Shancopp

If you are going to live or visit in the South, you need to know the rules. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.



1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.


2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.



3. That red dirt - it's called clay, red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple of weeks; it'll be permanent. Those big lumps - they're called "clods".



4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi; we got over it.



5. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped.............by our women.



6. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod; don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for................it's called bait.



7. Pull your pants up........you look stupid.



8. Men, if you want to wear earrings, pierce your nose, wear your hair long...........go right ahead but if we call you ma'am, don't be offended.



9. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to make sure it's not up to your ear at the time.



10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu; order steak.......order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.


11. Tea........yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. If you want it hot, set it in the sun............you want it un-sweetened, add a lot of water.



12. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.



13. So.......you have a sixty thousand dollar car; we're really impressed. We have a quarter million dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.



14. OK, let's get this straight.............we have one traffic light in town. We stop when it's red; we may even stop when it's yellow if we see a friend to talk to.



15. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks......because they want to.


16. We eat dinner together with our families,
we pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast),
we go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays,
we go to high school football games on Friday nights,
we still address our seniors with "yes sirs" and "yes ma'ams",
and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.



17. We don't do "hurry up" well.



18. Greens.........yeah, we have greens but you don't putt on them. You boil them with either salty fatback or a ham hock.



19. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and some of us eat carp also. You want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
And oh yeah, hushpuppies have nothing to do with shoes. They go with the catfish.




20. Pigs...........they are called pigs and that's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 65 goes two ways.....Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.


21. Grits are corn; you put butter, salt, and maybe some pepper on them. You don't order grits; they just come. You want to put milk and sugar on them.......then you want cream of wheat; go to Kansas. That would be I40 West.



22. So.........every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly...........understand the concept?



23. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called Diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.




24. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving recklessly......his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.




25. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.







Now, enjoy your visit......................

Ya'll come back......

Ya heah?

(Background music is another oldie, The Crawdad Song)

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TEAM CONAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

joni1269

LOL! Thanks!

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buttrfli

I'm so homesick now lol

Thanks for sharing!

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Angelseyes28

I want bumperstickers of those!!!!!!

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Over at Mad- forum .com (no spaces)!

fatesfaery

Isn't it nice to be southern?

Willow

Thanks! This might come in handy at some point.

suprtruckr

LOL and i know some women that would on that first one

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CONFUSED AS A BABY IN A TOPLESS BAR

Angel Lips

lmao thanks for the laugh

YankeeMary

I can say that being down here in the South for the past 2 years I will say that the above are true...lol...thanks for sharing.

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The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

nanajoanie

If it isn't raining, I sit under my big tree at my picnic table and wave to everyone and everyone waves back or toots. Big & little trucks, jalopies, Beemers & Lexus, rust buckets, cycles especially Harley's, joggers. Tice & I have done this for years and a few even stop by and say thanks for the smile at the end of the day. A little piece of Heaven here on earth

22. So.........every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly...........understand the concept?

Really enjoyed reading this. I think I'll print it out and frame it

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Toodles, Nanajoanie

stresseater

Wahahahaha yeah buddy

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**** The views and opinions stated by kids=stress are simply that. Views and opinions. They are not meant to slam anyone else or their views.To anyone whom I may have offended by this expression of my humble opinion, I hereby recognized and appologized to you publically.