueeyes · 04-04-2009, 11:42 AM

When you hear someone is mad ask why and restate your case. I was in the same situation except it was my family AND hubbys family. Not one person ever showed. When someone made a rude remark to me about B'day parties, I snapped. So the next time I had a B'day party for 2 sons and everyone showed. Plus my MIL paid for the pizzas for the TMNT party theme. It pays to speak up. Other than that, keep your plans as they are and have a good time. Sometimes family, just isn't worth it.

Me

Shann · 04-04-2009, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hblueeyes

When you hear someone is mad ask why and restate your case. I was in the same situation except it was my family AND hubbys family. Not one person ever showed. When someone made a rude remark to me about B'day parties, I snapped. So the next time I had a B'day party for 2 sons and everyone showed. Plus my MIL paid for the pizzas for the TMNT party theme. It pays to speak up. Other than that, keep your plans as they are and have a good time. Sometimes family, just isn't worth it.

Me

I agree. I have a big mouth tho and know how to use it. If my family pulled that crap on me they would ALL hear about it. I've got better things to do than plan for a party that no one will attend.

Quaker_Parrots · 04-04-2009, 10:15 PM

So she is letting you know a week before Easter that you were suppose to host this year? I would be telling the whole family to "butt a stump"

hotwheelstx · 04-04-2009, 10:25 PM

I was an only child for almost 17 years. I hosted many family gatherings as I got older in my home.

It got to the point everyone would fight, not speak, people talking about other family members, expect things I couldn't/wouldn't do. I finally had enough, told everyone no more. Instead I opted if everyone wanted to be together for a certain holiday (doesn't include Christmas) why can't we go out to eat? Everyone chips in money if they're going. If they don't put in they won't be there.

When I planned family gatherings it's usually a couple of weeks ahead. Not the week before. You need time to get things together.

I know it's hard being an only child and family depends on you since you've been doing it for so long. However, you have to put your foot down sometime.

Honestly, I got tired of cleaning up the mess, cooking everything, decorating the house......all with no help at ALL. Plus, family members bringing "guests" of their own that I had no idea who these people were. Plus, the expense of it all. Well, it always fell on Aggie and I since we were hosting. Mom would pay for half.....but no one else would chip in.

I hate having to watch people I don't know in my house. I don't like when the lawn guy comes.

Stick to your guns.

I'm not trying to be hard arsed. However, people and family have to understand that you do have a life outside of them.

Good luck whatever you decide. I'm right there with you about the phone calls. Been there, done that.........I stopped answering the phone when I knew it was going to be trouble.

OldKnitter · 04-05-2009, 12:03 PM

A party in your home usually begins with invitations.....did you send any?

Case closed.

If anyone brings it up again...ask them when exactly you told them you were hosting the get together as you have no memory of it.

hotwheelstx · 04-05-2009, 12:22 PM

Still stick to your guns and go to your boyfriend's family gathering. It's called a guilt trip. I've been there, too. It's not worth the hassle, aggravation, time, effort you put into it if not everyone is going to show up.

The only way I would have an Easter gathering at my house anymore is if everyone pitched in for the food, decorations, drinks. If you don't show up there' no refund either. There's only a couple of relatives that would do that, anyway. Everyone else just "expects it". I would also make it clear that most if not all are staying to help clean up the mess. I didn't make it by myself.

Like I stated before I'm not trying to be harsh to anyone. However, it's time consuming, cleaning, cooking and everything else that goes along with it.

I'm sorry. I have been where you've been and I've been put in the middle of everything. There comes a time, place in your life when you say enough is enough. Let someone else do the work and see if there's anymore complaining.

BTW: About 5 years ago my brother and then wife hosted for Christmas. After that he said no more. There was to much involved in the preparation of it all. From that day on he fully understood what I had done on my own for several years to make family members "happy". He also would chip/help me a lot more after that. Turn the tables around.....ask one of your cousins if they'd host the gathering if they're so determined to have one. My guess is they won't do it.

I still host Christmas and birthday gatherings if family wants it. Any other holidays they want to celebrate with a party.....they can do all the work.

Besides all that, it takes time to plan how you're going to entertain, games, foods....not everyone likes the same menu that you or another family member does.

When I hosted several "family gatherings" here at home......I took at least 2 to 3 weeks to get everything together. Also if you change your mind and decide to host I would ask if relatives are bringing anyone with them.
That's always been a big thing with me. I don't mind anyone bringing someone....but please lmk first.

I still say go to your boyfriend's family gathering. If other family members want an Easter gathering let them host it and tell them you will drop by sometime during the day.

whatever · 04-05-2009, 02:38 PM

I would tell them Its my house IF I want to host a party its my decision. Apparently if you didn't get an invite I wasn't having one. I have made other plans. If they all want to be mad over something so stupid I would tell them to kiss my arse. But thats me. lol
For you, you need to tell them if you have never hosted an easter gathering why would they expect you to now?