Everyday, I scour the internet looking for at least one story to amuse you ....

Jolie Rouge

Man says he's porn inspector, demands free videos
56 minutes ago



LONGMONT, Colo. - A man claiming to be a police detective tried to get an adult novelty shop to give him free X-rated videos, saying he wanted to make sure the performers weren't underage, authorities said.

He made three tries within nine days last month and was turned down each time. The store manager called police after the third try. Authorities said Monday that the man showed a badge and left a business card from the Longmont police "age verification unit." Cmdr. Tim Lewis said there is no such unit.

"It was inventive on his part, I'll give him that," Lewis said.

The business card didn't have anyone's name on it, but the store gave officers surveillance video of the man. Police are looking for him.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080812/...Qa9IoXes0N UE


Alleged drunk driver leaves car door at crash scene
Mon Aug 11, 5:26 PM ET[/i]



BOONTON, N.J. - A car door and a stack of personal papers left behind at an accident scene helped authorities in Morris County track down an alleged drunk driver. Boonton police said a 20-year-old woman struck a utility pole at about 4:30 a.m. Sunday, then drove off.

Officers then responded to the scene and found the door of a 1996 Chevrolet Cavalier and several papers bearing the woman's name and address.

A short time later, Denville police reported that the woman had crashed a 1996 Chevy Cavalier with a missing door into a stone wall about two miles farther down Valley Road.

The woman, who was treated at an area hospital for minor injuries, faces charges of drunken driving, underage drunken driving and numerous motor vehicle violations.

Information from: The Star-Ledger, http://www.nj.com/starledger

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080811/....p.poR MuQE4F

__________________
Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

Jolie Rouge

Man banned from girlfriend's home after noisy sex
By RAPHAEL G. SATTER, Associated Press Writer
1 hour, 23 minutes ago

LONDON - A British man has been banned from visiting his girlfriend's home after neighbors complained about noisy sex, a local official said Thursday.

A court barred Adam Hinton, 32, from being within 110 yards of his 29-year-old girlfriend Kerry Norris' apartment, Brighton and Hove City Council spokesman Mike Taggart said.

Residents of Norris's publicly owned home had been complaining since 2006 about thumping music, banging headboards and screamed obscenities, Taggart said.

Neighbors also complained about Norris sunbathing naked in her yard, and were upset that a 6-year-old child in the building had been "subjected to the sort of obscenities you wouldn't want a 6-year-old to hear," the spokesman said.

"She is a classic nightmare neighbor," Taggart said, insisting the case was not about sex. "It's about allowing your neighbors to have a normal decent life without being disturbed."

The court granted the city council's request for an injunction banning Hinton from the apartment because Norris had ignored a previous court order demanding that she be more quiet, Taggart said.

Norris last week was forced to pay $560 in fines and court costs for breaking the "noise abatement order," Taggart said.

Neither Norris or Hinton could be immediately located for comment. Brighton and Hove is located in southern England.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080814/...7JE0Xdk9us0NUE






Wife auctions evidence of husband's affair on Internet
Wed Aug 13, 11:34 PM ET

SYDNEY (AFP) - An Australian woman has taken revenge on her cheating husband by auctioning his mistress's "huge" panties and his "size small" condom packet on eBay.

The seller, named only as Anna from Queensland state, says next in line for auction will probably be her husband's Harley Davidson motorcycle "at a start price of 99 cents and, of course, with no reserve!"

A photograph shows the lacy black underpants, described as "size humongous" and the "size small" condom wrapper, which the woman found in her bed after her husband's alleged affair with a woman named Kylie.

Anna says of the panties: "They are so huge I thought they may make someone a nice shawl or, even better, something for Halloween perhaps."

She describes how she returned home early from work after her "soon to be ex-husband" of 22 years mistakenly sent her a romantic text message meant for the other woman, to find him discouraging her from entering their bedroom.

In the room she found the empty condom wrapper under his pillow and "The Tart's panties at the foot of the bed".

The listing was initially taken down by eBay because of its policy of refusing to sell secondhand underwear, spokeswoman Inessa Jackson told Brisbane's Courier Mail.

"We let her know about the policy and instead she's now selling a photograph of the offending knickers," Jackson said.

"eBay does connect colourful buyers with colourful sellers and I wouldn't be surprised if someone did buy these items, though I couldn't speculate on who would buy them or why.

"This is obviously very therapeutic for this woman and it must be a great channel for her views on cheating and the sanctity of marriage."

The photograph, which had a starting price of just 69 US cents, down from the original 99 cents asked for the actual items, had received 47 bids by Thursday, with the top offer standing at 127.50 US dollars with four days to go.

The listing, along with the wife's story, has been added to eBay Australia's Best of eBay site at http://bestof.ebay.com.au.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080814...KFO8X8ZKEuQE4F

__________________
Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

Jolie Rouge

Top dishonors in writing go to Washington man
1 hour, 45 minutes ago



SAN JOSE, Calif. - A grotesque comparison of a steamy love affair to a New York City street has won a Washington man this year's grand prize in an annual contest of bad writing.

Garrison Spik, a 41-year-old communications director and writer, took top honors in San Jose State University's 26th annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest with this opening sentence to a nonexistent novel:

The contest is named after Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, whose 1830 novel "Paul Clifford" famously begins "It was a dark and stormy night."

Entrants are asked to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. Awards are given for many categories, including awards for "purple prose" and "vile puns." The top winner receives a $250 prize.

Other noteworthy submissions:


___

On the Net:

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080814/...uLCPGwWhOrg F

__________________
Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

Jolie Rouge

Court gives green light to "boobs on bikes" parade
Tue Aug 19, 10:20 AM ET


WELLINGTON (Reuters) - A New Zealand court has allowed a parade of topless porn stars on motor bikes to proceed on the main street of the country's biggest city, local media said Tuesday.

Auckland City Council had sought a court injunction to stop the "Boobs on Bikes" parade, scheduled for Wednesday, saying it breached a bylaw banning offensive public events. But Judge Nicola Mathers said while opponents may find the parade offensive or tasteless, the fact that 80,000 people had gathered for a similar event last year meant a significant number of people did not agree with the critics, New Zealand Press Association said.

The parade on Queens Street, featuring leather-clad local and international porn stars, is part of an "Erotica Expo" organized by self-styled "porn king" Steve Crow.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080819/...7wv5u36s0N UE


>.<

__________________
Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

ssgjeg

Armed 85-year-old woman makes intruder call cops

POINT MARION, Pa. -An 85-year-old woman boldly went for her gun and busted a would-be burglar inside her home, then forced him to call police while she kept him in her sights, police said. "I just walked right on past him to the bedroom and got my gun," Leda Smith said.
Smith heard someone break into her home Monday afternoon and grabbed the .22-caliber revolver she had been keeping by her bed since a neighbor's home was burglarized a few weeks ago.
"I said 'What are you doing in my house?' He just kept saying he didn't do it," Smith said.
After the 17-year-old boy called 911, Smith kept holding the gun on him until state police arrived at her home in Springhill Township, about 45 miles south of Pittsburgh.
The boy will be charged with attempted burglary and related offenses in juvenile court, Trooper Christian Lieberum said. He was not identified because of his age.
"It was exciting," Smith said. "I just hope I broke up the (burglary) ring because they have been hitting a lot of places around here."

Jolie Rouge

Because I need something to amuse me today ...

Why it's so hard to swat a fly ...
Fri Aug 29, 12:50 PM ET


CHICAGO (Reuters) - The brains of flies are wired to avoid the swatter, U.S. researchers said on Thursday.

At the mere hint of a threat, the insects adjust their preflight stance to flee in the opposite direction, ensuring a clean getaway, they said in a finding that helps explain why flies so easily evade swipes from their human foes.

"These movements are made very rapidly, within about 200 milliseconds, but within that time the animal determines where the threat is coming from and activates an appropriate set of movements to position its legs and wings," Michael Dickinson of the California Institute of Technology said in a statement.

"This illustrates how rapidly the fly's brain can process sensory information into an appropriate motor response," said Dickinson, whose research appears in the journal Current Biology.

Dickinson's team studied this process in fruit flies using high-speed digital imaging equipment and a fancy fly swatter.

In response to a threat from the front, the fly moves its middle legs forward, leans back and raises its back legs for a backward takeoff. If the threat is from the side, the fly leans the other way before takeoff.

The findings offer new insight into the fly nervous system, and lends a few clues on how to outsmart a fly.

"It is best not to swat at the fly's starting position," Dickinson said. Instead, aim for the escape route.

Dickinson, a bioengineer, has devoted his life's work to the study of insect flight. He has built a tiny robotic fly called Robofly and a 3-D visual flight simulator called Fly-O-Vision.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080829/...cZft8CcUOs0NUE

__________________
Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

Jolie Rouge

What is wrong with this picture ?

Dad chases nude boy from daughter's room with pipe
37 minutes ago

DELTONA, Fla. - An angry Deltona father whacked his teenage daughter's boyfriend with a metal pipe after finding the boy naked in his daughter's room. Authorities say the father, 45, didn't even know his daughter had a boyfriend or that the youngster had been sneaking into the home for more than a year.

When he heard noises coming from his daughter's bedroom Thursday morning and saw a stranger standing naked on the girl's bed, he swung a metal pipe. He then chased the teen out the front door and called police.

The boy was taken to the hospital where doctors closed a head wound with staples.

The father was charged with aggravated battery on a child and bonded out on $10,000.

Information from: Daytona Beach News-Journal, http://www.news-journalonline.com

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080912/...iv.uO789oZ.3QA

__________________
Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

Jolie Rouge

Hallucinogenic chocolates doom Berlin sweet shop
Fri Sep 12, 9:49 AM ET

:smoking:

BERLIN (Reuters) - Police closed down a Berlin sweet shop after discovering the owner was selling chocolates and lollipops laced with hallucinogenic mushrooms and marijuana.

The 23-year old owner of the shop in the trendy east Berlin district of Prenzlauer Berg, an area known for its vibrant night life, was taken into custody on suspicion of drug-dealing. "In the shop we found 120 pieces of magic mushroom chocolate and countless cannabis lollipops," said police, who confiscated around 70 sachets containing various drugs, about 20 marijuana joints, a range of pills and some jars of drug-laced honey.

Police said one customer, who appeared intoxicated, was arrested after trying to buy a bag of hallucinogenic mushrooms from an officer in the shop.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080912/...bR6k7QGk6s0NUE

__________________
Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

Jolie Rouge

Lewd vandal leaves greasy imprints on Nebraska town
By NATE JENKINS, Associated Press Writer
Fri Sep 12, 11:32 AM ET

VALENTINE, Neb. - Boy, how people here wish their busiest vandal would find another way to make his mark. Beginning more than a year ago, some man has been skipping from one business to another at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects.

"This is the weirdest case I've ever seen," said police Chief Ben McBride.

Some residents of Valentine, a town of about 2,650 people, find some humor in the strange vandalism and have taken to calling the perpetrator the "Butt Bandit." But they also can't help but cringe when finding his marks.

"We were completely grossed out," said Kalli Kieborz, who works in a downtown building. "One day I walked into the office and an employee said, 'Oh, my God, we've been struck!'"

The police chief is far from amused. "It's not funny," McBride said. "We're worried about the next step."

It started in spring 2007, when the window of a Methodist church was greased with an imprint. McBride figured it was a high school prank. But the church kept getting hit, even after police staked it out.

The bandit struck business after business, window after window last summer. Then he — and maybe, McBride said, copycat vandals — stopped over the fall and winter. "People said he was done," McBride said. "Then he started back up this summer."

During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the windows at a local hotel were imprinted.

McBride said no one has reported seeing the vandal in action. The only clue is a blurry picture of him caught by a surveillance camera at the middle school last year. The man was 6-feet-tall or slightly taller, and slender. He had a dark complexion, and McBride said the man's dark hair was styled in a "1980s, feathered look."

Valentine, in remote north-central Nebraska, promotes itself as "The Heart City." Downtown sidewalks are painted with hearts, and locals encourage people from around the country to send their Valentine's Day cards to the local post office so they can be mailed out with the word "Valentine" stamped on them.

"This is not normal behavior for Valentine," Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said. "It's not funny or something people want to be exposed to."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080912/...8u0jRoqR8uQE4F

On the Net: City of Valentine: http://www.valentine-ne.com

__________________
Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

LuvBigRip

LMAO...Jolie. That was funny. I first read the town's name as Vaseline.....

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It all goes downhill from here

magickay

And this just made me spit out my water. LOL!

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Be Happy Now.