Sheila Reed, St. Petersburg Times, 9/24/2002
Do not read this column if you are uncomfortable with people whose lifestyles are different from yours.
And do not go further if the boundaries of your tolerance and understanding extend only to your front door.
And please stop at this point if you do not want to read about two Jewish grandmothers who just happen to be lesbians.
Every life has a story to be told. Some stories affect the world; others affect only those in their environment. In my column and throughout this magazine, I hope to bring readers a variety of life stories, stories about their neighbor, their grocer, their banker. Sometimes those people are different from us, but getting to know them, and respecting their differences, is the first step toward understanding.
Now for the brave souls who dared to read on, let me tell you about Ruthie Berman and Connie Kurtz. It was important to Ruthie and Connie that I called promptly at 12:30 p.m. on a Thursday. They had dates with their grandchildren. They were willing to talk to me, but it was evident that these grands had priorities.
Ruthie, 68, and Connie, 66, sound bold, confident and passionate when they talk about their love for each other, their families and their commitment to gay and lesbian issues. But that hasn't always been the case.
Under the best of circumstances it can be difficult to be who you really are, to be comfortable in your skin, so imagine two best friends in the late 1950s who found their friendship evolving into something much deeper.
They were part of the "baby carriage brigade" in their Brooklyn, N.Y., apartment building. Ruthie was married with three children; Connie was married with two. They were always there for each other and their community. "We were always politically active within the framework of our community," Connie said. They mourned together and celebrated together.
Even when Connie and her family moved to Israel for four years, she and Ruthie were still discovering the scope of their friendship.
As their children got older, Ruthie and Connie fell deeper in love, and by 1975 they wanted a life together. But that meant sacrifices.
"It was not an easy thing to do. There was the loss of marriages. The emotional impact made it a very wrenching decision," Ruthie said. Ruthie and Connie and have been together for 27 years. Their lives and relationship continue to touch others.
"We are actively involved in gay and lesbian rights. It seems we have rights, but those are bread crumbs that don't service everyone," Ruthie said.
"We are not willing to settle or compromise with the systems that are in place. We want equal rights as any other couples," Connie said.
There's an opportunity to meet Ruthie and Connie during the Tampa International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival, which runs Oct. 3-13. A film about their relationship, Every Room in the House, will be shown 5 p.m. Oct. 13. (Connie will have some of her artwork on display and for sale.)
Ruthie and Connie have spoken to hundreds of people over the years, gay and straight, parents and grandparents.
What reactions do they get from other senior citizens?
They discover "that we are more than okay people," Ruthie said. "The bottom line is 'Love thy neighbor as thyself.' We love each other, and we carry out that love by loving a tremendous amount of people."
"We plant seeds so that others will care about another human," Connie said.
Between them, Ruthie and Connie have 17 grandchildren. They say it's easier to forget the "mine and hers" designation.
They know it may be difficult for family members to accept that a child or grandchild is gay or lesbian, but, Ruthie said, "It's the grandparent's responsibility to have unconditional love." It's also important that they educate themselves about gay and lesbian issues and attend meetings of the group Parent and Friends of Lesbians and Gays to share information and get answers.
Ruthie and Connie are passionate about educating everyone about gay and lesbian issues. But Ruthie's youngest son still has not accepted his mother's life with Connie.
"I am proud that I've lived the life I have. I am not ashamed of any aspects of it," Ruthie said. "I go beyond embarrassment by taking risks and working things out, not in my mind but in action, because too much of my life I was ashamed. Embarrassment holds people back from being their loving, creative and zestful self."
Connie has the same resolve. "I am proud of who I am. Once I made that connection that I was a lesbian, a Jew and a mother, I was home free."
Ruthie and Connie have learned the importance of being who they are.
Here's to the rest of us still on our journeys.
http://www.hrc.org/familynet/newsstand.asp?ID=1733
Linear Mode
