sharinbo

If you have raised kids (or been one) and gone through the pet syndrome
including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have
you laughing out LOUD!! (I do not know the author) Here's what happened...

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something
wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's
just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you
help?" I put on my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him
into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back,
looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come
look at the hamster!"

"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was
equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want
them to reproduce," I accused my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do,
post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this
sarcastically!) "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her,
(in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together.)
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed. "Well, it's just a

little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she informed me. (Again with the
sarcasm, ya think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I
shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be

a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of
birth." "Oh, GROSS!" they shrieked. "Well, isn't THAT just great; what are
we doing to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted
to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here,

too. Don't you?) We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what
looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second
later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breach,"
my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged. "Okay,
okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared,
giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with
the same results. "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know.
"Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with
the females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with

my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I
don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so
cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this

boy is of her womb, for God's sake.) The vet took Ernie back to the
examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a c-section?", I suggested scientifically. "Oh,
very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you
privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is
Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us.
"This hamster is not in labor. IN fact, that isn't EVER going to
happen...Ernie is a boy." "What?" "You see, Ernie is a young male. And
occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they
um...er...masturbate. Just the

way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you
know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this. "So, Ernie was just...just...excited?"my
wife offered. "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More
silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then
even laugh loudly. "What so funny?" I demanded. Tears were now running down
her face. "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its...its..teeny
little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. "That's
enough," I warned. We thanked the veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the
hamsters and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to
be okay. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told
me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing into laughter.

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Forever missing our baby boy. One hour in this world, always in our hearts. April 5, 2005

janelle

I got this in my email. I use to get his emails all the time. His name is Cameron but I forgot the last name or his first name as the case may be. He didn't want his writings to be passed around but I'm not surprised that they have been. He is a good funny writer. One can subscribe to his email but I think this is the best one he did.

miccit

That was too funny! That poor man will never live that down!

Widgetsx3

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am getting stared at for spitting Diet Coke ALL over my desk at work....that was just about one of the funniest things I have read...I have sent it out...OMG (wipes tears and Diet Coke from face)

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"If sometimes you feel yourself little, useless, offended and depressed, always remember that you were once the fastest and most victorious sperm out of hundreds of millions."

If Barbie is so popular, how come you have to buy all her friends????

michellebuck

I cant help but to LMAO every time I read this!!!! Someone pick me up off the floor please.


ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

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Am I really invisible????

mwhite

Knee Slappin Funny.



HAAAAAAHAAAAAAA LMAO!!!! Can't wait to tell that one to hubby!

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Email me @ mwhite42@cox.net