Family is falling apart(long) - Big Big Forums

peaceluver · 02-27-2003, 10:57 PM

First off last week I decide that DD is not ready to go on to 5th grade. The teacher and I talk about it and decide she needs to have some testing done. I also talk with the teacher about tutoring her. If you notice there is no mention of DH in all of this. Ok one night last week I go to the bathroom and hear my DD crying. I go in to her room and calm her down and find out DH told her he was so mad at her he just wanted to hit her. Strick number one on DH. I let him have it about this also. Then this week I get a killer headache. I am crying for about 2 hours and finally get enough drugs in me to calm me down Just as I am falling off to sleep I hear DH start yelling at DD. It gets so bad the I have to drag myself out of my bed and go rescue my DD. She is standing in the middle of her room listening to yet another lecture about how she cant read and she cant write and he is not going to put up with this anymore. I finally have to yell at him to just get out of her room. If he wanted to help her, then he should have offered to help her with her homework, instead of waiting until her bedtime and just putting her down. Strick number two for DH. I am now just waiting for the other strick to happen. I hate the way DH acts towards me at times and have almost left him many times over this. Now its like he is starting on her. He is a perfectionist even though he is far from perfect himself. He thinks he is the best husband and father on earth. Lately the only time he spends with DD is to make her feel bad. I love my DH but I dont want to have my DD go through a life thinking she is not good enough. Thanks if you made it this far. I just needed to get some of this out.

heartlvrs · 02-27-2003, 11:05 PM

oh gosh ..so sorry..hugs and MANY prayes..and an offer of a ear?(!)

momfromTN · 02-27-2003, 11:07 PM

He is nothing but a dang bully. Shame on him.

midniteblu2 · 02-28-2003, 12:51 AM

I am SPEECHLESS! He yelled at her b/c she is having trouble in school. He yelled at her instead of trying to help her & encourage her!
WHERE IS THAT MAN'S BRAINS???
My youngest son had trouble reading & writing when he was in elementary school. He went to resource room whenever he needed help or just whenever he felt he needed a break from class.
Now he is a Junior in High School & is an Honor Roll student. At home & at school my son received constant praise & positive renforcement. He never heard a word of nagging or negativity.

HUGZ to your DOT & to you as well.

Iluvbears · 02-28-2003, 03:53 AM

sounds like he needs a lesson in parenting or his jaw wired shut.

LitWtch · 02-28-2003, 06:48 AM

I know that this may SOUND bad, but it is definately not intended to be:
Even if you have her evaluated and it shows that she may have some sort of learning disability, his treating her in that manner will never allow her to overcome the obstacles that she is facing. Keep in mind that girls are generally evaluated later than boys because some of the symptoms are often dismissed such as being shy, or forward.
My DD is 15, and just now getting an evaluation done even though she was a straight A student until now. Support your DD, and don't let him put her down.

mom4angels · 02-28-2003, 07:11 AM

(((Peaceluver and DD))) I am truly sorry that your husband is being an incredible jerk to your DD. It is really hard living with a person who thinks that they are perfect. They don't change either because they are already perfect and you are the one who is a fault for everything. Because perfect people Do No Wrong. It will be devastating to your DD if he keeps putting her down. She will never want to get help and she will develop very bad self-esteem problems
if it keeps going. If he treats you the same way, why are you still with this man. There are plenty men out there that will treat you the way you deserve. I hope that I haven't offended you in anyway I just hate to hear when some is being treated like crap by a man. Life is to short for anyone to be treated bad by a man.

lilbugger · 02-28-2003, 07:47 AM

Sorry to hear that your DH is this way. I would not put up with that in my home. Your waiting for another strike??? I think you already have the 3 strikes against him.

HEREs THE FIRST ONE:
First off last week I decide that DD is not ready to go on to 5th grade. The teacher and I talk about it and decide she needs to have some testing done. I also talk with the teacher about tutoring her. If you notice there is no mention of DH in all of this.

HERES # 2

Ok one night last week I go to the bathroom and hear my DD crying. I go in to her room and calm her down and find out DH told her he was so mad at her he just wanted to hit her.

HERES # 3

She is standing in the middle of her room listening to yet another lecture about how she cant read and she cant write and he is not going to put up with this anymore.

(((((((HUGS)))))))) for you and your DD

MommyG3 · 02-28-2003, 10:11 AM

((((((((((((((((((((((peaceluver)))))))))))))))))) ))

peaceluver · 03-01-2003, 11:20 PM

I just wanted to say thanks to all of you that have sent huggs or just taken the time to respond to this. I am right now an emotional wreck. I only want what is best for my DD and right now DH is not what is best for her. I am considering the big D but that has me worried also because DD is so against it. I am not sure if this will help her or hurt her at this point. Just keep my in your prayers and thoughts guys.

1busymomma · 03-02-2003, 01:39 AM

What a tough situation, could you consider seperation until he gets his act together?? In the post you mentioned that he feels that he is the best hubby/dad etc....well not so. Maybe a seperation would be a wake up call. HE needs to get into some counseling and a parenting class. I struggle with my StepDot because her so-called"mom" is always telling her that she can't do it right etc...she has failed kindergarten 2x's and struggles with even trying because she knows mom will tell her not to bother etc....
Stepdot won't even attempt things for fear of being told she is not good enough in some fashion. Please consider this for your DOT. Fighting with your hubby is not good for her either and will effect her school work as well. (((((peaceluveranddot)))