No more celebrations. Kids won't allow it!!!! - Big Big Forums

kidzpca · 03-06-2005, 09:20 PM

What is it with kids today? I’m officially done. I’ve had enough. My 13 year old dd and 10 year old ds have pulled the ultimate let down. Nearly 3 weeks ago they fought and destroyed my Wife and My Valentine’s Day.

Today, they destroyed my plans to go out to lunch or dinner for my belated 40th birthday. What did they do? They fought over a chore. I’m done, through. I’ve had enough. No more celebrating anything. No more birthdays, holidays, or any other celebration. For years now to no avail…They have nearly destroyed every celebration we could have done in the past 3 years. If it doesn’t revolve around them…It apparently doesn’t happen.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like an abused parent.

After working all day, a 12 hour shift yesterday, my actual birthday, I was not in the mood to celebrate and planned to celebrate by having a decent dinner for my family of four at a decent restaurant…

I get Call after Call from kids friends on Sunday, the rule being no one but family involvement on Sundays. Sunday’s being just for family. Then one kid, whom called four times in the am just shows up to play. I’m bored from him, my son and dot. I don’t care. The rule is Family ONLY on Sunday. However, reluctantly I let them play for a short while.

Then a Neighborhood kid calls and we tell him no to coming over…He comes over to play anyhow…Yet the Family knows our wishes for FAMILY ONLY on Sunday. But who cares? Been like this for four years too. Kid shows up on Sunday like clockwork even when we say “no” send him home and/or the Parent’s wonder why. WHAT PART OF FAMILY ONLY SUNDAY’S DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?! Always the neighborhood baby-sitter. Never any piece.

When all is done I have the kids sweep the floors as the daily chore, while wife does some cleaning and organizing in the basement. She asked for a little help from the kids to put things away that she found or she was throwing the stuff away as they never ever put the stuff away unless we tell them. You know exactly…like the Brady Bunch episode where Greg wants to live by his Exact words.

Well having the kids help mom for like 15 minutes was too much…WAR between the too…but not their fault…but the other’s. So no one went out to dinner as I planned. Refuse to reward nasty behavior and disrespect toward Parents’. I refuse to justify bad behavior.

Excuse, I’m bored. Nothing to do…And this happens several times a week. In particular, on the weekend. I’ve had it. Done. Finito. I’m through. Yet it is always my fault that they don’t do anything. Always bored. Oh knock it off!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve tried taking privileges away, adding chores, lectures, no phone, TV, Computer, videogames. You name it I’ve done it nothing works anymore.

Can I turn them in? I sick of the disrespect toward me and my wife. Sick, sick, sick. What more can I do?

sivohdarba · 03-06-2005, 09:34 PM

I can understand your frustration. I am the mother of a 12 and 9 year old. I think the kids feel that they have won when you let ruin your plans. Have you considered just taking your wife out, just the two of you and getting a sitter for the kids?

My kids tend to bicker,argue and disrespect me when they are bored. I tell them to find something to do on their own, or I will find something far worse if they don't. If they continue to nag and whine, I not only take away something like tv time, computer,playstation, but I also make them do a chore. Works most of the time.

Maybe the Sunday being family only day isn't working for any of you. It sounds like you are all miserable being cooped up together and not enjoying any quality family time. Perhaps you could try telling them if they get their chores done in a timely manner, and are fair and respectful to you and your wife they will be allowed to have a friend over, or better yet go to one of the neighborhood kids house that are always infringing on your house on Sunday?

kidzpca · 03-06-2005, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sivohdarba

Maybe the Sunday being family only day isn't working for any of you. It sounds like you are all miserable being cooped up together and not enjoying any quality family time. Perhaps you could try telling them if they get their chores done in a timely manner, and are fair and respectful to you and your wife they will be allowed to have a friend over, or better yet go to one of the neighborhood kids house that are always infringing on your house on Sunday?

I agree with you mostly. Except for the Sunday thing. You see the neighborhood kids are here at our house constantly. Everyday. I work 12 hour shifts at a hospital and must work several Sundays. So when I work they get to do things elsewhere...

When I get a Sunday off which averages every other Sunday...I want it for FAMILY ONLY. This is only 1 time out of 2. Half the time. They can and will follow this one rule...As this is one day I can spend with them to see what is going on in their busy lives. A time to rest, reflect and solve any problems they are having.

cinnamonch · 03-06-2005, 10:01 PM

Would you fill comfortable leaving them at home alone? If not, can you get a baby sitter and just you and the wife go out and enjoy yourself?

What I am trying to understand is who is the parent, you, them or the friends? There is no way these kids would get inside my front door. These kids continue to come over because they know that you have not and will not enforce any rules. Likewise your kids know the same thing.

As far as your kids, whenever they want to do something just say no. They want to go to the movies - NO! They want to go over friends house - No. Friends think they can come over stop them at the door and say No, this day is for family only. You might also have a discussion with these friends parents and tell them that their child(ren) are not to come over.

If having family time is important, have you ever let the kids pick what to do? You might get their input but also stress that they will not be able to do anything until the chores are done.

You said your wife asked for them to help or else she would get rid of their things. Since they didnt help, did she follow through? If not, she needs to. Dont throw the things away. Just put them in boxes/bags and take them to the nearest shelter/orphanage and donate them.

Quit arguing with your children. They don't want to do what you say, not a problem. You have laid the ground rules so they know what will happen. You just follow through.

***buttrfli*** · 03-06-2005, 10:14 PM

Give em PB&J on a paper towel and you guys order some pizza.

I TOTALLY know how you feel! When our older 2 girls were in their pre/teens I thought I was going to lose my mind! It was like no one in the world mattered but them (seperately of course

) All of the kids in the neighborhood were constantly at our house, and the girls fought like you would not believe (I am talking fist fights to the point that police have been called)

I gave up. They were no longer allowed to have anyone over. If their friends showed up, I personally told them to leave (and wasn't nice about it) and they had 0 phone privelages. That went on for a year. It seemed for a while that the more time went on, the worse they got, but I stuck to my guns and eventually they realized things weren't about to change so they straightened up a bit.. not much mind you, but enough to be tolerable.

I am sorry things got messed up for you

queenangie · 03-06-2005, 10:24 PM

So sorry your bd was not as you'd hoped.

Happy Belated BD!

Teenagers and preteens start out as babies
'cause if they arrived at your door as a 13 yo
I'd have sent mine back!' LOL!
And I'll add that for the most part, I have good kids (now 19 & 15).

We have always considered going out to eat a treat
for our family.
Sounds like just the adults should go out to eat alone
for a while.
I liked the suggestion where the kids get PB&J on a paper towel,
while the adults have a nice dinner out together.

Ya gotta be the parents, act as a team, and set the rules.
Decide which battle you are going to pick with your kids.

A suggestion that you could tell your children,
that for your birthday,
their gift to you would be good behavior (no bickering or friends over).

Another pearl of wisdom that I have learned is this:
the squeaky wheel gets the attention good or bad.
Ya gotta give them hugs & kisses
and tell your kids you love them Every Day.

While you may not like their behavior,
you have to stress that you'll always love them.

Good luck with the parenting.
It's a thankless job,
until they have kids of their own.
(or so I hear!)

cpbaby · 03-06-2005, 11:25 PM

I TOTALLY agree with cinnamonch.

I hate to tell you this, but you are letting them rule the house, not the other way around. If there is no other way, take everything out of their room(s) but their mattresses and let them earn their stuff back. Let them out of their rooms only for chores, meals and bathroom breaks. I would tell the neigborhood children SO SORRY and shut the door. If your children are bored, then they dont have enough to do so I would FIND them something to do. My 16 1/2 yr old son had the nerve once to tell me that he was TIRED of not having folded clothes in his room. POOF, it has been his job to fold clothes ever since. My children learned EARLY to not tell me that they were bored because I alwasy FOUND them something to do. Nothing else, they can mop the kitchen floor with a bucket and sponge. Mine have.

gingerswit · 03-06-2005, 11:36 PM

my kids are a hanful. They are young yet and I know it only gets tougher. I agree with this statement made above.

Ya gotta be the parents, act as a team, and set the rules.
Decide which battle you are going to pick with your kids.

you see I gave in to a lot and thus my yet young kids thought they could do anything. Now that I stick to my guns and don't argue with my children it seems there is a more healthy living environment. Kids often only push as far as you let them. I would also reccomend some alone time as you seem to need it.

catssass · 03-06-2005, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cpbaby

I TOTALLY agree with cinnamonch.

I hate to tell you this, but you are letting them rule the house, not the other way around. If there is no other way, take everything out of their room(s) but their mattresses and let them earn their stuff back. Let them out of their rooms only for chores, meals and bathroom breaks. I would tell the neigborhood children SO SORRY and shut the door. If your children are bored, then they dont have enough to do so I would FIND them something to do. My 16 1/2 yr old son had the nerve once to tell me that he was TIRED of not having folded clothes in his room. POOF, it has been his job to fold clothes ever since. My children learned EARLY to not tell me that they were bored because I alwasy FOUND them something to do. Nothing else, they can mop the kitchen floor with a bucket and sponge. Mine have.

I agree!!
My 16 DD got mouthy with me the other day, I grounded her, she started slamming her bedroom door, all pissy, BAM!! I took the door off the hinges and put it in the garage, she kept it up and one by one her things left her room, if it was moveable..it left...needless to say she is starting to get my point, this is MY home and I will NOT put up with that crap...and we have family time on Sunday, too, that means NO friends and NO means NO, stick to your guns, don't be a doormat, I don't blame the kids, its your fault you have to make the rules and STICK with them, thats the tough part, sticking with them, also, you have to make time for you and your wife, leave the kids home or get a babysitter, hubby and I have one day or night a week for just ourselves, thats usually the time we plot against the DD...lol

Good Luck and hang tough!!

freebielover · 03-06-2005, 11:39 PM

Next time they have a birthday and they want a party, have your OWN party with your friends coming over, don't let them have a big blowout. They may get the point.

VALENA-)45 · 03-07-2005, 12:09 AM

I can see by the number of posts that you have done you have been here a long time. listen to the ladies, they are all right. you eather put your foot down and make the kids mine, or you can lay down and let them walk all over you. you decide how you want it and stick to it. i have 3 sons, all grown, but when i said no, there was hello to pay when they went against anything i said.