I just found out...

LitWtch · 08-24-2008, 10:22 AM

Your older niece needs to know that if she knows the whereabouts of a minor, and at 19 does not divulge that information, she could be arrested - causing even more problems. Encourage her to tell someone she trusts.

msginna · 08-24-2008, 03:00 PM

" He is a great guy, when my sis and I were not on speaking terms, when I would by chance run into him he would tell me "Make sure you know I 'm not the one stopping us from seeing you she is, I really miss you guys!" When my sis would be away from home and my family was visiting my parents he would call and ask us to come down so he could see us. "

WOW what it must be like in that household. Even the husband is talking about her, the marriage there is def shot. Going behind her back. I have NOT been a good mother all the time and probably have been shakey at times. I have been judged by family and inlaws also. I would def have to say if something horrible happened withen my family I would get a finger pointed at me. Me and my sis don't talk but the inlaws are worse. You weren't there so I know you can only speculate now and them (err hubby would share but can't, hiding thing) not wanting you to know tees you off. I def am NOT going to share the inner working of my family who treats and judges me like that, like you are doing now. It is all her fault. I know she has done things that you don't like HECK someone tries to take my child there wouldn't be just worldwar 3 there would be a blood bath. you have the right to vent in here I know but am feeling the need to say hey you don't like her and what she has done in the past but when a crisis comes up like this in HER family you shouldn't be so quick to judge. And well when you do the consiquences can be bad like, not being involved in her life and her familys life, not knowing what is going on and getting second hand info. Yeh you can call social services and tell them you have no idea what is going on except from what you have been told second hand. And more likely then not they will walk away from her and apologize and she will again have a reason to not like the family. I can say I have been in the middle of a family rif that has been going on for years. These people are mean and nasty when it comes down to it. My children are better off NOT being in their lives. they do have plenty that love them and they do not talk about their mother (me) whenever they can. NOW I know they think they are not in the wrong and hubby should devorce me and be done with me. That wont happen though been with him for a long time and he has supported me all the way. If a huge thing happened here I know of course I would be blamed per the family (some of them) pact. Heck they must be steaming now because we are moving soon. That is what staarted everything many years ago, me wanting to move lol. From then on I was the spawn of satan. I don't know the whole situation and am doing to you what I am saying not to do. All I saw was you blame her for lots and because the daughter is gone it is her fault too. I sure hope she is found too and isn't given a podium to blame her running away on anyone else but herself. Teens do that sometimes, run away, and blame anyone to get themselves out of trouble lol. I sure wasn't a perfect teen either and didn't like getting into trouble lol. My little sis was a good blaming person, mom too lol BOY is my post long enough, think I wrote a book

Mom2-3boys · 08-24-2008, 09:51 PM

I didn't try to take her daughter, they were going through an extremely rough time and I thought it would be good if she came to live with me during the summer. I wasn't accusatory towards her in any way, we presented it to her and her reply "Like hell!" My niece spent the remainder of the summer paying (by being grounded)for even suggesting coming to my house. This was brought up right after my sis (in front of me) told my niece she would be a nothing all her life. Would you say that to your child?? I guess I believe you better choose your words carefully before you talk to someone because once you say them you can't take them back. My niece, now 21 that she said that too, still brings it up, it still hurts her VERY much. You are right teens do just run away and I do not condone my niece running away but from past experience I wouldn't be surprised if she did say something, if she didn't then I am wrong and I will be the one to admit it

I never said I was the perfect mother and my sister was/is a bad mother. In fact when they were younger she was a great mother she was very involved, but the older they got the less she dealt with them without be critical and fly off the handle mad. Does she always do it no but it happens a lot do I think she should have the 16 y/o taken away no but I do think she needs some help I guess the 16 y/o and the husband as well. BIL loves her but he hates having to walk around on egg shells as do their kids.

You think I don't have a right to be judgemental, well hell, she has judged me all my life. I have never been able to do anything right in her eyes, if I bent over backwards it still wouldn't be enough because I didn't split in half. She has always been that way and with everyone in the family. I'm sure there are others that know someone that way.

When it comes to my nieces and nephews you can bet your butt I will do whatever I can to help them. My grown nieces and nephews still call me on drugs, sex, friends, family whatever because they know I will listen to them without being judgemental and without jumping down their throats. I am sure I have heard things that their parents will never know, and as long as they aren't doing anything illegal or dangerous it will stay that way. I will not violate their trust.

Mom2-3boys · 08-26-2008, 01:03 PM

I found out last night my niece turned herself into the police Sun. night. She has opted to stay in jail for 5 days instead of going home with her parents, we will see what happens from here.

dangerousfem · 08-26-2008, 01:11 PM

wow.. how bad things must be in that house for her to choose 5 days in jail over going home.. normally jail freaks teens out...

catdance · 08-26-2008, 01:33 PM

Good gosh, picking jail over your own family means SOMETHING!
I hope your niece gets a good social worker that can figure a better way for her to finish growing up, and go to school and maybe the case worker might see that the child is no better off, returning to her home.
And perhaps, there is a foster care for her, or maybe they will call you for information and help.
I pray for your family..this is not good news in a young child..and this trauma, she is old enough to remember and shape her outlook.
PRAYERS TO YOU!

BlueBerriTerri · 08-26-2008, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucimPI

It is so sad when a family member has to be like this. I hate to say this but I do feel that your sister is very insecure and has to be so dominate to cover her problems. I feel so sorry for her daughter, that has to such an unstable relationship. I do so hope things work out.

I agree with you. When someone is constantly breaking down everyone else's confidence and/or pointing out inadequacies, it is an indicator of their own low self-esteem and insecurity. I hope your niece is safe and makes her way to you.

LitWtch · 08-26-2008, 02:49 PM

It seems as if the girl has been wisely advised. If she stays in jail, being a juvenile, she will automatically be assigned a social worker/advocate. This will allow her to get the help she needs rather than go back to a home where she obviously feels is unhealthy. She is doing the right thing so that she can get help.

Now that Social Services is involved, the girl can voice her opinion and tell them what is happening first hand. They will decide to put her into foster care, a group home with counseling, ask a relative if they could take her in... See?

Shann · 08-28-2008, 05:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mom2-3boys

I found out last night my niece turned herself into the police Sun. night. She has opted to stay in jail for 5 days instead of going home with her parents, we will see what happens from here.

how sad for your niece, I truly hope someone is able to help her the way she needs it. I'm glad she is safe and hope things turn out better for her, I cannot imagine picking jail over your own house.

My thoughts are w/ your family.

DonnaWV · 08-28-2008, 08:10 AM

I hope your niece gets the help she needs, now. Sending hugs and prayers for your family.

08-24-2008, 10:22 AM	#12 (permalink)
LitWtch Registered User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: the handbasket... Posts: 1,457 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 496 Thanked 217 Times in 135 Posts	Your older niece needs to know that if she knows the whereabouts of a minor, and at 19 does not divulge that information, she could be arrested - causing even more problems. Encourage her to tell someone she trusts. __________________ ~Masquerading as a NORMAL person, day after day, is EXHAUSTING!~

08-24-2008, 03:00 PM	#13 (permalink)
msginna Registered User Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: minnesota Posts: 386 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 233 Thanked 70 Times in 42 Posts	" He is a great guy, when my sis and I were not on speaking terms, when I would by chance run into him he would tell me "Make sure you know I 'm not the one stopping us from seeing you she is, I really miss you guys!" When my sis would be away from home and my family was visiting my parents he would call and ask us to come down so he could see us. " WOW what it must be like in that household. Even the husband is talking about her, the marriage there is def shot. Going behind her back. I have NOT been a good mother all the time and probably have been shakey at times. I have been judged by family and inlaws also. I would def have to say if something horrible happened withen my family I would get a finger pointed at me. Me and my sis don't talk but the inlaws are worse. You weren't there so I know you can only speculate now and them (err hubby would share but can't, hiding thing) not wanting you to know tees you off. I def am NOT going to share the inner working of my family who treats and judges me like that, like you are doing now. It is all her fault. I know she has done things that you don't like HECK someone tries to take my child there wouldn't be just worldwar 3 there would be a blood bath. you have the right to vent in here I know but am feeling the need to say hey you don't like her and what she has done in the past but when a crisis comes up like this in HER family you shouldn't be so quick to judge. And well when you do the consiquences can be bad like, not being involved in her life and her familys life, not knowing what is going on and getting second hand info. Yeh you can call social services and tell them you have no idea what is going on except from what you have been told second hand. And more likely then not they will walk away from her and apologize and she will again have a reason to not like the family. I can say I have been in the middle of a family rif that has been going on for years. These people are mean and nasty when it comes down to it. My children are better off NOT being in their lives. they do have plenty that love them and they do not talk about their mother (me) whenever they can. NOW I know they think they are not in the wrong and hubby should devorce me and be done with me. That wont happen though been with him for a long time and he has supported me all the way. If a huge thing happened here I know of course I would be blamed per the family (some of them) pact. Heck they must be steaming now because we are moving soon. That is what staarted everything many years ago, me wanting to move lol. From then on I was the spawn of satan. I don't know the whole situation and am doing to you what I am saying not to do. All I saw was you blame her for lots and because the daughter is gone it is her fault too. I sure hope she is found too and isn't given a podium to blame her running away on anyone else but herself. Teens do that sometimes, run away, and blame anyone to get themselves out of trouble lol. I sure wasn't a perfect teen either and didn't like getting into trouble lol. My little sis was a good blaming person, mom too lol BOY is my post long enough, think I wrote a book __________________ Navy Vet and proud of it! Last edited by msginna : 08-24-2008 at 03:12 PM.

08-26-2008, 01:11 PM	#16 (permalink)
dangerousfem Proud Navy Mom! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: On The Edge Of Sanity Posts: 5,553 iTrader: (21) Thanks: 561 Thanked 656 Times in 359 Posts	wow.. how bad things must be in that house for her to choose 5 days in jail over going home.. normally jail freaks teens out... __________________ I'm not from the south...but I got here as fast as I could!

08-26-2008, 01:33 PM	#17 (permalink)
catdance Registered User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Minneapolis Posts: 3,078 iTrader: (16) Thanks: 75 Thanked 142 Times in 78 Posts	Good gosh, picking jail over your own family means SOMETHING! I hope your niece gets a good social worker that can figure a better way for her to finish growing up, and go to school and maybe the case worker might see that the child is no better off, returning to her home. And perhaps, there is a foster care for her, or maybe they will call you for information and help. I pray for your family..this is not good news in a young child..and this trauma, she is old enough to remember and shape her outlook. PRAYERS TO YOU! __________________ At last....my love has come around..

08-26-2008, 02:49 PM	#19 (permalink)
LitWtch Registered User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: the handbasket... Posts: 1,457 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 496 Thanked 217 Times in 135 Posts	It seems as if the girl has been wisely advised. If she stays in jail, being a juvenile, she will automatically be assigned a social worker/advocate. This will allow her to get the help she needs rather than go back to a home where she obviously feels is unhealthy. She is doing the right thing so that she can get help. Now that Social Services is involved, the girl can voice her opinion and tell them what is happening first hand. They will decide to put her into foster care, a group home with counseling, ask a relative if they could take her in... See? __________________ ~Masquerading as a NORMAL person, day after day, is EXHAUSTING!~

08-24-2008, 09:51 PM	#14 (permalink)
Mom2-3boys Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 411 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 57 Thanked 106 Times in 67 Posts	I didn't try to take her daughter, they were going through an extremely rough time and I thought it would be good if she came to live with me during the summer. I wasn't accusatory towards her in any way, we presented it to her and her reply "Like hell!" My niece spent the remainder of the summer paying (by being grounded)for even suggesting coming to my house. This was brought up right after my sis (in front of me) told my niece she would be a nothing all her life. Would you say that to your child?? I guess I believe you better choose your words carefully before you talk to someone because once you say them you can't take them back. My niece, now 21 that she said that too, still brings it up, it still hurts her VERY much. You are right teens do just run away and I do not condone my niece running away but from past experience I wouldn't be surprised if she did say something, if she didn't then I am wrong and I will be the one to admit it I never said I was the perfect mother and my sister was/is a bad mother. In fact when they were younger she was a great mother she was very involved, but the older they got the less she dealt with them without be critical and fly off the handle mad. Does she always do it no but it happens a lot do I think she should have the 16 y/o taken away no but I do think she needs some help I guess the 16 y/o and the husband as well. BIL loves her but he hates having to walk around on egg shells as do their kids. You think I don't have a right to be judgemental, well hell, she has judged me all my life. I have never been able to do anything right in her eyes, if I bent over backwards it still wouldn't be enough because I didn't split in half. She has always been that way and with everyone in the family. I'm sure there are others that know someone that way. When it comes to my nieces and nephews you can bet your butt I will do whatever I can to help them. My grown nieces and nephews still call me on drugs, sex, friends, family whatever because they know I will listen to them without being judgemental and without jumping down their throats. I am sure I have heard things that their parents will never know, and as long as they aren't doing anything illegal or dangerous it will stay that way. I will not violate their trust.

08-26-2008, 01:03 PM	#15 (permalink)
Mom2-3boys Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 411 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 57 Thanked 106 Times in 67 Posts	I found out last night my niece turned herself into the police Sun. night. She has opted to stay in jail for 5 days instead of going home with her parents, we will see what happens from here.

08-28-2008, 08:10 AM	#21 (permalink)
DonnaWV Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,238 iTrader: (0) Thanks: 35 Thanked 28 Times in 27 Posts	I hope your niece gets the help she needs, now. Sending hugs and prayers for your family. __________________ Love being a Grandma I know the Master

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