I am just sitting here keeping it together with a very fine thread - Big Big Forums

Unicornmom77 · 05-19-2009, 12:10 PM

The tears just keep falling, I am so exhausted and I just want to give up, my husband is in ICU he took thirty some zanax (SP) over a three day period and has landed himself in the hospital. I am so angry, I just want all of this stuff to be over with, thirteen years and this **** it still happening... I just want him gone, I cannot go through this again, I can't make it.

I feel so alone and so betrayed, how could he do this to his kids? to his wife? he could have cost me my daycare license and then we would end up homeless again, I guess its what he wants. I have carried this family from crap to where we are now, he has not had hardly one hand in it, I am sick if it...

Anyway I am mad and crying please pray my family will recover, God's will be done, because Lord knows I have no idea what to do now...

Update

Well it went from bad to worse, they let him out of the hospital today without being mentally evaluated and he came home and could not understand why I was angry with him, I told him how I felt and he threw a huge fit, he threw the laptop into the flat screen and now I have a 42 in piece of trash hanging on my wall!!! He also threw my desktop monitor off the desk and so I have no idea if it even works, the laptop is surprisingly ok...

Well I called the police and he went to jail. His mother of course bailed him out. But since it is considered domestic violence its automatic that he cannot come back here until after we go to court. Well its over, I am getting a legal aide application and doing what I should have done years ago. I am filing for divorce,

I am pretty much numb right now, I have not let the tears come, I cant I REFUSE to let this ruin my kids lives. I will remain strong and deal with it. One of the teenager cousins was talking to me tonight and he said "how will you afford all the bills alone? Oh wait you all ready do" Yeah he has not worked since I dunno when... its just going to be hard to do all the work alone. The cleaning and upkeep alone will keep me busy from sun up top sun down. I am gonna just do my damnest and do it, I know I can.

My body hurts, I am so tired, the kids are doing good, it wont really sink in for a few days, since they have been through us separating before. But I know this is final, unless I give up my daycare, because if he is charged with a violent crime I can never operate with him here. I will not let my kids go through living in crap again so its not really my choice, he made it for me. That is just how I have to see it. Anyway I am going to go kiss my kids goodnight and say my prayers and try and rest for another day.

Thank you for all the prayers and PM's It always amazes me the support I can pull from all of you, it means the world to me, hell it may just be what keeps my head above water.

I wanted to add, yes there were daycare kids here when this happened, unfortunately, but everyone knows what happened and they are supportive and none of the kids were in the room where this happened, we had laid them all down for naps at the time.

maranatha4 · 05-19-2009, 12:24 PM

I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I will be praying for you and your family.

4diego · 05-19-2009, 12:24 PM

Your in my thoughts & prayers.

pepperpot · 05-19-2009, 12:25 PM

Hang in there.....I could only imagine how difficult it is, but hang on.....you are not alone....

YankeeMary · 05-19-2009, 12:28 PM

Wendy, I am so sorry. I know that you have had so many problems over the years but you always bounce back. This time is no different!!! By the Grace of God...never forget, never give up. I am here if you need me. HUGS!!!

cabby92 · 05-19-2009, 01:09 PM

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope you get the strength to do what you need to do for you. If he's hurting you and the kids then just do what you need and forget about him.