Finding out your friend is a level 3 sex offender... (long) - Page 3 - Big Big Forums

msmom79 · 11-03-2009, 10:48 AM

do you guys know-i mean actually know how many children,and children that are now adults.have been molested? i am sure i cant count how many,i just know i'm one out of alot,and i'm sure there is more right here,who,have been touched,kissed and you know the rest. can you say for a fact,that your child was not touched by this man,and he said to your child,oh i';m sorry like it was an accident---please please dont take that chance!!!!!
look up your area for child molesters,i am sure you have alot of them in your area,that you dont even know about
pure and simple-protect your children-no other way to go then to say all ties severed

WendyLou75 · 11-03-2009, 07:12 PM

I like this guy even less now that I know he actually spent the night at your home, with your children, BEFORE admitting to this... now my mind is running wild with what he may of potentially "accidently" did to your kids.
Lord I hope I'm wrong but I'd so be talking to these kids one on one... making sure there was no accidental anything.

msmom79 · 11-03-2009, 07:26 PM

i hope you guys dont get mad at me-but i cannot express to all of you enough-hard enough-loud enough-to never ,ever let your babies be around anyone who is a known molester-or rapist-i cant explain the hurt and the pain it has caused in my life-i have memories that still kill me to this day! i cry,when i see babies hurt,and young ladies and young men too-yes ladies and gents-woman do this crap too-keep your babies as close to you as possible,cause sometimes even our friends are perv's.

diana_circe · 11-04-2009, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fleabones3

Yes I see what everyone is saying. My point was, the DH and the friend dont have to totally stop being friends. Maybe the DH can go to the friends house instead of vice versa.
I do like to see the good in people, and anybody can change. My DH 's ex wife spent years being a druggie. Now that the kids are grown, she has changed. She now lives with my stepdaughter and is helping take care of the grandkids ( stepdaughter is preg with baby #4) and is trying to make up for not being there. I know thats not the same as child molestation. And of course priority #1 is your children. And of course its your decision.. I just think maybe with the right circumstances, and your kids either not around him...and of course letting the kids know that the friends is a molester..

Then again.. its easier for me to speak not being in Diana's position...
I wish you luck and damn, that would suck to find out if it was one of my friends.

I don't know that I was actually looking for advise, but sharing an extremely troubling situation for us someplace I knew I could share.

for the record, dh knows there is no way he can be friends with this guy any more. Not only does he feel he can't associate with a person that could do that to a child, we are now catching ourselves looking back at his every action and reaction, hoping beyond hope our kids have been up front with us and that he never had any opportunity.

When we first started having him come around our youngest son was the same age as the child he molested. It was a boy he molested, not that that fact matters, I don't want him around any child of any sex.

My issue is now also with his gf. The girl is insisting they have kids and keeps throwing him into situations where he is around young kids. We will miss the companionship of having a couple to hang out with, but I don't need a friend that bad...

Urban Cowgirl · 11-04-2009, 11:27 AM

I always thought that once someone was convicted that they were allowed to be around children?? Am I wrong?

Why in the hell would teh gf want to have a child with him....kinda like dangling a bone under a dogs nose isn't it?

diana_circe · 11-04-2009, 02:18 PM

UC, that is our take on it. I know for a while he wasn't allowed to be around children, that was several years ago. But I guess once he got done with the therapy that was done? Or maybe because of the age of the child his restrictions were for children of a certain age? I honestly have no idea. I do know that we are kicking ourselves for not listening to that inner voice that said "hey, if his crime was between a 19-20yo guy and a 15 yo girl why would he have to stay away from young kids..." There were a few red flags, but since he wasn't hanging around us any more we ignored them, I suppose. I don't have an excuse for that really.

Jolie Rouge · 11-04-2009, 06:59 PM

Don't beat yourself up. You expected the best of someone instead of the worse ... that speaks well of you and your DH. You acted as soon as you had ALL of the relevant information instead of assuming the worse of someone ... and again that speaks highly of you and your DH. I wish you lived down near here, I'd be honored to have you hang with us

Do you and DH belong to any groups - right now all our "grown up friends" are all Scouting related ... maybe that would be an avenue for you as well. We all have kids in the same age ranges, and similar interests.

diana_circe · 11-04-2009, 08:13 PM

Well, my dh is generally antisocial. Its so rare that he actually find a guy he doesn't think is a total idiot. You know how it goes, he doesn't like how he treats his wife and/or kids, or he thinks the guy is whipped, or he drinks too much, or he's too goody-goody. Just every once in a while he meets a guy that he just clicks with and its such a bummer that this guy was who he was.

I think we are trying not to beat ourselves up over it, but we are always so suspicious of people's intentions when it comes to our kids. I can't tell you how many people in our small village set off the warning bells. And yes, we have checked the sex offenders list, and do so on a regular basis. But we only check locallly, never thought to check our friends against the registry.

Unfortunately, we are not joiners. Tay is in GS, but none of the others are part of any real group and with me having school several nights a week and Mike just not a real go-out-and-meet-em kinda guy the options are limited.

MistyWolf · 11-05-2009, 01:24 AM

I am with Jolie on this one .. don't beat yourself up. I know it's hard, you befriended someone, trusted them and they proved to be someone you wouldn't have trusted or befriended if you'd had known.

You did the right thing by breaking the friendship. It will hurt for a bit because you were friends, but in the long run, and as you know, everyone is better off.

Njean31 · 11-05-2009, 11:36 AM

i can not even believe there is any question as to what needs to be done. men or women who are sexually aroused by children can NOT be rehabilitated. i wish people would wake up and get this. they don't deserve a second chance. they deserve to be castrated and imprisoned or exiled.

MistyWolf · 11-05-2009, 11:40 AM

I don't think she is questioning what needs to be done, I think OP was more or less needing to talk to ppl about this. Trying to get input and get some of what she is feeling and going through off her chest. I am sure Diana is going through all kinds of emotions right now and just needed to bend our ears