Breaking up is hard to do... - Big Big Forums

JustDoIt · 11-10-2008, 11:27 AM

Yup. My realtionship is in it's last stages. I really don't know when it all came to a head, but I know it started when my SO took on his new supervising job. It's been a hell of a summer, and unfortunatley, I can't say I did anything or got anything out of it. He works looooong hours....sometimes up to 22+ hours a day. And I'm tired of being by myself all the time, doing all the cooking and cleaning, child rearing, and household chores by myself, on top of the 40+ hours a week I work. I understand that there are many single mothers in my situation who work long hours and do it all by themselves, and I applaud them. I was there once too. But I thought it changed when I entered into a long term relationship and moved in with him. It did; until he took this new job.

His boss (the owner of the comapny) is an *******. He recently met this new chick and has been taking her out and wining and dining her and spending oodles of cash on her. And you know, if he had a big company and was making lots of profits, I wouldn't say anything. But when my SO is busting his balls to make the company work while this guy is off boinking the hired help, well yeah, it irks the crap out of me. Especially when I see her name on the payroll, and she doesn't even work. My SO called Halloween night to have her do a 4 hour shift at night (from 10-2), and his response was that Isabelle couldn't work because she had spent the day driving around with him and she was too tired. So my SO went out and did the job, which meant I took the little guy out for Halloween by myself. I was highly pissed off about that. And when the foreman of the company called the boss to tell him he thought it was wrong about putting his ***** on the payroll, the boss' response was that if he had to remove his hoochie from payroll, then I was going to be fired too since I was the other boss' girlfriend. How fair is that huh? Especially when it was me who worked 13 hours outside in the cold and rain, and me who worked 15 hours a day this summer when they were paving the highway in extreme heat? And still, my SO didn't defend me about that whole story.

I'm just fed up. I feel like the past 4 years have been for nothing. What hurts me the most is seeing my son cry at night because he wants Daddy to tuck him in, but Daddy is never home. I truly think it's the end, because it's depressing me to live like this. I'm just you know.....blah. I usually have the best advice for my friends going through these situations, but when it happens to me, I'm like a freaking zombie. I just hate having no control and not knowing what's going to happen from one day to the next. I think I need to take a vacation from it all. Anyone got a spare room for me for a week?

dangerousfem · 11-10-2008, 11:40 AM

i'm sorry it has gotten so bad.. no spare room..but lots of spare hugs

s

ElleGee · 11-10-2008, 11:48 AM

***ahippiechic*** · 11-10-2008, 11:56 AM

So sorry.

You can sleep on my couch.

JustDoIt · 11-10-2008, 12:00 PM

Thanks guys. I'm just so bummed.

And hippie, you better lock up the margarita stuff, cause I have a feeling I could go a little wild with it.

evrita · 11-10-2008, 12:11 PM

I am sorry you are going through this and flame me if you want. What would you be saying if it was the oppisite? What if he was a deadbeat and didnt work at all? I know there is an extreme between the two but is he working so you guys can stay ahead and better yourselves? Is it about the work or are you just not happy in the relationship at all? I would pray my DH wouldnt leave me because I get tired and work 6 days a week and cant always spend the amount of time with him that I would like and I knowI didnt leave him when he was working 70+ hours a week and coming home sleeping and going back out on the road or all night fighting fires.

I dont know relationships are give and take and I cant count on my fingers and toes missed dinners and things I had to take pictures of because he missed or he took pictures of because I missed. It just seems like something else is going on with the 2 of you.

JustDoIt · 11-10-2008, 12:21 PM

No flaming here. It is about the hours. I mean, he hasn't done anything with us all summer. Nothing. We haven't gone out for a car ride, or pumpkin patch, apple picking....nothing. We are not poor, and I am actually proud of the money we have set aside. But sometimes, I just wonder if it's all about the money. Sometimes, I think it's better to have a little less, but have love and time together. I miss him, and so does our little guy. I feel like I'm already single. Except I have his clothes to wash. This, for me, is not a life I planned for, or wanted. And neither did he when we started our relationship. It seems like his job has taken over his life, and nothing else matters at this point. That is what I can't stand anymore. I love him as a person, but I don't like what he is becoming because of this job. It would be easy for him to give his foreman a little more responsability. It would be easy to give his team leader the calls to make. But he feels like it is up to him to run the company, even though he sees none of the profits, and has gotten no bonus this year. So he needs to make a decision. I'm not asking him to quit, because I do think he is really good at what he does. He just needs to find a middle ground somewhere and remember he has a family. Because after all, my son will never be 4 again, and he will never get those times back he DIDN'T spend with his son.
I would be happy as a pig in **** if he could give me one weekend a month so we could do something family orientated, or if we could have at least one dinner a week as a family. I don't really think that is too much to ask for.

LuvBigRip · 11-10-2008, 12:24 PM

I have a couch with your name on in in Colorado, I don't drink, so you wouldn't have to fight me for the booze either (Hippie)

evrita · 11-10-2008, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustDoIt

No flaming here. It is about the hours. I mean, he hasn't done anything with us all summer. Nothing. We haven't gone out for a car ride, or pumpkin patch, apple picking....nothing. We are not poor, and I am actually proud of the money we have set aside. But sometimes, I just wonder if it's all about the money. Sometimes, I think it's better to have a little less, but have love and time together. I miss him, and so does our little guy. I feel like I'm already single. Except I have his clothes to wash. This, for me, is not a life I planned for, or wanted. And neither did he when we started our relationship. It seems like his job has taken over his life, and nothing else matters at this point. That is what I can't stand anymore. I love him as a person, but I don't like what he is becoming because of this job. It would be easy for him to give his foreman a little more responsability. It would be easy to give his team leader the calls to make. But he feels like it is up to him to run the company, even though he sees none of the profits, and has gotten no bonus this year. So he needs to make a decision. I'm not asking him to quit, because I do think he is really good at what he does. He just needs to find a middle ground somewhere and remember he has a family. Because after all, my son will never be 4 again, and he will never get those times back he DIDN'T spend with his son.
I would be happy as a pig in **** if he could give me one weekend a month so we could do something family orientated, or if we could have at least one dinner a week as a family. I don't really think that is too much to ask for.

I understand I really do now you have told us this but have you told him this?

***ahippiechic*** · 11-10-2008, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LuvBigRip

I have a couch with your name on in in Colorado, I don't drink, so you wouldn't have to fight me for the booze either (Hippie)

I resemble that remark! I will share my couch but not my Tequila. But I will, however, get you your own bottle!

A job shouldn't be more important than family. When my DH was trying to get a promotion last fall, he worked so many hours I almost forgot what he looked like. My son and DIL came to visit, he might have seen them twice. HIS mom came to visit, he couldn't get a day off to visit with her and they had been estranged for 7 years. It got to the point that I told him if he didn't back off off on the hours he was working, he might not have a family in another month or so. He cut his hours!

Kelsey1224 · 11-10-2008, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by evrita

I understand I really do now you have told us this but have you told him this?

I agree. If necessary, schedule an appointment with him.