Thread: I don't Know What To Do??

Me and my husband have been fighting non stop for the last 6 months and I am at my wits end! I cannot even ask him anything and he gets up and starts yelling at me and calling me names and gets the kids in on it. They yell at him to stop etc. We have had a very hard marriage and have been married for 14 years and I have 1 daughter from before him and then we have 1 son together. He has 3 grown boys who their mother has put us into debt and we were homeless until 3 years ago. So we have not had a easy marriage ,but me and him no matter what has happened have gotten along. My ex just started paying support 3 years ago after me fighting him for it for 13 years and now is on disability and now my daughter gets a little 100 dollars a month in disability so needless to say that is a sore spot . My husband for some reason pays almost 200 a week for a 19 year old son and has had a lien put on our truck etc . And now after 13 years my husband has started going around his brother who he stopped going around because his brother stole his identity and got arrested and had my husband robbed . Me and his mother have never got along - she is just crazy. The first time we were homeless we went and stayed with her and that was the first time I met her and she called me a white face b**ch! We stayed there only about a week and the last night my kids were asleep on the couch and she was sitting on the chair and throwing big candles at them until one of them hit my son ,who at the time was 2 or 3, woke up crying and I smacked her well she pulled half of my hair out and my sister in law called the police and they wanted to take her to jail , but my husband would not let them just said we would leave and we ended up living in our car for about a month! But we still got along and never really fought . We all got saved about 1 1/2 years ago and for the first year everything was great but now lately we do nothing but fight we quit going to church , I ask my husband simple questions like for example the other day he called me from work and asked me to measure to wall above the bathroom sink and that he had gotten the huge mirror from the bathroom at work because they redone it I asked what kind of mirror it was and size and if it had a frame or not - He was quiet for a second and all of sudden yelled " well you stupid bi**ch why are you always accusing me of stuff f*** you I don't have to tell you anything I do you are not God and hung up on me. What is going on ?? I know we are having problems but I think this is way beyond that . Can people be possessed?? He really acts crazy and not at all like hisself . I love him with all of being and then to be treated like this and to top it off I have Fibromyalgia and if any of you know about that stress does not help! I have been in a bad episode for the last month and can barely get out of bed and I have to hear that . God does not like lazy people is what i hear . Can someone lose their salvation? Should I divorce him?? I want to leave so bad right now . But i have my 12 year old son to worry about. But i cannot live like this . We have not went 1 day in last 6 months without fighting . He has tore up furniture clothes dishes. and for nothing I will say something about like i know it is supposed to be cool here sunday and I said that I was going to mow the yard then and that put him on a tirade for the last 3 days. I just do not know what to do?? I have no family the only 2 people I did have died in the last year my grandfather and grandmother. so I stuck i guess.

My personla opinion, your husband is emotionally immature and pschologyically abusive, it sounds like he has a nasty temper on him too! What is to stop him from turning around and hitting you and your children instead of breaking up dishes and objects

His ex put us into debt because every single time I would try to work or the boys would tell her that we had bought something (like for example I got my exes tax check and bought us an air conditioner ) well she took that to mean that we had money so she would take my husband to court and get the child support raised. At one point the reason we were homeless was because My husband was making $329 every2 weeks and she got the child support raised to where my husband was pauing 115 a week so that did not leave us any money and any bill we had we got sued for we got evicted because we could not pay rent . I am now disabled and cannot work. Another time my husband was working making 200.00 a week and she got 170 a week in child support . But me and my husband have always gotten along - I knew he had 3 sons . But of course I did not know his ex was crazy. The day we got married she somehow got the prosecuter to seize our bank account and every single check i wrote for the wedding, tux, reception etc bounced. Last year she talked us into paying $230 for the one sons teeth to be fixed which was no problem, well come to find out she had lied and he had already been there their once and had it paid from hoosier health wise because she is on disability and she kept the money. Which I can understand that we have not had it easy but it is just all of a sudden in the last 6 months and I cannot even think of anything that could have happened and he cannot either when he does have a good moment he says he does not know why he is doing this. I want to leave , but with me not being able to work and I guess I could get on disabilty but I haven't been to the doctor since 1999 when I was diagnosed and I have no insurance etc. He calls me from work sometimes and is so nice and then we he comes home he walks in the door and his whole mood changes. Could it be something about this house. We have lived here for 9 months.

I know I have to leave I just hate this I hate to give up ! I married for life and even though right now this is slowing killing me I just hate giving up and i hate my kids seeing this. I do not know what to do right now. He has never hit me or the kids he just has gotten very verbally abusive which sometimes i think is worse golly to be hit it is over with but the words that are said stay with you for ever.

Sometimes the first step is the hardest, you said it yourslef, you have to leave. I ended my marriage because my ex husband was emotionally abusive, mentally ill, at that time we were living with his mentally ill MIL, so it was just a two for one thing, if you want to talk PM me I know it is going to be hard but you have to think of yourself, YOU are the most importnat person in your life, dont be another quota, it is NOT alright for him to smash the things up you worked so hard for and tehn tell you how it was YOUR fault cause YOU made him angry, that is bull hockey!

I hate to say this but it sounds like there is some kind of chemical inbalance here, whether he is suffering from some type of mental illness or & I really hate to say this but, he is using drugs . You & the kids do not deserve to live like this. No one deserves to be abused - mentally , physically or emotionally.

Yeah i thought about drugs also but he is 48 . also i thought maybe he is having affair . My mom got real mean to my dad when she was having affair on him and they got divorced eventually. i dont know i right now to the point where i do not care i just want out. i am so glad i have gotten responses from all of you because i have noone i have talked to my dad in 10 years and my mom is the type that whenever i do ask for advice she just says that she does not want to get into it and that since i left her house 20 years ago i am on my own!!! You would think she would have advice having gone through 2 divorces herself!! LOL . I think until i do figure out what i am going to do i will ask my ex if my daughter can stay with him for a while since school is out next week. but then when i think that i think about my son who would be here by hisself and him and his sister are soooo close.

Could it be the infamous mid-life crisis? Maybe he is just feeling his age lately. Is there anyway you can afford to go to counseling? Most churches will do it for free, maybe you can go back to your church?

Good luck! I am sure you will make the right decision. I know your kids are the most important thing in your life - but you have to think about yourself also.

What a mess! First... you do not HAVE to be abused. You don't deserve it, and neither do your children. There are women's shelters that will help you get back on your feet. They will help you fill out the papers for Disability, help find you a place to live, and provide counseling. They will also help you find low cost/free medical care.

Help IS out there, you need only look for it.

Even if you stay with your husband, and it DOES sound like something new is happening if his life (it may not be an affair, it could just be stressors), there is help out there for you.

If you are that low income, you should be eligible for many government programs. It is "assistance," not something to be ashamed of. You should be eligible for food stamps until you get on your feet. Check with your local community action board for help with utilities.

Hope this helps.

Linda

If he hasn't always acted like this, it sounds to me like he's either drinking/doing drugs, depressed, or having an affair. Why did you all stop going to church if it was helping you at the time?? See if he will go to counseling with you-if not go by yourself!!

Doesnt anybody else think it is odd that he must pay $170 out of a $200 dollar check. After axes,FICA, social security, etc., he would probably only have $150 so how does he pay $170. Unless of course the $200 is after deductions, but it still is too much and does not make sense.

Something here is not right. NO court would force your hubby to pay $170 out of a $200 check for child support. Even if he were single with no other dependants, this would not happen. There are laws and maximums that they can take from you for current and past support payments. So either you are not telling us the truth or you have no clue as to your hubbys finances and are relying on what he is telling you and it is false. You need to look at the court orders, which are public record. If support is so high you need to take her back to court and have the payments reduced. I think there are many things going on at the same tiime. It is apparant that he has a mental issue, anger issues, he is also probably having an affair, all at the same time. Id also start to look at where the money is because it is NOT all going to the ex wife. Also no one can enforce a child support payment on a 19 year old adult. No one says you are entitled to college. His son can get a job and pay his way thru school like most everyone else does. Take the reins, get the bull by the horns and start taking what you are deserving of.

I thought you had no family because your grandparents recently died, then you speak of your Mom and Dad. You are flakey. I am sorry to say this but all I have to go on is your posts and I think you are a bit nuts like your hubby. If all you say is true. Leave, go to a shelter and get on a welfare to work program or disability.

Me