I just found out...

Mom2-3boys · 08-23-2008, 01:28 PM

My 16 y/o niece ran away from home on Thursday. It was suppose to be the first day of school for her she never showed up. She was just here visiting me on Tuesday, she said she had been fighting with her mom (my sister) My sister is extremely hard to get along with, everything is her way or no way, she wants control of everything even her 3 grown children's lives, when they make a decision she doesn't like she throws a fit and tells them she didn't raise idiots...I tell her they are adults they have to make their own mistakes and learn from them...she doesn't feel that way....and she made WAY worse choices in her life! When her daughter that's 21 now was 16 my sister told her she would be a nothing all her life that has stuck with her...now I am wondering what she said to this niece that made her take off and I am really worried about her because a year or so ago I found out she was cutting herself, I told her she needed to find someone to talk to...she went to her pastor and got help, now this. I don't know what to do I live 90 miles from where she lives and I don't get along with my sister very well I want to call but since she didn't call me obviously she didn't want me to know about it, and I don't have the first clue where she would have gone. I am just sick to my stomach now.

catdance · 08-23-2008, 01:33 PM

OH sweetie, that is sad news, however I would call your sister and see if the child has returned home and if you can be of any help, bringing her home!
I would try to stay out of the family politics, but she is your kin as well, so I would check on her so she knows you care about the whole thing and when the child gets home, she will know you cared enough and risked calling your sister and checking on her well being.
Good luck and I pray she is OK, there is a lot of nasty stuff in the world and I pray no harm has come to her.

janelle · 08-23-2008, 01:53 PM

I hope she is at a friend's. Could you possibly take her to live with you? My BIL lived with his aunt in his teen years since things at home were bad.

Your sister sounds like she needs some therapy to find out why she is so hard on her kids.

Mom2-3boys · 08-23-2008, 03:36 PM

She won't let my niece live with me, no way no how! When my 21 y/o niece was 16 I tried to get her to live with me and my sis started WWIII with the family. She cut all ties with me and wouldn't even come to holidays if she knew I was going to be there. Things have calmed between us since, but it's not a good relationship to say the least. The only time she calls me is when she wants me to do something for her, but she does the same with my 2 other sisters that live in the same town with me. I've basically put a stop to me doing this and that for her without the littlest bit of thanks, of course I am the bad person for it , but WHATEVER. She is 12 years older then me, but half the time she acts like she's 12 with the fits she throws. I agree she needs therapy, but according to her everyone but her has a problem. I don't know why she flies off the handle the way she does, we were not raised with parents like that (then again she feels our parents did nothing and still do nothing for her, they live in the same town so that's a whole different issue my sisters and I have with her) My parents would try to guide her with parenting she felt they had nothing to offer her and would once again fly off the handle and keep my nieces and nephew away from them for punishment. She's repeatedly told her kids my parents and other family members don't like them, but as they have gotten older they found out differently and so it is back firing on her.

dangerousfem · 08-23-2008, 04:00 PM

you could maybe contact CPS.. let them know how it is in her house.. have her older children do the same.. maybe they could assign her an advocate and you could get temp custody.

janelle · 08-23-2008, 05:41 PM

Well your niece will end up in foster care if she keeps running away. You never mentioned a father so maybe she has none who is involved. Sad.

msginna · 08-23-2008, 06:04 PM

I had a whole lot more written but I am just going to say I have inlaws that judge me like crazy and it isn't fun to go through especially in tough times. I hope she comes back to her family or is found soon.

Mom2-3boys · 08-23-2008, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by msginna

I had a whole lot more written but I am just going to say I have inlaws that judge me like crazy and it isn't fun to go through especially in tough times. I hope she comes back to her family or is found soon.

I'm not an in-law, she is my sister. I grew up with her so I know what she's like, I'm NOT just passing judgement on her. I spent most of my life or as long as I can remember babysitting her kids yet it was never right I didn't cook the right meal for them or let them stay up later then I should have so on and so forth. When I was a senior in high school my dad had a heart attack he was transferred to a city 200 miles away. He didn't want me to go cause I would have missed out on my senior trip that I was suppose to leave for in 3 days, so I stayed home. Me staying home freed her and her husband up to go, so she automatically put me in charge of her 4 kids, I took them to stay at my parents house so I could also field phone calls from people asking about my dad. That night after they all had left, my sister calls my parents house screaming at me because I was not at HER house with the kids, that they should be at their own home sleeping in their own bed. I explained to her why I never stayed at her house ( we never made the agreement that I would either). She told me I shouldn't be telling anyone anything about our Dad because I was not down there at the hospital and didn't have a clue. I did have a clue our mom was calling me and giving me updates.... but in the end she had one of her friends come take the kids from me at 11 o'clock at night after they were in bed.
Please don't think I would be speaking this was of her if I didn't have lifelong experience of it, I really try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but with her I don't, too much has happened. My niece does have a father, his kids are his life but my sister runs him over. He is a great guy, when my sis and I were not on speaking terms, when I would by chance run into him he would tell me "Make sure you know I 'm not the one stopping us from seeing you she is, I really miss you guys!" When my sis would be away from home and my family was visiting my parents he would call and ask us to come down so he could see us. My sister makes it hard all around for everyone...if she's not happy no one is going to be happy, period.
Been keeping in touch with other family members, no word from her, but it sounds like her 19 y/o sister may know where she is, she just won't tell. I have explained to her that she's not helping the 16 y/o by hiding her and that she could get in trouble, but she doesn't care, she says the 16 y/o needs to be away from their mother.....I think there's some agreement there but not the way she is going about it.

lucimPI · 08-23-2008, 08:18 PM

It is so sad when a family member has to be like this. I hate to say this but I do feel that your sister is very insecure and has to be so dominate to cover her problems. I feel so sorry for her daughter, that has to such an unstable relationship. I do so hope things work out.

mosdata1 · 08-23-2008, 10:04 PM

If your niece, her older sis, is keeping her, maybe you could advise her to call CPS. Let her know that you will back her up in defending her & the younger sister. If her home life is stable enough, CPS may allow her (your younger niece) to remain with her older sibling. If not, I'm sure they would place her with other family members - as this would be in the best interest of the 16 yr old. You could also request an advocate be appointed to her by the courts.
You would just all need to approach the courts as a unified group in explaining why living with her mom is not good for her. Maybe this would even be the wake up call your sister needs.
I am lifting them up in my prayers.

janelle · 08-24-2008, 04:23 AM

I always look to see if the person has problems with others. If they seem not to be able to get along with most people then I know the problem is with them.

Seems as though your sister alienates most everyone in her family. Too bad her husband can't sit on her when she goes off on a tangent but I understand he needs to be the sane one in the family for his kids sake.

08-23-2008, 01:28 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mom2-3boys Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 411 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 57 Thanked 106 Times in 67 Posts	I just found out... My 16 y/o niece ran away from home on Thursday. It was suppose to be the first day of school for her she never showed up. She was just here visiting me on Tuesday, she said she had been fighting with her mom (my sister) My sister is extremely hard to get along with, everything is her way or no way, she wants control of everything even her 3 grown children's lives, when they make a decision she doesn't like she throws a fit and tells them she didn't raise idiots...I tell her they are adults they have to make their own mistakes and learn from them...she doesn't feel that way....and she made WAY worse choices in her life! When her daughter that's 21 now was 16 my sister told her she would be a nothing all her life that has stuck with her...now I am wondering what she said to this niece that made her take off and I am really worried about her because a year or so ago I found out she was cutting herself, I told her she needed to find someone to talk to...she went to her pastor and got help, now this. I don't know what to do I live 90 miles from where she lives and I don't get along with my sister very well I want to call but since she didn't call me obviously she didn't want me to know about it, and I don't have the first clue where she would have gone. I am just sick to my stomach now.

08-23-2008, 01:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
catdance Registered User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Minneapolis Posts: 3,076 iTrader: (16) Thanks: 75 Thanked 142 Times in 78 Posts	OH sweetie, that is sad news, however I would call your sister and see if the child has returned home and if you can be of any help, bringing her home! I would try to stay out of the family politics, but she is your kin as well, so I would check on her so she knows you care about the whole thing and when the child gets home, she will know you cared enough and risked calling your sister and checking on her well being. Good luck and I pray she is OK, there is a lot of nasty stuff in the world and I pray no harm has come to her. __________________ At last....my love has come around..

08-23-2008, 04:00 PM	#5 (permalink)
dangerousfem Proud Navy Mom! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: On The Edge Of Sanity Posts: 5,553 iTrader: (21) Thanks: 561 Thanked 656 Times in 359 Posts	you could maybe contact CPS.. let them know how it is in her house.. have her older children do the same.. maybe they could assign her an advocate and you could get temp custody. __________________ I'm not from the south...but I got here as fast as I could!

08-23-2008, 06:04 PM	#7 (permalink)
msginna Registered User Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: minnesota Posts: 386 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 233 Thanked 70 Times in 42 Posts	I had a whole lot more written but I am just going to say I have inlaws that judge me like crazy and it isn't fun to go through especially in tough times. I hope she comes back to her family or is found soon. __________________ Navy Vet and proud of it! Last edited by msginna : 08-23-2008 at 06:35 PM. Reason: deleting a bit

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08-23-2008, 01:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
janelle Registered User Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 20,403 iTrader: (1) Thanks: 451 Thanked 1,144 Times in 744 Posts	I hope she is at a friend's. Could you possibly take her to live with you? My BIL lived with his aunt in his teen years since things at home were bad. Your sister sounds like she needs some therapy to find out why she is so hard on her kids.

08-23-2008, 03:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
Mom2-3boys Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 411 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 57 Thanked 106 Times in 67 Posts	She won't let my niece live with me, no way no how! When my 21 y/o niece was 16 I tried to get her to live with me and my sis started WWIII with the family. She cut all ties with me and wouldn't even come to holidays if she knew I was going to be there. Things have calmed between us since, but it's not a good relationship to say the least. The only time she calls me is when she wants me to do something for her, but she does the same with my 2 other sisters that live in the same town with me. I've basically put a stop to me doing this and that for her without the littlest bit of thanks, of course I am the bad person for it , but WHATEVER. She is 12 years older then me, but half the time she acts like she's 12 with the fits she throws. I agree she needs therapy, but according to her everyone but her has a problem. I don't know why she flies off the handle the way she does, we were not raised with parents like that (then again she feels our parents did nothing and still do nothing for her, they live in the same town so that's a whole different issue my sisters and I have with her) My parents would try to guide her with parenting she felt they had nothing to offer her and would once again fly off the handle and keep my nieces and nephew away from them for punishment. She's repeatedly told her kids my parents and other family members don't like them, but as they have gotten older they found out differently and so it is back firing on her.

08-23-2008, 05:41 PM	#6 (permalink)
janelle Registered User Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 20,403 iTrader: (1) Thanks: 451 Thanked 1,144 Times in 744 Posts	Well your niece will end up in foster care if she keeps running away. You never mentioned a father so maybe she has none who is involved. Sad.

08-23-2008, 08:18 PM	#9 (permalink)
lucimPI Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,248 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 204 Thanked 380 Times in 156 Posts	It is so sad when a family member has to be like this. I hate to say this but I do feel that your sister is very insecure and has to be so dominate to cover her problems. I feel so sorry for her daughter, that has to such an unstable relationship. I do so hope things work out.

08-23-2008, 10:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
mosdata1 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 1,562 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 246 Thanked 235 Times in 142 Posts	If your niece, her older sis, is keeping her, maybe you could advise her to call CPS. Let her know that you will back her up in defending her & the younger sister. If her home life is stable enough, CPS may allow her (your younger niece) to remain with her older sibling. If not, I'm sure they would place her with other family members - as this would be in the best interest of the 16 yr old. You could also request an advocate be appointed to her by the courts. You would just all need to approach the courts as a unified group in explaining why living with her mom is not good for her. Maybe this would even be the wake up call your sister needs. I am lifting them up in my prayers.

08-24-2008, 04:23 AM	#11 (permalink)
janelle Registered User Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 20,403 iTrader: (1) Thanks: 451 Thanked 1,144 Times in 744 Posts	I always look to see if the person has problems with others. If they seem not to be able to get along with most people then I know the problem is with them. Seems as though your sister alienates most everyone in her family. Too bad her husband can't sit on her when she goes off on a tangent but I understand he needs to be the sane one in the family for his kids sake.