Thread: Why I have been gone

As the majority of you all know, I am not one for posting much about my private life, but there have been so many of you that have been concerned about me and I felt this was the easiest way to address the subject.

In July my husband had bypass surgery with a valve replacement and repair to his aorta. The problem is that it wasn’t just a matter of a blockage, but he had had a heart attack without knowing it. They say that is common in people with diabetes. So, he has recovered from the surgery fairly well, but the heart attack had damaged approx. 75% of his heart muscle and thus he has a very low ejection rate. The past couple of months he has been going to cardio-rehab, but that isn’t going so hot. He has a problem of his blood pressure dropping down seriously low and his heart rate speeding up alarmingly high. I only mention this because part of my problem has been the stress of his illness and of course the financial hardship that this has placed on the household.

So, some of you may know that my health has not been up to par and then a couple of months ago I came down with pneumonia. It was so hard being sick and still having to work and it succeeded in dragging me down physically, mentally and emotionally. I have found it so very hard to even get up and out the door to go to work on a daily basis and I have been working 6 day weeks and some on Sundays also.

My daughter graduated this past weekend from Nursing School. I almost did not even make it to see her graduate. If it had not been for my sister volunteering to drive, well I would have missed one of the proudest days in my life. And as much as I wanted to see her graduate, the only thing that got me out the door and on the road was the knowledge that if I did not go it would have disappointed her so bad. It was a very stressful trip and weekend. Some of you may know that I don’t really get along with this particular sister and she was at her prime the entire trip and did not miss a chance to take a dig at me any chance she got.

I know that I have worried a few people by being MIA so long, but I could not bring myself to talk about my problems with anyone. I just felt that I had been a downer with nothing but bad news to share for too long and I can’t stand someone that does nothing but complain. I saw myself becoming that person and so I just kind of turned inward.

I have been running the gauntlet of emotions, mostly all at once and have just been trying to find a way to cope with life. I have been feeling anger, fear, sadness, disappointment, frustration and the worst, desperation. I am not telling this little bit of my story for sympathy, advice or hugs. I know there are people out there in worse shape than we are and I am thankful for what I do have. I will be okay. I just have to deal with things the only way that I know how and unfortunately that usually means that I just keep things to myself until it passes.

Thanks in advance to my friends for understanding and if you don’t fall into that category, well, feel free to skip over my ramblings.

Im so glad you made it to your daughters graduation...Im so sorry your feeling this way but Im alot like you...I keep things to myself and just deal with it...Sometimes it gets so bad and I have bad thoughts but I have to remember I have little ones still at home and if it wasnt for them it would be completely different..Keep your chin up and remember tomorrow is a new day....TC

Roberta, I've missed you, hope you get to feeling better and your hubby as well, you'll be in my thoughts.

Know exactly where you are coming from "tngirl". There are just some things that are private and it just has to be the right moment to confide in others about. I am the exact way, when I was ill, I could not talk to anyone about it and then one day I came on here and told. I was shocked at myself after I clicked on the post button. There are alot of very kind and caring people on here and we know what you are going through. I am praying for you and your DH, hopefully the bad days will soon be over. My thoughts are with you and I just want you to know that I care!!

s

We sure have missed our 'LEADER'

~hugs~ Roberta and you know you can always talk to me on IM if you need to.

Sorry that things have been so tough.

Well I know you and I don't click but I hope things turn around for you. Even if you don't get along I wouldn't wish bad things to happen. The best of luck to you.