life just keeps passing me lemons..how much lemonade am i supposed to drink? - Big Big Forums

12-17-2003, 11:30 PM

well..as of the day before thanksgiving, my DD's Male bio unit aka sperm donor though i prefer male bio unit..henceforth in this thread he will be MBU. well..he has never seen my daughter..she is now 6. so day before thanksgiving. my mother starts recieving calls from him. in one weekend..he called 43 times. **caller ID wonderful it is!!** well..let me go into a bit o detail. my phone number is "unpublished, unlisted" BECAUSE of this yahoo. anyway...this guy..when we went for the "paternity" hearing..it was postponed..because he was in the local hospitals PSYCHE WARD!!!!!!!
yep...he was..i called the psyche ward..but "due to privacy issues" they wouldn't/couldn't give me any info..at the time i was desperate because not only had he stalked myself and my son while i was pregnant..he had accosted my mother verbaly in the middle of my home town...and then went to her home..and had told her he was going to get"his daughter" any way he had to..ie kidnap her. through teh second date of the paternity hearing. he was established as her father..well..one thing ..after i had called he psyche ward..ad gotten nowhere..i called the local non emergency police number..and asked for help..my wrods were" how can i protect my family?" the woman asked me for his name..and WOW..turns out that when he went to the psyche ward? he had been taken there by the cops!!! i won't go into details but his beahviour..was..he was not even CLOSE to dealing with this reality!! and when he was arrested..? they had found a weapon laying at his feet..a lethal type weapon..so....i got VERY lucky..and got a copy of the p[olice report.. ((BEST $4 I HAVE EVER SPENT!!)) during the paternity hearing..the judge was nodding his head..i mean how many times has he heard women bad mouth men ? well..then we introduce "the police report" at which point the judge took it..read it..made a face and ordered NO VISITATION!!! was ordered to pay support..and that was that.
well..we have never seen a thin dime much less what he was ordered. and as far as i am concerned..the lack of support from him? is WORTH it if it keeps him out of our lives!!
so anyway.all teh sudden last month he decides he wants to "know his daughter" this yahoo..not only called my motehr..but he called the caseworker for the child support cases here in my hometown!! mind you MBU is in another state entirely!! well..what did he tell her? " i can't afford to pay anything to my daughter but i want to know her..can you get her mother to contact me? SERIOUSLY !!! HE DID!!! now one of the messages he had left at my mothers house? he wanted to send my girl "something" but not through the courts!!! CAN WE SAY NOT ONLY NO BUT HE*L NO!!! ??? obviously my daughters stunninggood looks, outgoing happy personality AND inteligence are derived from my portion of the DNA!!
to continue...i called through the urging of my CSup. caseworker..to call the police. well i did..the most we could do was tag him for "phone harrassment" which we did. whats worse? is the laws here? he has to be pohysiclay in this town..for me to be able to get a restraining order against him..ie he has to HURT us before we can get protection ..to keep him from HURTING us!!!

anyway..my mother did a trace on his # , the second one he had given us. we've not heard from him since..but ..when all was said and done..there were 48 calls total made. now i am worried he might try to come TAKE her. we know the MBU is mental..he ...*deep sad sigh* he molested my son..while i was with him..i didn't find out till years later..but..i knew something was wrong then so i had my son stay with me absolutely 24/7 until we got back here..and finaly i left him due to all teh "accidents " that this BITCA perpetrated upon my son..we left. he got my son..he will NOT get my girl!! and DS? i told him the truth of all this..whats going on..he is so young to be such a MAN!! i am so proud of him..he is all" we will protect sister" !! well. the day after i found out about the calls..i went to juvy court..got copies of the "NO VISITATION" order..took it to my DD's school and explained..these are the people she is allowed to go with..anyone elsE? call the cops!! also went to my DS school, and had them copy it..explained that it isn;t outside the realm of possibility that he might take DS to use as a bargainiong chip to get DD. three is a paper trail of his harrassment now..

on top of this lil drama? thios is the 1st Christmas in 43 years **mom was married to dad for 43 yrs** that we won't have dad. all us kids are rallying around mum..*G* whats scary is the MBU knows where my mothers home is..and now that dad's not there..i worry for her..but the cops are aware...so we can only hope..she has a cell phone in case her phone lines are cut..not much more we can do.

and whats more? we've all been sick with either the flu or a nasty head/chest cold that will not go away!!

oh..and i have to look forward to dealing with a brother whose a total PERV..**but only towards me** i noticed that after not having seen him for a while..he "hugged " me wrong..i was hugginghim g'bye, and he decided..to let his hands wander..well, i thought anomaly..won;t happen again..well wrong!! it did.. so tehn i watched him ..watched how he hugged others..and guess what? i am the only one in the family he "hugged " like that!!
so the last time we were in the same place..i blew him off when he acted like he wanted a hug. i have already warned mom that if he tries at Christmas..i am going to get VERY vocal!! i am tired of keeping the peace in the family by not saying whats on my mind. no more. i deserve not to be accosted within my family.. and yes..there was abuse by him to me when i was lil. he is about 10 yrs older than me.

oh..and today? i got to spend 4 hrs at the ER..went to pick up my DD..the teacher walks over to me to let me know that my girl is in the nurses room..she had 1. earlier in the day bumped into someone and gotten a bloody nose. then 2. she was running and went head first into a door. 7 stitchs..
and as much as all this is annoying me..i am laighing..why? tired of crying..and ..things could ALWAYS be worse..family motto "WE HAVE ADVENTURE" and yes..we REALY do!!
please let your loved ones know they are loved..wether with presents or words..just make the effort.

take care yall..and HAPPY YULE!!!
Ciao !
Az

PS if any part of this is confusing..just let me know..i'll explain further..*LOL*

MamaFairal · 12-17-2003, 11:44 PM

{{AZ**** sorry for what your going thru hun

MelanieAnn · 12-18-2003, 12:51 AM

Hugs!

So sorry you are going through so much drama.

I hope things get better for you real soon!

Suz*e* · 12-18-2003, 02:20 AM

Lots of stress there for you, try some yoga, a hot bath, and soft music at night for a while. I use this kinda stuff to keep from losing my mind sometimes as silly as it sounds it really cuts back on the nerves.

Actually I use sublimal tapes, to go to sleep in headphones when I am stressed, I kid you not after the second time thru I am out like a light because the noise actually disrupts your thinking so you can sleep because you cannot dwell on your troubles, the tape is beating in your ears instead of the racing stressful thoughts. Play it soft though. Hope I helped some.

iluvmybaby · 12-18-2003, 10:57 AM

Take some time for yourself, you deserve it, you need to have someone come over and watch you kids for the evening, go out on your own, do something fun. Go to bath and body works and get yourself something nice, some lotion, a couple of hand made soaps, or a whole personal care kit. You need to start pampering yourself or you are going to go crazy, if you cant get someone to watch your kids then wait until they are asleep, lock yourself in the bathroom, run yourself a bubble bath, put on some classical music, or whatever floats you boat, have a beer or a glass of wine or juice if you dont drink and spend a WHOLE hour on YOU. When you are done with the bath do your nails, paint them a wild color, heck paint your toe nails. The whole idea is to pamper and enjoy yourself for a whole hour of no kids, no phone calls ((shut the phone OFF, if it is important whoever it is will call back)) relax and just let it all hang out.

Just remember that tis the season and I will be glad in a week when it is over *sigh* ((HUGS)) please take my advice, I dont know what to say about the sperm donor except your mom needs to call the police and get him for phone haressment, get a restraining order and if he violates it have him arrested, he sounds mentally unstable and I would worry about that, he HAS been in a psych ward mind you.

I hope that besides this that you have a HAPPY HOLIDAYS with your family and friends and a prosperous new year, if you ever need to talk email me, my address is in my signature line once again a BIG hug

schsa · 12-18-2003, 11:35 AM

AZ, do you own a gun? I am not an advocate of the use of guns but if the MBU should try to break into your home, you either need a baseball bat or something to scare the crap out of him.

I am so sorry that he suddenly feels the need to come back into his daughter's life. You are doing the right thing by letting everyone know. Also set up a secret password so if someone tries to pick up either of your children anywhere, if that person does not know the password, the child knows to go find a cop or run away.

You are doing well considering what you have been going through.

ajksmom · 12-18-2003, 12:08 PM

AZ, So sorry for all this stuff you are going through. Sounds like you are doing the best you can to protect your children. Hopefully he doesn't try anything.

ttistin · 12-18-2003, 12:14 PM

{{{HUGS****** I dont have anything to say that the others havent, I hope you and your family have a nice safe holiday and a better new year without MBU coming around ever again.

MamaFairal · 12-18-2003, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by schsa
AZ, do you own a gun? I am not an advocate of the use of guns but if the MBU should try to break into your home, you either need a baseball bat or something to scare the crap out of him.
You are doing well considering what you have been going through.

Yeah but make sure he has entered your premises before harming "HIM" that way you can say he broke in and that would be self defense.......shooting him him the driveway would not be......FYI

Hang in there

jonette5 · 12-18-2003, 03:31 PM

All I can offer is (((((((BIG HUGS))))))))) and prayers and good vibes.

Johnsmom · 12-18-2003, 09:37 PM

I hate this for you. I hope you get this mess straightened out and MBU leaves you guys alone in peace.