How much before I snap? - Big Big Forums

belle5691 · 10-29-2004, 11:12 PM

Before I even start, I feel guilty for feeling this way. I think about people on here who has family who died and think I should quit whining. I have one close friend who I vent to, and right now, I dont even feel like talking to him. About 3 years ago, my husband got sick. He had a heart attack. He has had 2 more since then, he has also been in the hospital 3 or 4 additional times for congestive heart failure, and pneumonia, and a rotator cuff surgery. He will be 45 years old next Friday. Since the 3rd heart attack, I have been the one to work, I work about 15 miles from home, Im beginning to hate my job, because when I first started there they wanted to fire me because I was overweight, (its an eye doctors office), then they asked me to stay and I did, and now my car is messed up, Ive poured over $1000 into fixing the car the past 6 months, now it needs another $500 repair. I got a speeding ticket last year for speeding 10 miles over on the highway. I didnt have enough money to pay the ticket and so got my license suspended. I dont have enough money to get that problem fixed. I got approved for a new car, when the license problem is fixed, but I cant afford it. My car isnt safe to drive right now, but it has to be driven so I can keep working. Then, my other part time job, there was a misunderstanding there, and I have to swallow and just "go with the flow" because I cant afford to miss out on the money. Im tired, all I want to do is cry. I get so mad at going to work every day and coming home and all that is done is dishes and laundry, but the rest of the house is a disaster. I work till 7 pm 2 or 3 times a night, then in addition, work the pt job. My drunk neighbor just came downstairs a little bit ago and said what was the banging noise on his ceiling (it was our ceiling fan--its a little bit loose, cause the landlord rarely fixes anything, and Im too far behind on rent and hes not kicked me out yet, so I dont complain). The neighbor seeks to forget all the times he is drunk and fighting with the stepdaughter. I feel bad for resenting that more is not done at home. My husband is supposed to wear compression stockings in the day time now and wrap his legs at night. Its not working to reduce the swelling anymore. Its just a matter of time before we are back at the hospital, and I cant afford more time off work, the car is too hard to drive, the kids have to go to school every day. If you got this far, thank you for reading. My husband is going to mental health counseling for his depression over his illness, but I dont have time or money to do anything....And---we've been fighting for disability for almost 2 years. Every person/doctor who sees my husband says no way can he work, but for some reason the disability process thinks he can. We are on our 3rd appeal, and have an attorney trying to help now. Will it ever get better? And tonight my throat hurts so bad, my ears hurt, I have to go back to work tomorrow. I dont have time to be sick. Will it ever get better?

queenangie · 10-29-2004, 11:22 PM

Sending you warm hugs & prayers too.

I wonder if things have been so difficult at home, if you maybe don't have a little touch of depression going on too.

Hon, you have to care for yourself 1st.

I think you are being spread so thin with working 2 jobs, sick DH, kids, housework, $$ worries that everyone else is getting attention, and no energy or hope is left for you.

Sending prayers and hugs too!

***buttrfli*** · 10-29-2004, 11:38 PM

{{{{HUGS******

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this

What would happen if you were to quit a job? I realize that you need the money, but would you qualify for some type of assistace through the state? I agree w/ angie that you are getting yourself spread too thin and you could potentially compromise your own health.

If I lived near you, I'd sure try to help in some way, but if you need to talk or vent, feel free to e-mail me anytime

justinenycole26 · 10-30-2004, 01:13 AM

Yes, it will get better. Once your Dh's disability is approved (and it will be, it's just a matter of time) you will get a nice fat check for the time he hwas been waiting. You will be able to pay your bills, maybe get that other car, and most importantly get the weight of the world off your shoulders. It sucks waiting, but think of the end result.

Keep venting, it will make you feel better.

msmom79 · 10-30-2004, 06:50 AM

sending you prayers and hugs that things get better for you and your family real soon

Tasha405 · 10-30-2004, 10:21 AM

((((Hugs))))

mlayton1994 · 10-30-2004, 10:45 AM

((hugs))

LunaChick · 10-30-2004, 10:50 AM

It just amazes me how some people can get disability so easily and others like your husband, who is obviously sick, cannot.

I hope things work out for you and your family. You sure could use a break.

MamaFairal · 10-30-2004, 02:35 PM

Belle............Ahhh i see good news coming your way after the new year...

He'll be approved and it'll all be worth it!

joni1269 · 10-30-2004, 02:50 PM

{{{{{hugs**********

laughsalot · 10-30-2004, 03:33 PM

{{{{Belle********** Oh my goodness, You have so much on your plate. I dont know how you are even holding it together as well as you are. Maybe you should be seeing someone about depression too. I am definatly praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts and it looks as though there are several others who are doing the same, so something good has got to happen. Please take care of yourself. Keep us updated on how you are doing. Lots more hugs to you!