Is it just me or are all men @ssholes? - Page 3 - Big Big Forums

1busymomma · 03-02-2003, 07:17 PM

Hey guys-

well I've ignored him non-stop since yesterday and he is sweating bullets. I can tell by his messages on my machine. I sent him a very nasty email, he apologized for his behaviour. I was like so what???? If you were SORRY this would not have happened to begin with.

His parents are not to happy with his behaviour as well, and mom is pretty strong headed and is probably going to say something.

She totally sides with me on this though, and dbf does respect her and does listen to her.....so that is a good thing.

As for my sister, well she doesnt even know we are together. My family does not know we are together. Only 2 people and you guys know. This is to protect me from his ex-wife, who is total mental nut job. We have talked to her about boundaries before but my sister only respects that for a while then she is right back at her old ways. I think that once DBF makes it CLEAR to her that we are dating she will back off, as she has mentioned that off hand in a previous conversation when I asked her what she would think if I were dating him (I was already, but wanted to know her reaction) My sister is not stupid just in the dark on this matter which bothers me but until DBF goes back to court on the 12th of march I can't tell anyone anything to protect myself. DBF is going to talk to her about boundaries again this evening.

DBF and I are having a boundaries conversation concerning the gifts business. He will not be purchasing Anything and I mean anything for her at anytime without my knowledge and approval. I told him I COME FIRST!!!! I was totally yelling at him to cause it was like look pal you work part time right now with piss poor economy and you still spend money like you got it!!!! And I was like if you want to spend money like you got it, then spend it on me!!!! I got a brand new vacuum cleaner this morning........

:

As for the zoo, well apparrently my sister paid for everyone going as it was nephews birthday. DBF just wanted to spoil his kids as he barely gets to see them cause of the ex and was not thinking it would bother me.

We obviously still have things to work on.......

No one offended me (((((hugs))))) to everyone! I appreciate your input on the situation.

1busymomma · 03-02-2003, 07:20 PM

Bruiser as for the quotes you need to click on the quote button on that person's post located on the bottom next to edit. It will then take you to a posting mode and you can delete what text you don't want and just use whatever quote you want to leave in there.

03-02-2003, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ckerr4
I agree with some of what Tyt said. Case in point: My best friend (one of them - I have two - yes, I know that technically isn't possible, lol) is a guy. We have known each other since we were ten, and have never been anything other than friends. However, he recently married. I get the feeling that his new wife is a little insecure and not altogether approving, even though she hides it very well. She makes the effort - I'll give her that, and she has never been mean or anything but nice to me. So I have backed off. I let my husband call their house if we want to do something - all of use together (I wouldn't dream of going to the movies or out to eat with just him anymore, even though it never bothered my husband (I know it would bother his wife)). I don't visit him at work anymore unless I really am going up there to shop. I understand that she and their children come first - that's the way it is and should be. It makes me a little sad, but I'm an adult - I can deal with it. And he's still my friend; that hasn't changed, and won't. It simply an adjustment, which is something that most relationships have to make at some point or another. I think that is what the sister/bf relationship in this case needs to do - make an adjustment. It would make things less tense for everyone.

CK that shows extraordinary maturity — and respect for your guy friend. I agree with every single word of your post, especially being sensitive to how controversial it would be to be alone with him on an outing, for example. And you're right — you don't sever the relationship, you severely redefine it. You put boundaries around it that respect everyone's dignity in the final analysis.

One more thing: Time eases the awkwardness. When a very, very dear friend of mine (he had been my roommate for 4 years) got married, I sat down with his new wife and said "I'm going to cut you and Keith a very wide path for awhile, and I want you to know that it is because I so deeply respect him, and I'm so overwhelmingly pleased that he chose you and not (Ellen, his marble statue of a humorless former girlfriend)." She protested vigorously and said "You don't need to Skye! He loves you, and I'm rapidly loving you even more so ~" but I interrupted her and said "Trust me, this is a wise thing. He's been eating my cooking, quoting my bad jokes, and picking up my mannerisms for 4 years — it's proper now that you become his best friend. I'll be here, don't worry I'm not going anywhere and you may be seeing the occasional Male on my arm from time to time."

Never take it for granted.