SIL and my baby clothes. - Big Big Forums

lisarae · 03-13-2004, 09:21 AM

Ok, my son if 4 years old, and I kept absolutely ever piece of baby clothes for when I had another child, but it was a girl and I have all of these clothes here. My SIL is 19, pregnant, and is having a boy. She has no job, lives with her mom, who is 63, working a part time minimum wage job. She takes off and leaves for days without calling. She's going to her boyfriends house. WHO is NASTY. From what I heard, no electricity, no running water. NOTHING. He has no job, (don't know how hes gonna support a child) I do not want these clothes to go to her. I have a cousin who just had a baby boy on Wed, a neice due like any minute. She will probaby have the baby today, dont know if its a boy or girl. And i have anothe neice due in June, with a boy. NOW, my dh wants the clothes to go to his bratty sister. But he says they would be going to his mom, cause thats who would be buying the baby clothes. Which, I totally understand that. But she lets SIL walk all over her, and she keeps letting her back in. A WEEK before she found out she was pregnant, she was at the mall, stoned out of her head. Whose to say she still isn't doing that. I know I should be thinking about the baby, but she makes it soo hard.
What should I do? (If you can understand this story). She calls about every other day wanting the clothes, and shes not due until june. DH is saying he will give her the clothes but if she leaves to go to where her boyfriend is, she is not to take the clothes. But I dont want to take that chance.

momfromTN · 03-13-2004, 09:36 AM

Give the clothes to the other lady who just had a boy, NOW, and tell DH if he doesn't like it, he can go live with MOMMY. It is up to you where the clothes go and he obviously doesn't have his head on straight.

I wouldn't give SIL anything. She sounds unfit to even be raising the child and should consider adoption. In fact, I would be calling CPS on her anyway if you see her do anything unfit once the child is here. Tell DH you will give the clothes to someone a lot more deserving and you will not support a lazy, drugged-out, selfish person. And tell her the same thing. Maybe if someone stood up to her, instead of catering to her, it would make a difference. Shame on your DH and MIL for catering to her. Tell her she is capable of having a JOB like everyone else and maybe she should have been doing that instead of doing dope.

I don't care if I get flamed for my opinion. I have very little sympathy for people like that.

LADYBUDD1 · 03-13-2004, 09:46 AM

Maybe you could kinda save the stained up stuff for SIL and give the good stuff to the others you were talking about. That baby didn't ask to be born, and it needs clothing just as much as any other baby. Please don't let that poor poor baby do without clothes, it sounds as if that baby will need them very much. IMO Just think of that little baby, not your SIL. Maybe she will change after the baby comes and be a good mom, as you may know child birth makes you see thing somewhat differently. Not tring to defend the SIL but, you never know till you are walking in her shoes, what her life is like. Maybe she has already stopped the stoning (drug use). But regardless, that baby needs clothing!!!

cch · 03-13-2004, 09:48 AM

Divide them up?

momfromTN · 03-13-2004, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by LADYBUDD1
Maybe you could kinda save the stained up stuff for SIL and give the good stuff to the others you were talking about. That baby didn't ask to be born, and it needs clothing just as much as any other baby. Please don't let that poor poor baby do without clothes, it sounds as if that baby will need them very much. IMO Just think of that little baby, not your SIL. Maybe she will change after the baby comes and be a good mom, as you may know child birth makes you see thing somewhat differently. Not tring to defend the SIL but, you never know till you are walking in her shoes, what her life is like. Maybe she has already stopped the stoning (drug use). But regardless, that baby needs clothing!!!

Since MIL caters to her, that child will not go naked, I am willing to bet. Also, there are service agencies that will give you clothes. Also, if she is due in June, shouldn't SHE have been looking for clothes by now? What about the baby's father? It is NO ONE's responsibility to clothe someone else's child. I was given a lot when I had my kids. But NEVER did I EXPECT and ASK for it. And would have bought my own things, if need be.

If she is like my brother, she is selfish and does what she wants. I was suckered into giving him and my SIL my baby's things. I wish I hadn't now. My brother has NEVER been made to be a man and take care of himself. He has been a druggie and MOM has bailed him out so many times I cannot count. His wife left 3 yrs ago and abandoned him with the kids. The kids are in foster care now (I live in another state and cannot get them but am still trying to) because he was not man enough to keep a dang job and provide basic heat and water for their home and keep it basically clean. He is about to lose his house also, because my mom stopped giving him money. He thinks my parents OWE him. I mean, damn! Mom GAVE him the house he took a loan against and is now losing because he is too lazy to work and keep the payments. I guess I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who refuse to help themselves and expecet the rest of us to pay for it.

freeby4me · 03-13-2004, 10:10 AM

Why punish that baby? I say give the clothes to the baby. You dont need them anymore and it sounds like the other people are a little more financially sound right now than she is. How will you feel if you come over there and that baby is wearing a raggety old T-shirt because you felt anger at its mother? Put aside your feelings for the mother and do whats right for the baby.

momfromTN · 03-13-2004, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by freeby4me
Why punish that baby? I say give the clothes to the baby. You dont need them anymore and it sounds like the other people are a little more financially sound right now than she is. How will you feel if you come over there and that baby is wearing a raggety old T-shirt because you felt anger at its mother? Put aside your feelings for the mother and do whats right for the baby.

Pardon me, but if that girl cannot provide more than a ragged Tshirt for her child, because she is lazy and expects people to cater to her, then it is HER fault. Look, I feel sorry for the baby too. But it is no one else's responsibility to clothes that lazy girl's child. Financially sound? If she was WORKING and had been working, and mom didn't bail her out and cater to her, perhaps this wouldn't be an issue. She made her own bed. It is one thing to help someone down on their luck or who has suffered a tragedy or bad luck, or someone who made a mistake but TRYING to correct it. This, I am betting, is not the case.

momfromTN · 03-13-2004, 10:19 AM

Let me add, that maybe if SIL is MADE to fend for herself, instead of having everything handed to her, that she will finally grow up, get a job, and take care of that baby properly. I hope and pray that happens.

YankeeMary · 03-13-2004, 11:05 AM

Maybe you can give the clothes to your cousin (the one that just had the baby) and when she is finished using them then she can give them back to you since by then it should be June and SIL can have them...I wish you luck...just a little thought here...don't ever loan anything out that you want back even to best girlfriens or family...9 times out of 10 you will not get them back.

zitra · 03-13-2004, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by YankeeMary
Maybe you can give the clothes to your cousin (the one that just had the baby) and when she is finished using them then she can give them back to you since by then it should be June and SIL can have them...I wish you luck...just a little thought here...don't ever loan anything out that you want back even to best girlfriens or family...9 times out of 10 you will not get them back.

i agree, but also feel it is in bad taste to give baby clothing to someone, abd then ask for it back ( unless you are expectint at the time you give them)

krisharry · 03-13-2004, 11:21 AM

Give some to your cousin and your neice if it's a boy. Give some to the other neice due in June and save some for SIL. If SIL ends up w/enough you can then give those to the neice due in June, if she
doesn't then you can give her what was set aside and maybe not have to
deal w/probs from DH or MIL-been there and I know what it's like.
I wouldn't really want SIL to have them either but if you give her some it could be less of a headache for you dealing with it. Good luck whatever you decide to do.