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    catdance's Avatar
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    My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    and he went in his boxers, no clothing at all..to boot, he hit me so hard, I fell on the floor, the cop had no problems arresting him, he said he did it, and would again.. and he has to stay til Tuesday after court, today of course, non working Goverment, do I leave the door open for him? Becaue he has to come home, if only to pack.. I gotta to go to work, I just got the "dream job".. with raises.. I have a bruise on my cheekbone..I gotta pack, was leaving without him, Oct..something, he has my end of the rent in his checking..I am terrified..he is gonna KILL me, he is the kind of guy, nice to everyone, and as soon as he gets with me, it HIT'S the FAN..like ROAD RAGE, always, he is like that..what can I do??
    I am smart, but this was like.."you can't hit me that hard"...and now I think, "you can't hit me ever, and be mean verbally, or use me anymore"..and he is sitting in jail, and we have friends down there who work there, and it will get around, if it already hasn't..I have to stay here, til I get a place, I can't get anyone on the phone, to even look at places, I own a household of furniture, too much, I am scared!!!! I had this planned to get out of here after Oct. 1, pay my end and get out, without him, I am so scared..
    I am shocked by all of this, he uses pot, so he can't pass a "P" test, and he is supposed to go "over the road", get a new job..which is why I agreeded to stay longer, so he could get clean urine, he can't find anyones to use for this, (how wrong is that?? at 41??) I should have seen this....do I call his work and tell them he won't be in Tuesday and try to "smooth" this over?, just for a few weeks..I am the type, here is really me, who goes shopping for food, and get's nothing for me..
    I am in trouble, in spades..I was angry with him, now scared, of him..I told him to leave the house, after I called 9-11 and he said.."no way, you are going to jail", and why..because he ate my food I got and paid for at a Chinese place, it was mine, not his..and he went NUT'S..
    and the "kicker"..not only did he go to jail in his boxer's, and that is all he had on, because he admitted to hitting me, he got cuffed, he also let me paint his toenail's, last week, in purple as I was putting that on mine..
    I wonder if this is funny..
    I had to vent, my "sweetcheeck's" is offline..and I had to just tell..
    and I admit to being frightened, because I am..he I am sure an avid smoker in jail with none, and this guy acts, street-smart, he isn't, those boys, in the joint will tear him apart if only for toenails..I swear I was right to put him in jail, I told him to leave, and he refused..and now..this, what will start the, "AFTERMATH", and I am scared of this..
    Last edited by catdance; 09-06-2004 at 10:31 AM. Reason: typo

    At last....my love has come around..

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    buttrfli's Avatar
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    Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    And you should be afraid! I realize you have to go to work, but I would use every spare second I had putting his stuff in bags and putting them out the door and having the locks changed!

    I am so sorry he hit you... did you get a TRO against him? I know in some states they are automatic when someone has been arrested for domestic violence, but not all states do that.

    You have every right to stay where you are... get him O U T! Call your landlord TODAY and have the locks changed... if they can't do it, call a locksmith - in my state (OK) the police will actually call a locksmith in these situations and they are changed for free... I'd ask if it applies where you are. If you lived closer, I'd come help you pack his crap.

    ....

    as serious as this all is... I have to say that its SO funny about his toenails LOL

    Good luck to you!! I wish I could help out more, but first and foremost BE SAFE!! Your furniture is not as important as your life.... trust me, I lived it.
    Don't make me get out my flying monkeys.


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    Angel Lips's Avatar
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    Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    I am soo sorry he did that to you. Glad hes behide bars and he should stay there too. Your so much better off without him. Maybe you should consider getting a restraining order put against him, and if he steps so many feet towards you his butt gets hauled back to jail.

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    Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    Get out NOW!
    Lisa, as a BTDT i can tell you not to stress over the material things and get out now with your life.......seriously!
    If you think and feel he is going to retailiate then your are probably right..you know him better than any of us.
    GET OUT~GET SAFE~ until your place opens up Oct 1st

    Good luck
    I finally found the one man not like all the rest!

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    Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    First can I kill the jerk, Second, get a TPO/TRO agaist him, they work if you use them. Change the locks, notify the landlord of the abuse, and go to a shelter. Been there, done that. You'll be ok.
    Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved.

    *Waves to her hubby DeathRaven*

    Mommy to Tomislav Nicholas and Katarina Jagoda born Feb 12th 2004 weighing in at 6lbs 3 oz and 5lbs 3 oz respectively. It's a boy and a girl!
    Victoria Rose: Mommy ate the babies!

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    Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    You need to go and get an emergency order of protection that will prevent him from coming back to the house with out an escort. Then when the courts open from the holiday, you can get a permanent order.
    ~*Masquerading as a NORMAL person, day after day, is EXHAUSTING!*~

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    catdance's Avatar
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    Arrow Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    WOW!! BBS, you guys so rock..thing is this, he has the rent in his account, I warned him, to leave, then, just me and the cops, and that took awhile, but my face, they saw, he admitted to it and would do this again, but we live here, I get so wishy-washy, on this, I am serious, but think if you had a home, like me full of furniture and crap, I have been packing, but the dishes, stunk, I left, for 2 days to my sisters..and it reeks.. so much..I had to start there..my "MOM", shoot, she is old and my sister freaked out last week, I dunno..I refuse to give up my job..will never happen, waited too long for this..and this put's me as far as moving right back to my neighborhood.. if I write the check and fake sign it..what then, I think a "bad".. I refuse to go to court, if I do, I might lose my job..but my face, tell's me I should..the Landlord has been unavailable, he is on his way back from "UP NORTH"..he has no keys, just his boxer's and toenail's...ok, this isn't that funny, but the POLICE have to give him clothes to get home, reminds me of "TRADING PLACES", serious, after they saw my face, he got no way back in..I tried to give sweatpants..Cop did say.."NO< I SEE HE HIT YOU..he get's nothing"..
    Retalation..he is gonna..

    At last....my love has come around..

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    andreame70's Avatar
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    Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    Catdance, if your name is not on that account, DO NOT write that check. Do you want to be sitting in a jail cell beside him? Come on now, it is time for you to start thinking smart and find the legal avenues to get you through this. Everyone has already given you good advice, like changing the locks and getting the restraining order. Call and ask about whether or not there is a group available that can help you with the locks being changed. Don't make things worse on yourself by forging his name to a check from an account that you are not listed on.

    (((Huggs)))

    Andrea

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    Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    OK...i know you're scared and have every right to be. right now you're second-guessing every move you make...should I ?...shouldn't I? what can i do to make him not hit me when he gets out ? if i do this...then maybe that...but if i don't do that then maybe this ?
    sound familiar?...anyway, and you know this better than anyone of us here...no matter what you do/don't do...he will do what he wants cause he doesn't need a reason. he is sick in one of the most cruelest ways possible...dehumanizing women to feel powerful. just pull yourself together and start making phone calls.
    1] to the local police station that picked him up. ask to speak to someone who deals with domestc abuse. tell them your concerns. they are better equipped to handle him than any of your friends and perhaps, as they have seen this time & time again may be better able to guide you in making the best decision for you he is not your concern.
    2] here is a url with a list of agencies/hotlines in MN, many of them 24/7. i don't konw which ones are still active but keep dialing till you get someone on the line. again, they're used to advising you of options available to women in your situation.
    http://www.sboard.org/SHELTERS/MN.HTM
    3] you can't do it alone cause you're upset/confused/scared. you need solid advise from people who've been there/done that.
    4] if you need to go to a shelter to get your life back together then do it. you said you have a dream job waiting...well...don't mess it up. you can always get new furniture if you have to. just pack your work clothes and get out if they aren't going to keep him in jail for awhile.
    5] hope you have caller id...if not..and you hear a voice saying "you have a collect call from...." just hang up. don't even wait for the voice to finish. you don't want to talk to him and get intimidated more. you need a clear head and he'd only be messing around with it.

    good luck. i wish you strength to do what you gotta do for yourself.
    Last edited by kama5207; 09-06-2004 at 11:30 AM. Reason: forgot something in the message

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    Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    If your name is on the lease, then tell the landlord that he is out and you are going to take over everything yourself. Have the locks changed and when he comes back, call the police so that your BF can get his stuff and get out.

    Secondly, if you have no choice but to leave, go rent a storage unit and a truck. Put as much in there as you can and come back for the rest. Take the things that are most important to you. Sometime you have to give things up. Your BF will not destroy the bed he sleeps in or the couch he sits on. Your dishes and smaller things are easier to destroy. Take pictures off the wall, computers and anything that he can pawn for money. Let your landlord know what is going on.

    Call a local women's shelter and see if they can assist in any way. If you need some cash to get through, they might be able to help you out. The reality is that things can be replaced but your life can't. Get a restraining order. Get a new phone number for your cell phone. And get out before he comes home and decides that bruising your face isn't enough. That he would rather beat you until you are dead.
    I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.

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    Re: My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

    Catdance, everyone here has made some great suggestions but you're the only one who has control of your life. Please be careful and keep in mind that your focus is on yourself. It sounds like you're still concerned about him and that's only natural - after all, you've been living together and depended on each other. I can understand your being wishy-washy. It's hard to make changes when you don't know what the future holds. And like Kama5207 said, he is sick and probably grew up believing that it's okay to control other people, especially women and those he deems weaker. But it's not your responsibility to change or help him. He's 41, he will find a way to take care of himself, however that may be. Worry only about yourself and your own safety. He has no right to hit you or be abusive (whether physically, emotional or verbally) in any way.

    Here is another link to a site with resources for battered women in Minnesota: http://www.mcbw.org/resources.htm

    And congratulations on your dream job! More power to you!

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