Thread: how do you know when your marriage is over?

i havent been happy for years. everytime i do something i feel good about i talk to my husband and i always feel like crying afterwards.

right now i am holding back the tears because he went off on me giving the interview to the newspaper about how i save money on gasoline and how i use gasbuddy.com.

• how i dont have decorum
  how i dont think
  how i have to be in the spotlight

i cant get a job if i leave him. i have no experience. i have 2 kids with him and both have problems...

after he talks to me i feel the same way i did with my parents when they put mme down... i was never tall enough for them, i talked to much, my grades were poor, they never said that they weree proud of me.
ive worked hard to put my life on hold for him and the kids. i moved to long island so he could get a job. i put in 6 years out here away from family so that he could make it to vice president.
i dont want to sound like poor little rich girl...
i have no where to go.. and he knows it.. i have nothing. we have no house. the cars are in his name. stocks are in his name. everything is in his name. because i trust him.

we have lived in an apartment for six years because he always found other reasons for us not to buy a house...house prices etc...
my belongings have been in storage for 6 years because he has the final call on if we get a house etc...

i feel like i a prisoner. i have told him and begged him to go to councelling. i want to try to save us. he refuses...

i havent been able to cry for the last 4 years.. i just cant
now i am finally crying and i cant do it and let the kids see me...


i have told him i want a divorce several times.. he blows it off treats me nice for a day and then moves on to his old ways..

i finally make it to being PTA president and now he wants to move back to NJ... i feel like he wants to hurt me on purpose..he told me that i was being selfish and not thinking of my kids.. etc.. maybe hes right..

i dont want to be an emmbarresement to him but he says i am...
i have been drinking.. i admit it.. now.. you ar e the only people who know..
when he says these things i just want to crawl up with a bottle and die.


i am such a lier.. no one outsid here knows. not my parents not anyone. not him.

he doesnt cheat on me.. he doesnt look at other women.

i just want the courage to walk out. i dont have it.

is there anthing left of my marriage?i still dont want to quit.


i m just tired. so tired.

Originally Posted by sahmsfreeb

i havent been happy for years. everytime i do something i feel good about i talk to my husband and i always feel like crying afterwards.

right now i am holding back the tears because he went off on me giving the interview to the newspaper about how i save money on gasoline and how i use gasbuddy.com.

• how i dont have decorum
  how i dont think
  how i have to be in the spotlight

i cant get a job if i leave him. i have no experience. i have 2 kids with him and both have problems...

after he talks to me i feel the same way i did with my parents when they put mme down... i was never tall enough for them, i talked to much, my grades were poor, they never said that they weree proud of me.
ive worked hard to put my life on hold for him and the kids. i moved to long island so he could get a job. i put in 6 years out here away from family so that he could make it to vice president.
i dont want to sound like poor little rich girl...
i have no where to go.. and he knows it.. i have nothing. we have no house. the cars are in his name. stocks are in his name. everything is in his name. because i trust him.

we have lived in an apartment for six years because he always found other reasons for us not to buy a house...house prices etc...
my belongings have been in storage for 6 years because he has the final call on if we get a house etc...

i feel like i a prisoner. i have told him and begged him to go to councelling. i want to try to save us. he refuses...

i havent been able to cry for the last 4 years.. i just cant
now i am finally crying and i cant do it and let the kids see me...


i have told him i want a divorce several times.. he blows it off treats me nice for a day and then moves on to his old ways..

i finally make it to being PTA president and now he wants to move back to NJ... i feel like he wants to hurt me on purpose..he told me that i was being selfish and not thinking of my kids.. etc.. maybe hes right..

i dont want to be an emmbarresement to him but he says i am...
i have been drinking.. i admit it.. now.. you ar e the only people who know..
when he says these things i just want to crawl up with a bottle and die.


i am such a lier.. no one outsid here knows. not my parents not anyone. not him.

he doesnt cheat on me.. he doesnt look at other women.

i just want the courage to walk out. i dont have it.

is there anthing left of my marriage?i still dont want to quit.


i m just tired. so tired.

When its over, you'll know and there isn't anything that anyone here can say to make it any eaiser I am sorry that you haven't been happy.. that would be a good indicator, but I also think that you are a good woman to try to make things work, but you shouldn't have to work so hard to make it a good marriage. Is he trying to make things work as well? Maybe you could try counseling?

It'd be really easy for me to sit here and tell you that you should leave because NO ONE deserves to be put down like that, but its much more easy for me to say it than it is for you to actually do it.

I think that even if you can't go to marriage counseling, you should get some for yourself. You drinking to escape like that will turn bad REAL quick. I don't conmemn you for it, but you should definately look into getting yourself some help. If he dosen't like it, TOUGH! You need to be able to love and respect yourself before you can begin to love and respect others.

I hope things work for you, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers (((HUGS)))

Hon, I am going to send you my AIM name. Talk to me, will you?

Go to a doctor, consider antidepressants. Go get heIp for seIf esteem probIems. You are in no state at this time to be considering divorce. You need to get yourseIf up and feeIing good about yourseIf before you even consider divorce.

first step is STOP DRINKING!

You'll be able to think more clearly trust me

((hugs))

I know where you are coming from. No job skills, no income of your own and noone to talk to. Been there done that. Not the best stage of my life I can tell you. First off stop the booze. Not good for you and might make you think of ending everything. Booze has a way of clouding the issues together. Drugs do also. I guess next and most important is ask God for help. He will direct you every step of the way if you just believe in him. My hubby was a control freak. I couldn't breath without permisssion. If he got mad at me he broke my stuff. I couldn't go anywhere without his okay. I finally got to the end of my rope and thats when I put it in Gods hands. He gave me direction and strength. I started working for a temp service first then stepped into another job from there. He hated me working at first but then he changed. God answered my prayers and mellowed him out. He became kinder and more gentle.He gave up drugs and all his so called friends left him. He found better friends who helped him change even more.We are getting ready to have our 36th anniversary and I have never been happier. If I would of left him I would of missed so much now. Leave it in Gods hands and be patient he will answer.

Get help for YOU first! See a Dr. Do what you need to do for YOU. Then consider all your options and if you still feel that your marriage is over, get out of it. You WILL be able to get by, someway.

I agree with the others - think of yourself first for once and get help. The other issues can be dealt with a bit later, when your head is clear and straight. IF you feel you have to leave, then do what is best for you and your kids.

Originally Posted by buglebe

Go to a doctor, consider antidepressants. Go get heIp for seIf esteem probIems. You are in no state at this time to be considering divorce. You need to get yourseIf up and feeIing good about yourseIf before you even consider divorce.

I disagree with this. Drugs are not always the answer...sounds to me like DH is. Of course, Noone can tell you the right thing to do or when to call it quits, but you sound like you are harming yourself by staying in this relationship.

Hugs to you and your children......but staying together for the sake of them is not always the answer.

OMG, First, ((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) )))))). You need to stop drinking, you can't think straight, you can't see how to fix your problems, and drinking only makes you madder and want to fight, and drinking only makes things worse. Second, Congratulations, for making PTA President. Third, seek help for you first, cause once you feel that you can weather, the storm your DH is putting you through, you can stand your ground and tell him what needs to be done for your family. Fourth, get a job, once you get a job you will have the feeling of independence and empowerment. even if you move to wherever your DH wants to move to, still do these things for you, so yo can boost your self esteem and your feeling of self worth. Good Luck in all that you do. Praying for you.

prayers for you to find hope and just take it all to God.....I will be praying for your family
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))