How do you help someone who hasn't asked for it?

***buttrfli*** · 03-07-2010, 03:08 PM

My daughter has a friend who is being raised by her dad and he (like a lot of us) has money issues. I don't want to bore you with lots of details, but the long and short of it is that this little girl only has one pair of pants and only a couple of shirts. I noticed today that the seat of her pants has been sewn up a few different times and they are just about wore out.

I have at LEAST 5 bags of clothes that my kids don't wear that I was going to donate to our church, but I know the majority of them will fit this little girl. I want to give them to her, but I don't want to make the dad feel bad or uncomfortable.

I really don't know the dad well enough to call him up and say "hey, do you want these clothes for your kid?"

Any thoughts?

I thought about calling the school counselor, but I have issues with her (the counselor) and not sure how helpful she would be.

**Advertisement** · 03-07-2010 03:08 PM

***3lilpigs*** · 03-07-2010, 03:42 PM

Can you hint to your daughter to give them to her? That way they would come from the girls ''friend'', and not another parent. Kids give their friends clothes all the time when they outgrow them. (At least, we did when we were younger).

I think it would be less suspicious to the dad, if they came from your daughter.

**whatever** · 03-07-2010, 03:55 PM

If she comes over to play with your daughter I would tell him that you were going thru a bunch of clothes and thought if his daughter could wear them (or want them ) it would be great. It would get them off my hands and it would be fun for her to go thru some clothes she might want as well.

**Heidi** · 03-07-2010, 04:30 PM

If you feel uncomfortable about it, that will make them feel uncomfortable about it. I've done the same thing several times. I just confidently go up to them and say "hey, I went through McKenzie's closet and have tons of her clothes she's outgrown. Would you want to look through them for Alexis before I donate them." I think the prices Goodwill or Value Village charges for somebody else's stuff is crazy, so I'd rather give them to someone I know will use them than donate.

**dinosmom** · 03-07-2010, 04:31 PM

I would just give them to her...or if she is younger, just bring them over to her house and tell the Dad that you were cleaning out the closets etc. I doubt he will feel bad and will most likely be really appreciative of them!!! I know with my DS's friends, there are a few families that are struggling (and even if they are not), I always offer up the clothes to them when we go thru them. I havent had anyone be embarassed or unappreicative!!!!

**gmyers** · 03-07-2010, 04:36 PM

I'd do the going through the clothes thing too. You can tell him you needed the closet space and didn't want to have a garage sale or something like that or your daughter had out grown them .. Deep down he will be greatful. If he's sewn her pants that much he's probably worried about it. Or I'd say leave them on his porch at night but that might offend him thinking the neighbors thought he was poor. But the way things are with the economy I believe he and she will be tickled pink. She's probably embarassed wearing the same clothes all the time. I don't think I'd go through the school though that might embarrass him and her.

***buttrfli*** · 03-07-2010, 04:43 PM

Thanks guys.

DH also suggested "going through the clothes" as well. She doesn't come over very often, but maybe we can invite her over next weekend to play.

**nightrider127** · 03-07-2010, 04:44 PM

I would get him to think that he was doing me a favor. Really, he would be doing you a favor because it would help you to stop worrying about the little girl.

**Anniston** · 03-07-2010, 05:07 PM

I would just say that you went through the closet and tried to think of somone who could use them, and finally thought of his daughter. I have four women who give my son clothes, and we are fine financially. They just have older boys, so they know I can use them.

**justme23** · 03-07-2010, 05:31 PM

You could tell him you were collecting for a "group" garage sale and he can have first dig... if you make it a group effort then maybe he won't feel as bad about taking them cause he contributed?

**cabby92** · 03-07-2010, 05:36 PM

I've always traded clothes with friends and neighbors. I'd just briefly explain that to him and let him know I am lacking a girl his daughter's size, is he interested?

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