Thread: Cafe' La Rouge Comedy Club

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A
couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute". She said "What happened to 'beautiful?'
His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"



A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied,
"Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take
care of expenses".

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means"

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to
you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard,
fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without'"

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
- Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-@ss? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and
a nice Cuban cigar.
-- Santa

Well this shows you just how "smart" dem ol Cajuns are:

Da Cajun and da Donkey

Da Cajun, his name Jean Paul, moved to Arkansas and bought him a Donkey from an old farmer for $100. Da farmer agreed to deliver da donkey da next day.

Da next day, dat farmer drove up and said, "I'm Sorry, but I have some bad news... the donkey died just last night."

"Well, den, just give my money back yeah."

"I can't do that Sir, I went and spent it already."

"OK, den. Just unload dat donkey."

"What are you gonna do with him?"

"I'm going to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey, you dumb Cajun!"

"Well dats where you wrong. You watch you an you learn how we Cajuns
so smart smart!"

A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What
happened with that dead donkey?"

"I raffled dat donkey off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece
and made $898."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just dat guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

The Pope arrives at JFK and he's met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, simply - "Pope."

After getting all the Pope's luggage loaded in the limo -- and His
Holiness doesn't travel light -- the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Hey, Mr. Pope," says the driver in accented English, "Why have you not seated yourself in the excellent limo?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive."

"That is very much against the rules!" protested the driver, wishing he'd never left Calcutta.

"There might be something extra in it for you," said the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope got in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after clearing the airport, the Pope accelerated the limo to 105 mph. "Please be driving not so rapidly, Mr. Pope," pleaded the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal.

Then they heard the siren.

"Oh, my Gods, now I am surely losing my license," moaned the driver.

The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the patrolman approached, but the cop took one look at him, went back to his motorcycle, and got on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he said to the dispatch.

When the Chief got on the radio, the cop told him that he'd stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," said the Chief.

"I think the guy's a big shot," said the cop.

"All the more reason."

"No, I mean really a big shot," said the cop.

"What'd ya got there, the Mayor?"

"Bigger."

"Governor."

"Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

"I don't know," said the cop. "But he's got the Pope driving for him."

Things That Will Be Overheard in the Year 2999

"Thank you for calling Epson. All operators are currently helping other customers. You have been on hold for approximately... one... thousand... years...."

"Senator Thurmond, your wife is on line 3."

"Another Christmas like this, and Amazon.com just may turn a profit!"

"I found it on the Galactinet -- I think it's a picture of how humans used to reproduce."

"Hi, I'm Dick Clark, here to count you down into the new millennium!"

"I did *not* have cybersex with that netbot."

"Okay, I'll go over it one more time: It doesn't really start until January 1, *3001* because..."

"Middle East peace talks have been put on hold once again..."

"25,000 zelgers, same as on Mars."

"We at NASA cannot be discouraged by this recent failure, and we are fully confident that our next manned mission to Mars will be a complete success."

... and THE Number 1 Thing Overheard in the Year 2999...


"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Microsoft..."

Case of the Pregnant lady ...

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident...I
just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED"

JOKE: How did you know...?
http://www.top-greetings.com/A.py?R=20011219,08MH

CARTOON: Are my hands cold...?
http://www.top-greetings.com/art/381

USELESS FACT: What's the most remote island on Earth?
http://www.top-greetings.com/A.py?R=20011220,08MQ

JOKE: Plenty of excitement...
http://www.top-greetings.com/A.py?R=20011218,08KD

CARTOON: Military Christmas...
http://www.top-greetings.com/art/380

USELESS FACT: Were people ever really "tarred and feathered"?
http://www.top-greetings.com/A.py?R=20011219,08MO



You tell me - "What's your favorite ?"

You want to talk about excitement.....
I WAS IN THE WRONG ROOM!!!

Jolie, I just love your jokes, I think I click on all your post to see if you have a joke on it. LOL

Please don't stop posting your jokes. they make my day.


Happy Holidays to you and yours.