Living in Houston is............ - Big Big Forums

DazzleJ · 11-15-2001, 03:09 AM

Hmmm...I can relate to nearly ALL of these...LOL

YOU'RE FROM HOUSTON IF.......

1. You're on your way to work one FEBRUARY morning and suddenly you're
trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty horses with
riders and you look around to see that everybody in the cars around you is
wearing a cowboy hat (It's called "The Saltgrass Trail Ride", which starts
as far as 200 miles away and culminates in The Houston Fat Stock Show And
Rodeo).
2. The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.
3. If you want to be a snob about your grocery shopping, you can go to a
Randall's Flagship, a Kroger Signature, a Rice Epicurean, or soon, an HEB
Central Market to buy bread and milk (but you have to dress up, and your
dog and cat are out of luck if you go to the latter - nothing as mundane as
pet food there).
4. You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a
low of 29 degrees.
5. You have a Roach Story: You opened your flatware drawer to find a roach
the size of the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He stood up and looked you in the
eye. You closed the drawer, bought new flatware - and stored it in the
oven. Or your friend has a Roach Story - about a dive bomber who crashed
her formal dinner party, made several passes at guests whose heads were
bobbing like little dogs in car windows, and finally landed in somebody's
soup.
6. When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don't
think he's won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes; you know that he
just stepped in a fire ant bed.
7. The name "Bud Adams" makes people snarl, and "Bum Phillips" doesn't
mean a bad screwdriver.
8. "Luv ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out
of town.
9. You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the
World.
10. You come to work in short sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a
"blue-tailed norther" has blown through and the temperature has dropped 40
degrees in a matter of minutes.
11. Your neighbor's Christmas yard decorations look like a re-creation of
the gunfight at the OK Corral, complete with a ten-foot tree decorated with
boots and cowboy hats, and a Santa Claus who looks a lot like Wyatt Earp.
12. You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street
signs because they're written in Asian characters instead of English, but
you don't care because you can get great prices on fake designer
merchandise there.
13. You go to an art festival on Westheimer and you're almost run down by
two hand- holding cross dressers on roller blades.
14. The "Killer Bees" are not stinging insects.
15. You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to
window shop. (You can't afford to buy because the prices are jacked up for
all the foreign tourists.)
16. You know that "Dad gummit" has nothing to do with your father's
failure to practice good dental hygiene.
17. You think "Y'all" is perfectly good usage if you're referring to more
than one person.
18. For a Chili Cookoff, you'll use anything from armadillo to frog's
legs, but you know that the only GOOD chili is made with chopped * not
ground - beef, and it has NO beans and NO tomatoes.
19. Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the
year (town, town, and state highway, respectively).
20. Society matrons of "a certain age" still sport big hair and faces that
have gone east, west, and north rather than south.
21. You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you
still haven't left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven't left
your NEIGHBORHOOD.)
22. You've never seen I-45 in any condition other than under construction
and you've lived here for 20-30 years.
23. If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a GOOD hair day.
24. You know that "Clutch City" has nothing to do with automobile
transmissions.
25. "The Dream" is not a fantasy.
26. The only REAL Mexican food is Tex-Mex.
27. A 747 with the Space Shuttle riding piggyback has actually flown low
right overhead, and nobody paid any attention to it.
28. You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. treasury.
29. You're happy to have beaten Los Angeles out of a football team, but
you'd rather they keep the title of "Smog Capital."
30. You see nothing unusual about an eighty-something former sheriff's
deputy who wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sunglasses,
mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries,
seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and SCREAMS,
"MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, EYE-witness news" into a television camera every night.

chort1313 · 11-15-2001, 04:54 AM

thanks for the laugh!

cowgirlup6908 · 11-15-2001, 09:28 AM

that's scary how many of those are sooo true...actually...all of those are sooo true...lol....
i have a friend whose first sentence was "slime in the ice machine"...lol

Exotica1 · 11-15-2001, 10:20 AM

I have not been home in 10~years and I'm now having flashbacks
those darn palmento bugs ewww and the cockroaches that look like small dogs..
These I do remember
4,6,9,11,13,15,17,19,21,22,23,27
I also remember Montrouse ??SP?? Avenue...

Thanks fo the laugh..

girlwithsoul · 11-15-2001, 11:15 AM

Man....I work on Montrose Blvd. and I've lived here all my life. Only true Houstonians will be able to fully relate to this. Absolutely hilarious....thanks!

captorquewrench · 11-15-2001, 11:17 AM

12. ALIEF!!!! I work here over here.

sadie01 · 11-15-2001, 12:17 PM

OMG!!!! that is oh so true!!! especially the one about alll the live stock makin its way to the rodeo, i got stuck in that jam going to the airport. almost missed my plane. and i met ole plastic marv at a a college graduation about 3 years ago. man he gave me nightmares!!! id hate to have to wake up to that every morning, ewwww

mandybragg · 11-15-2001, 01:41 PM

some of those are pretty funny, but i have only been here since september of 1999 so i didnt get alot of them. i have fire ants, they even invade my house sometimes. i don't have any roaches and if i ever saw one i think terminex,and every other bug fighting team would be called to have a big party at my house because i cant stand them, i lived in houston when i was 5-6 downtown in the slums with my parents and we had them everywhere, if you turned the microwave on they all ran out. it was so gross. i live in the subburbs now, and i am bug free thanks to all my liitle lizards probly, i love those little geckos and anoles, i invite them in my house instead of trying to get rid of them like other people. my hubby told me about that thing in number one, but i have never seen it. i live off of fm 529 and they are making it bigger everyday. i shop at kroger signiture the most and randalls flagship too. as for #4 i just love the weather here, i use to live in ohio and it is just to cold there for me. i bought my couch from mattress mac, he is so nice.

sadie01 · 11-15-2001, 01:51 PM

mandybragg...
dont worry hun, you will see a big change in 529 in a few years. i witness more traffic in that area everyday. soon, houston will come to us... and the whole cow and cowboy jam, is nothing really. they used to camp by my folks house, all it does is splatter cow/horse poop on our freeways and hold up traffic for hours! watch it on tv.
oh, did you visitor ever arrive??? i think i read you were expecting 'someone' to come, but they were 'late'.
if it wasnt you, im sorry.