today has been terrible - Big Big Forums

irrelevant0 · 02-19-2003, 08:04 PM

warning - kind of long.

i have been feeling like crap lately, even with the meds i've started taking. i was on meds about 4 years ago, quit without telling my doctor after a few months, and swore i'd never go back on them. a few weeks ago i gave up and went to the doctor, like i said near the beginning of this. these new meds helped so much at first, but now it seems i'm going back to where i was before i started taking them, and it just keeps getting worse. i had a wreck saturday. my back and neck are still bothering me. both my knees are bruised, and they are starting to ache as well. my whole body feels achey and bruised, everything hurts, especially if touched, but i don't know if that's from the wreck, or if i'm just having weird aches. a friend i talk to on-line, i'm having problems with him. first thing this morning. my friends here, i see them at school and that's it, except for one i sometimes 'hang out' with or talk to on the phone. we've been out of school all week due to snow and ice, so i haven't seen or spoken to anyone since friday. as i said to someone earlier, i wish the friends i've made on-line lived here, or me there. i know i should go out with my other friends, do more stuff, but it's hard for me to be around people, and i don't really enjoy talking out loud. i'm so much more comfortable talking on-line where i don't have to speak, or worry about how i look. i always feel i look like absolute sh!t, no matter what clothes i wear or how i do my make-up & hair. and i'm always so tired. if it's not my turn for the computer, i'm sleeping. nothing interests me anymore. if one of the friends i'm closer to isn't on-line, i usually go back to bed. and i have no appetite. i've lost 3 or 4 pounds this week alone. when i force myself to eat something, i feel extremely sick. i've been wanting to cry so badly the past week or so, but i don't want to give in. i don't know how long i can keep it up though. this may sound stupid, but i haven't been going near sharp objects. i'm a "cutter" ... but i haven't done it in a few months, and i don't want to start back. i'm scared i'll hurt myself badly, or worse, because i've been thinking about death a lot lately. what scares me the most is the fact that i have my suicide planned out. what to do with my stuff, money, how i'd do it, everything. i don't want to die, but at the same time i do, and i feel like if i ever get to the point where i somehow get brave enough, i won't be able to stop myself. and today, anything and everything has been bothering me. i just don't know what to do anymore, i've tried everything i can think of.

if anyone has read this far, thanks for listening...

tina z · 02-19-2003, 08:14 PM

Quote:

what scares me the most is the fact that i have my suicide planned out. what to do with my stuff, money, how i'd do it, everything. i don't want to die, but at the same time i do, and i feel like if i ever get to the point where i somehow get brave enough, i won't be able to stop myself. and today, anything and everything has been bothering me. i just don't know what to do anymore, i've tried everything i can think of. if anyone has read this far, thanks for listening...

Please call 911 or get yourself to the hospital right away. You are in more danger than you realize if you have your suicide planned out. PLEASE tell your doc tonight! We care about you! PM me if you like. ((((((hugs)))))))

Lora_1994 · 02-19-2003, 08:21 PM

im with tina ... you need to go to your doc and if he's not in, go to the ER .. they can get you the help your needing or get somone in there to talk to you. I know, I've been through it with my son.

If you need to talk for ANY reason, please dont hesitate to e-mail me. my addy is

lora_1994@yahoo.com

wubbywa · 02-19-2003, 08:42 PM

Dont think bad of yourself for getting help you need it NOW so please take the advise that has been given and go to ER or call your doctor. There really is a bright side to life.

schsa · 02-19-2003, 10:06 PM

Cutting is common. Probably more common than you think. If you are feeling that bad, having suicidal thoughts, go to the ER as soon as possible. Your meds are not working and you need to be speaking to someone asap. I know someone else in your position. A few days ago she had her mother sleep with her because she was afraid that she would cut (the last time she almost bled to death) or OD on some pills. She scares the crap out of her family and me because I am always afraid that some day she won't have someone there to help her through.

Call someone. If you have a local suicide help line call there. And get someone's attention. You won't make it if you don't want to live and make someone take notice of you. I suffer from sever depression. I know that if I had not made my doctor and several others know that I needed help right then, I would not be here today.

And update us. I want to know if you are alright. Or you can write to me at psimer0@lycos.com

I will be here for you.

ladybreaker · 02-19-2003, 10:46 PM

the world would NOT be better without you in it!! please get some help!!trust me when i say--people don't want your stuff--they want you!!!

Peri · 02-19-2003, 10:47 PM

Hi hon... is it okay if I ask where in Ky you are? I understand how you feel. I'm not a cutter, but I do know what it is and the underlying reasons. I've suffered from Major Clinical Depression most of my adult life, been on and off meds. I would really like to talk to you, hon. Please email me here or, even better, if you'd consider it, send me your number so I can phone you. I'm up late every night, insomnia, and I could call you any time. But please email me. ~hugging you tight~

jalex · 02-20-2003, 04:11 AM

I know how it feels when the meds seem to stop working. Its a matter of fact I just started again on new meds and after a couple of weeks I was where I started before taking meds. I went back to the hospital and now I am back on Effexor. I promised myself never to take Effexor again, but I rather feel better than keeping this promise.
To me it sounds like you need an adjustment of your medication. RIGHT NOW!!!
I wish you ALL the strengh you need to get better. You can be helped!
Please reply to any of these posts so we know you are OK!!!

MommyG3 · 02-20-2003, 12:20 PM

(((((((((((((irrelevant0)))))))))))))))

***mommyg3 in the background cheering for irrelevant0 to call the er***

irrelevant0 · 02-20-2003, 08:26 PM

thanks everyone. i am feeling a little better today, and i think i have things worked out with my friend. i am sick though. i missed school today, and i might have to miss tomorrow as well if i don't get better. hopefully it is just a virus. i really appriciate everyone's replies, it's nice to know there are still people who care.

Lora_1994 · 02-20-2003, 10:46 PM

where at in Kentucky are you??