I am so heartbroken, ever heard of

**hblueeyes** · 05-09-2010, 11:12 PM

2 separate wedding showers? My son is getting married in October. His Aunt and I offered to throw them a "wedding shower". He called it that because it is his wedding too. And both men and woman will be invited. Tonight I found out that the brides mom is throwing a shower for her daughter,the bride, which will only include her friends and family. I have never heard of such a thing. Granted they live 3 hours away but we were willing to have it at the halway point. The mom is holding it 20 minutes from us, so distance is not the reason. Aunt contacted the brides mom and said we understand she just lost her job but will include their list of invites with ours and we will pay the whole thing. She said no. And this is the kicker, I was NOT originally invited. But I can come if I want. WTF! I am now questioning this marriage. This woman goes on vacation with my son and her daughter. She seems to be up their butts. I thought well, it was just the grandma, mom and daughter, then the grandma died so mom is alone. I extended the Thanksgiving and Christmas invite to include the mom. I barely see or talk to my son anymore and we talked about 2 times a week before the engagement. They come to town and spend all their time with her mom. My son will come by but after an hour she starts texting him. I just figured he was busy with work, school and wedding plans. Now I am not so sure and I have reservations about this wedding.

I am so heartbroken.

Me

**Advertisement** · 05-09-2010 11:12 PM

***DAVESBABYDOLL*** · 05-10-2010, 01:52 AM

A saying I once heard...

My son is my son till he gets a wife, my daughter's my daughter all her life.

**DonnaWV** · 05-10-2010, 03:10 AM

hblueeyes, I have been where you are. My Son didn't get married, but moved in with his girlfriend. It will only get worse, sorry to say that, but it did with my Son. He would not answer the phone, only came when he needed to use the garage, and I was NOT allowed to go to their house. It didn't last a year with them, but now there is a Child and we have been in court to fight for my Son's rights. I hope things work our for you and your Son. Try to have a talk with him. Good luck

**krisharry** · 05-10-2010, 11:22 AM

Hugs to you. IME, it is more common for the bride's family/friends to throw the wedding shower. However, incredibly rude of them not to include you and your son's family/friends.

The best advice I can offer is to just go with it. The more you interfere in their decisions or get upset, the worse it will make it. Do not do anything that may ruin your relationship with your son.

More hugs to you bec. I can only imagine the hurt in your heart right now.

**Kelsey1224** · 05-10-2010, 11:32 AM

My daughter had 3 showers and I was invited to two of them. (The third was a given at her work.) Our son and daughter had 5 showers!!! Yep...five of them. Each one was given by a different 'circle' in their life. Again, I was invited to two of them. The younger women gave her a 'personal items' shower which was kind of racey...LOL. Their church had a shower as did her work. I didn't go to those either, but didn't mind at all.

Family showers are not typically given by the mother of the groom or bride, but I was definitely included. While it would have been proper for you to be invited to this other shower, I don't think the shower is an issue.

Your son spending all his free time with his fiance's family...now that could be an issue. But, there is not much you can do about it.

Yep...it sounds like you are losing a son and I totally sympathize. I've been fortunate. We were already friends with our DIL's family so we just all get together and no one is left out.

But, as for multiple showers...absolutely. It happens all the time.

***DAVESBABYDOLL*** · 05-10-2010, 12:39 PM

Three and five showers ??? I know "different circles" but damn, 2 maybe with each side of the family. Just seems like over kill to me... I would of been bored stupid after the first one lol. JMO Bet they made out like theives in the night.

**SLance68** · 05-10-2010, 12:41 PM

It is not uncommon to have more than one bridal/wedding shower for a couple. Now it is tacky for the brides mother to throw the shower it should be her maid of honor throwing the shower for her.

**cabby92** · 05-10-2010, 12:51 PM

What Kelsey and Lance said. Multiple showers are common and the rule is that it's given by friends or distant relatives.

Honestly, it takes a while to adjust to these new situations. If I let myself I could be hurt by my son and DIL but I choose to enjoy the time I get with them. Her family is closer and I sometimes feel like I have to remind them we exist, but I'd rather do that and see them and the kids than sit around mad and create a rift we could never recover from.

My mom felt slighted at the wedding/reception and it ruined the day for her. It also colored her relationship with my DIL. I just enjoyed the free food and ducked out as soon as I could. It's been 15 years now we get along OK as long as I just go with the flow.

**gmyers** · 05-10-2010, 02:24 PM

I'm sorry you're going through what you are with your son. I hope he realizes that family is as important as the person he marries and I hope she isn't a possessive person. My brother married one and we hardly ever see him. Recently he told her how much more did she want from him, he gave up his family for her. I think he regrets it now.

**Kelsey1224** · 05-10-2010, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by DAVESBABYDOLL

Three and five showers ??? I know "different circles" but damn, 2 maybe with each side of the family. Just seems like over kill to me... I would of been bored stupid after the first one lol. JMO Bet they made out like theives in the night.

My son and daughter-in-law did make out like bandits...LOL! Plus, they had over 400 guests at their wedding. They are the only couple I have ever known who got EVERY item on their registry...to include multiples of all items of china, silver, stemware, plus regular dishes, etc.

You have to understand their 'circles'. Our daughter hosted a 'couple's shower'...and they got tools and kitchen gadgets at that one. There was a family and family friends shower (all the older ladies, etc.) Shelly works at a school...so they threw a shower for her. My son is the music director at a church...so one Sunday morning, all the Sunday school classes threw them a shower with each class giving 'themed' gifts. (My favorite was the older, widowed ladies gave them a card with their favorite recipe, plus ingredients.)

And, lastly...all her attendents gave her a 'personal' shower when she got nighties, sexy bra/panty sets, etc. So...that's five showers!

With my daughter...it was family, work, and a 'personal' shower.

It is not uncommon to have more than one bridal/wedding shower for a couple. Now it is tacky for the brides mother to throw the shower it should be her maid of honor throwing the shower for her.

I agree with you on that...however, the last time I posted something like that I was blasted! I guess it is a bit of etiquete which seems to have gone by the wayside.

**dinosmom** · 05-10-2010, 04:28 PM

HUGS to you! Here, its commonplace to have multiple showers and not everyone is invited to all of them-including parents and close relatives. Like the brides parents might have one for their side of the family, grooms family has one and then friends. Usually its because not everyone live close.

And in regards to the brides mother hosting the shower....thats common here too. In fact, my Mom and my DH's (now ex) Mom both co hosted a shower for us when we got married....of course the marriage didnt last very long! LOL

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