Pls. help me with 4 yr. old with attitude!!! - Big Big Forums

mattsmommy · 05-03-2005, 08:29 AM

Hi all, I don't post here very much, been around a while, just mainly "lurking" I guess.

My 4 1/2 yr. old son is normally the sweetest kid, good natured, easy going, overall great. He goes to preschool 3 days a week (has been going for almost 2 years). Lately, he's taken to throwing a huge fit when I take him on Tuesdays (first day of the week). I picked him up last week, thinking something must be wrong, etc... He comes home and is fine.
He has a 2 year old sister who adores him. I don't know if he's jealous of her staying here with me while he's in school or what? She's start in the fall with him-he knows this and seems happy over it.
Today, he throws a huge hissy fit when I drop him off, kicking screaming the works. Teacher takes him in, I just got off the phone that he hit the teacher and tried to hit some classmates. He's in the Director's office sitting in a chair. She asked him if he wanted to go back to his class (they are about to have a birthday party he know's about). He says no. She sends him to the 2 year old class. (Fine by me, he's acting about like one...)
Question-what do I do? Nothing has really changed around here lately, he gets lots of attention and seems happy here. He talks about his teacher all the time-he loves her and his friends.
He doesn't hit people-fights with his sister, but not hitting, typical brother-sister stuff.
Has anyone else got a preschooler like this or can offer advice? Tells me he loves school, can't wait to go back when he's here to see his teacher and friends, then he goes and acts like that???
TIA.

llbriteyes · 05-03-2005, 09:13 AM

Four year olds take tantrums. Its their job. Something might have changed in the way they do things, or he might be jealous of his sister. Its hard to know with four year olds. Just re-assure him in the right way. Don't reward bad behavior.

Good luck.

Linda

Kelsey1224 · 05-03-2005, 12:20 PM

Gosh...I don't think tantrums should just be dismissed as "normal". It sounds to me like something is going on.

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to go to preschool anymore?

Eyore · 05-03-2005, 12:28 PM

I agree ask him why he doesn't want to go to school. You might also talk to the teacher maybe there is a kid there that is bothering him or something.

HumblePie98 · 05-03-2005, 12:32 PM

My 5yr old was having fits about riding the bus. He refused, cryed etc.... When i asked him about it he told me. His bus driver was telling the kids to shut the F up, etc. He said he hated it. Well Thats all it took, and I called the school. She's not the driver anymore, and he has no probems riding to school.

supermous · 05-04-2005, 12:25 AM

It is difficult to tell with the 4 year olds, I understand what you are going through! As someone on here said earlier, perhaps he had a quibble with some other child and they are bothering him.
When my son was 5 and started kindergarden he said that he loved it, great attitude and everything. About two weeks into going to school he became quite upset at the prospect of my dropping him off at school. When I consulted with his teacher there seemed to be no problems. I tried asking him about what was wrong etc, I asked him for days and still there would be tears when it was time to drop him off in the morning. I even tried giving him things like a small pocket sized pound puppy that he could carry in his backpack to remind him that 'mommy is thinking of me' , and little 'love notes' put inside of his lunchbox, hoping that would help him to cope. I would question him day after day. All that he kept telling me was that he wanted to stay at home with me because he missed me. Finally after several weeks of this he was able to reveal that his reason for not wanting to get dropped off in the mornings was that he didn't like having to go outside to the playground by himself in order to find his friends. He felt as if he was alone since he didn't really know alot of the older children and that he wouldn't be able to find anybody to play with before the school bell would ring.
Keep talking with your son, I am sure that eventually the real reason for his behaviors will surface!

Freebeemom · 05-04-2005, 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by supermous

It is difficult to tell with the 4 year olds, I understand what you are going through! As someone on here said earlier, perhaps he had a quibble with some other child and they are bothering him.
When my son was 5 and started kindergarden he said that he loved it, great attitude and everything. About two weeks into going to school he became quite upset at the prospect of my dropping him off at school. When I consulted with his teacher there seemed to be no problems. I tried asking him about what was wrong etc, I asked him for days and still there would be tears when it was time to drop him off in the morning. I even tried giving him things like a small pocket sized pound puppy that he could carry in his backpack to remind him that 'mommy is thinking of me' , and little 'love notes' put inside of his lunchbox, hoping that would help him to cope. I would question him day after day. All that he kept telling me was that he wanted to stay at home with me because he missed me. Finally after several weeks of this he was able to reveal that his reason for not wanting to get dropped off in the mornings was that he didn't like having to go outside to the playground by himself in order to find his friends. He felt as if he was alone since he didn't really know alot of the older children and that he wouldn't be able to find anybody to play with before the school bell would ring.
Keep talking with your son, I am sure that eventually the real reason for his behaviors will surface!

ITA. I would ask if there was a place in the room (or a 2 way mirror, door w/a hole in it or something) so you can watch it without him knowing it. It sounds to me like things are going on that you need to take care of. I understand that 4 year old's have tantrums, but this seems out of the ordinary.

mattsmommy · 05-04-2005, 09:54 AM

He made it thru the morning yesterday, talked with the teacher awhile, she wasn't too much help. I kept trying to get him to talk about things, he finally came in the room and told me he was ready to talk last night. Part of the problem is this it turns out--
He got three salamanders for pets (he's big time into creepy crawly things...). About two weeks ago, one escaped and died. He didn't get too upset over that, but last week, another one passed on. Don't know why or anything, but again, no big deal to him. I decided that we could take the last one back to my Dad's and release it at the pond (Dad had caught them there for him). Matthew liked that idea, told him he could go to the pond and maybe see him and all-had him sold on that idea. Well, dingbat DH decides to get rid of it himself and does. Matt sees the empty tank and asks where is Toby? DH flat out tells him he let it go.

We also have a fish tank and Matt asked it daddy was going to throw away his fish too yesterday. apparently, he's afraid that DH is going to do that while he's gone again.

We talked it out for now, DH has alot of explaining to do tonight to Matt. Got him convinced the fish are here to stay and we will even get a new friend for Nemo and Gremlin this weekend. He's already looked at his fish book and picked out what he wants, so hopefully, all is well again.
Thanks for listening to me gripe, I hope that's the big problem with him...He was happy to go to school today, told his fishes he would see them soon-he hadn't been talking to them lately, guess now I know why.

Kelsey1224 · 05-04-2005, 10:02 AM

Ahhhh...poor little guy. He thought that Dad would get rid of his pets while he was at school. Give your hubby a smack upside the head for me!!!

Sometimes we forget just how sensitive these little boys are. And what may see little to us...is really big to them.