Weird News Thread ....

[Jolie Rouge]

Age-Old Beer Mystery Finally Solved

So even if you drink a wee bit too much on St. Patrick's Day, and you see the bubbles in your beer sinking in the glass, your eyes are not deceiving you provided you're drinking Guinness. Reuters reports that scientists from the University of Edinburgh's School of Chemistry tested it and have proven that Guinness bubbles really do flow downward and not upwards.

(Yes, they were paid to figure this out.
No, we don't know how you can get a job like that.)

"Our group carried out preliminary experiments at a local pub a few years ago, but the results proved inconclusive," study leader Dr. Andrew Alexander told Reuters. He said he initially thought it was just an illusion that the dark bubbles were sinking, but due to his diligent efforts that even required the assistance of researchers from Stanford University, it has been officially and finally proven this is real.


Here's how it works: As the pint settles, the bubbles touch the walls of the glass and essentially experience drag, which prevents them from floating upward. However, the bubbles in the middle do rise. That creates a circular flow within the glass that pushes down the bubbles along the edge of the glass, reports Reuters.

To make sure you believe it, these partying chemists even produced a high-speed video of the sinking bubbles. The wonders of science will never cease to amaze us.

[Jolie Rouge]

Jessica Simpson's White House Howler

Jessica Simpson showed off her education and intelligence--or lack thereof--once again. The sexy singer who made a name for herself expressing her surprise that buffalo had wings and puzzling over the contents of a Chicken of the Sea can (Is it tuna or poultry?) has done it again. Only this time it was in the White House.

According to Washington Post "Reliable Source" gossip columnist Richard Leiby, Simpson was visiting the White House last weekend where she was introduced to Secretary of the Interior Gale Norton to whom she cooed, "You've done a nice job decorating the White House." Bada boom. Fox News entertainment reporter Roger Friedman calls Jessica Simpson America's third dumbest blonde, noting that Paris Hilton and Anna Nicole Smith beat her in that category.

But against all odds, Jessica seems to have a real hit CD on her hands. "In This Skin" is No. 1 on the charts, right behind Norah Jones. Her single "With You," which Fox's Friedman describes as "undistinguished a pop song as there ever was" was the most played tune last week according to Radio & Records. Go figure.

[Jolie Rouge]

KERRY NAMES FOREIGN LEADER WHO SUPPORTS HIM: HIS WIFE

Doesn’t Count, Says Powell

www.borowitzreport.com

Under pressure to identify the “foreign leaders” he claims support him in his bid to oust President Bush, Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass) today named his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry.

“Teresa was born in Mozambique and is fluent in five languages,” Mr. Kerry told reporters onboard his campaign jet. “You don’t get more foreign than that.”

Saying that he had the “unqualified support” of his wife in his quest to replace Mr. Bush, Mr. Kerry said, “In all five of those languages, she is saying the same three words: Bring it on.”

Secretary of State Colin Powell, who had challenged Mr. Kerry over the weekend to identify the unnamed foreign leaders who supported his candidacy, reacted sharply to the Senator’s statement, calling it “bogus.”

“Mrs. Kerry may be as foreign as all get-out, but no way is she a leader,” Mr. Powell said on CNN’s “Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer.”

But Mr. Kerry fired back, arguing, “Colin Powell doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. I live with Teresa. Not only is she a leader, she’s a freaking dictator.”



The fall campaign, still in its early months, got even uglier today as the Kerry campaign unleashed its latest attack ad, in which entertainer Janet Jackson’s right breast “morphs” into the smiling face of President Bush.

Over a freeze-frame image of the President, a narrator intones, “Isn’t it time to expose THIS boob?”

After facing heavy criticism for the undignified tone of the commercial, Mr. Kerry defended the ad, saying that it had been approved “by a foreign leader.”

[Jolie Rouge]

Offers to Help Look for the Real Liars

Embattled domestic diva Martha Stewart received support from an unlikely ally today in the person of former football great O.J. Simpson.

Mr. Simpson took time out from a round of golf in Sarasota, Florida to tell members of the press that he believed Ms. Stewart had been “framed” in her recent trial on charges stemming from her sale of ImClone stock.

The Heisman Trophy winner said that he would drop everything to help Ms. Stewart, telling reporters, “From this day forward, I will dedicate all of my time and energy to finding the real liars.”

According to Mr. Simpson, the domestic doyenne was not responsible for the lies about her stock sale, but instead was “set up” by “the real liars,” whose identities remain unknown.

“I’ve got a few leads as to who the real liars might be,” Mr. Simpson said. “I don’t want to give away anything that might hinder my investigation, but let’s just say that all of the clues point to Colombian drug lords.”

Mr. Simpson also slammed Ms. Stewart’s defense team, criticizing their closing argument for what he called “a total absence of catchy rhymes.”

Arguing that Ms. Stewart should have hired attorney Johnnie Cochran to defend her, Mr. Simpson said, “If Johnnie had been doing that closing argument, he would have said something like, ‘If she decided to sell, what the hell?’ and she’d be out on the links today.”






Elsewhere, North Korean dictator Kim Jung-Il became the latest Disney shareholder to denounce CEO Michael Eisner, calling Mr. Eisner’s management style “too autocratic.”

For more go to www.borowitzreport.com

[Jolie Rouge]

Surprise! The Most Common Dream of All

The most common dream of all isn't the one where you're naked in the middle of a crowd. And it's not the one about missing the final exam after you forgot to attend class the entire semester. The most common dream of all is about being chased, according to Veronica Tonay, a clinical psychologist and lecturer at the University of California, Santa Cruz who has spent years studying other people's dreams.


"Sometimes people will have lots of dreams about being chased, and they will think that means something terrible about them," Tonay told ABC News columnist Lee Dye. "Typically, people have a dream where someone or something is coming after them, and they don't know what it is," she says. "Later, they will have a dream in which they see who it is, and still later they recognize it as someone they know."



The meaning of the dream:

Very often in "the chase" dream, there is a scene that has nothing to do with reliving the past or the approach of some dreadful encounter. The dream might be repeated during the night, changing slightly each time. And as the dream evolves, Tonay says it can lead to us to dream about ourselves acting in a way we don't ordinarily act. That is, it's not a dream about someone trying to get us. It's a dream about ourselves. "There's some part of themselves that they are not in touch with, or they are trying to deny, and it's coming after them," she told ABC News. It's a message from within.

[Jolie Rouge]

Look what they found in this Missouri cave!
It's billed as the find of a lifetime: a time capsule from the Ice Age.

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/news...issouricave/mi ssouricave&floc=wn-ns

No one knew the cave was even there until construction workers blasting dynamite into limestone for a new road in southwest Missouri near Springfield found it quite by accident. Even the paleontologist called in to investigate didn't think it would reveal any great mysteries. In fact, he was expecting to find a trash pit.

Instead of trash, paleontologist Matt Forir of the Missouri Speleological Survey made the find of a lifetime: an Ice Age time capsule.

Among other things, Forir has found proof that short-faced bears who weighed in at a whopping 1,400 pounds roamed the Ozarks during the Ice Age, reports The Associated Press. What's more, he was able to discern that these bears, whom he dubs the T-Rex of the Ice Age, struggled with arthritis and gout. A trio of extinct tortoises is embedded in a wall. Turtle shells have been found deep inside the cave. Forir calls the cave a picture to the past that holds infinite research possibilities.

AP notes that he and other researchers are also investigating the possibility that herds of peccary, which are pig-like animals, once sought shelter in the caves thousands of years ago, as opposed to being dragged in by predators for food. "Everywhere you look in here, you find something significant," he acknowledged.

Even the stalactites, flowstone, and soda straws that were created over the centuries drop-by-drop from water laden with minerals could yield valuable information for scientists, possibly allowing them to date the age of the cave which they now place in the Pleistocene Era. That would make it as young as 13,000 years old or as ancient as 1.8 million years.

The animal tracks and dung tell scientists that animals sought refuge in the cave since most of them are not the kind of animals that normally live in caves. "It certainly indicates that maybe they were using these caves in a social sense, where herds of them were going in to get out of bad weather," Greg McDonald, a peccary expert and paleontological project coordinator for National Park Service in Denver, explained to AP. "It raises all kinds of interesting questions as far as what the importance of caves was in the natural history of these animals."

Unlike the other 5,700 registered caves in Missouri, this one--called the Riverbluff Cave--is different in that it might provide enough evidence of Ice Age animals to give it national prominence. "There's no question this cave is a picture to the past," Kenneth C. Thomson, Southwest Missouri State geology professor and cave expert, told AP.

Unfortunately, word of the cave's existence spread quickly and vandals invaded it. They carved into a centuries-old calcite column, flattened the fragile skeletal remains of a snake, and stole ancient mineral formations. Security has since been tightened, and the cave has been sealed while various researchers create a plan for exploring its treasures.

[Jolie Rouge]

Former Kennedy Relative Found Dead

http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/news/sto...41.htm&sc=1110

VERO BEACH, Fla. (AP) - The body of a local socialite once related by marriage to the Kennedy family was found in a sunken car, authorities said.

Police do not suspect foul play in the death of 65-year-old Hope Sheridan, who was last seen March 8. Family members in Windham, N.Y., reported her missing on March 11.

Sheridan is the ex-mother-in-law of Michael Skakel, a cousin of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Skakel, 42, is serving 20 years to life in prison for the beating death of his Greenwich, Conn., neighbor, Martha Moxley, in 1975.


Divers found Sheridan's car Monday afternoon after a sheriff's helicopter noted two faint parallel marks at the end of a retention pond.


The car was submerged in about 15 feet of water 75 feet from shore. Sheridan's body was found on the passenger side, Detective Keith Harmon said. He said there were no skid marks on the grassy area going into the water.


``It appears from the preliminary findings that this was an accidental death,'' said Indian River County sheriff's spokesman Joe Flescher said.


Investigators were awaiting the results of a medical examiner's toxicology tests.

The car was submerged in about 15 feet of water 75 feet from shore. Sheridan's body was found on the passenger side, Detective Keith Harmon said. He said there were no skid marks on the grassy area going into the water.


``It appears from the preliminary findings that this was an accidental death,'' said Indian River County sheriff's spokesman Joe Flescher said.

If it was 75 feet out into the water it had to be going at a fairly high rate of speed when it hit the water... and they found the body in the passenger seat ? This sounds very suspicious to me


03/17/04 04:54

[Jolie Rouge]

Great Beatles Story You've Never Heard

Call him the other Paul.

His name is Paul Cole.

He's 92.

He lives in Florida.

And even though he's never listened to a Beatles record in his entire life, Cole has been identified as the mystery man on the "Abbey Road" album cover. He's the one standing in the background watching as Paul, George and Ringo cross the street, reports The New York Post.

This is how he ended up being in the photograph that made the album cover: "I was on a holiday in London with my wife and I said to her, 'I've seen enough museums. You just go ahead, take your time, and I'll see you later,'" Cole explained to Post reporter Bill Hoffman. "I noticed this police car and went over to talk with the officer about the area and then these four guys walked across the street like a line of ducks. I thought they were a bunch of kooks the way they were dressed. They had long hair and one of them was even barefoot. And I had no idea anybody was taking their picture."

Months later, his wife, who is a classical organist, was asked to perform a Beatles song for a friend's wedding. That's when Cole spotted "Abbey Road" laying near the record player. He told the Post, "I saw it and recognized myself right away. I had on a new sports jacket and I'd just bought new glasses. I said to my children, 'Get a magnifying glass out and you'll see me in this picture.' This was just an instance of being in the right place at the right time. But all these years later, it's still kind of fun."

He says he still finds the situation rather humorous. "I still get a laugh out of it. Once in a while, I'll tell somebody, 'You don't realize you're talking to a famous person. My picture is in homes all over the world!'" he joked to the Post.

[Jolie Rouge]

Pa. Woman Charged With Starving Brother

http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/story.js...0639637072.htm

GLENSHAW, Pa. (AP) - A woman kept her quadriplegic younger brother in a filthy room and deprived him of food and water until he starved to death, police said.

Kimberly Loebig, 36, was arrested Tuesday on criminal homicide charges stemming from the death of her brother, 29-year-old Scott Thomas Olsen, who was found by paramedics Dec. 7 in his sister's suburban Pittsburgh home. Olsen, who was more than six feet tall, weighed 63 pounds, police said. ``He looked like a Holocaust victim,'' said Lt. Tom Haser.

Loebig, of Shaler, told authorities she had fed her brother a food supplement through a tube and given him water the day before he died, police said. An autopsy, however, found only digested blood in his stomach. Police found a cardboard box filled with unopened, rusting cans of a food supplement next to Olsen's bed, they said. According to a criminal complaint, Olsen also had sores on his body and insects crawling on him.


Loebig was being held in the Allegheny County Jail on $25,000 bond. Her husband, Timothy Loebig, did not return a phone call Tuesday evening. It was unclear if she had an attorney.


Allegheny County District Attorney Stephen Zappala suggested money may have been the motive.

Loebig, her brother's sole caretaker, stands to inherit $250,000 from her brother as part of a 1996 settlement with a drugstore. Olsen was left in a semi-vegetative state after inhaling butane another man bought from the store in 1990. His injuries left him blind, quadriplegic and unable to speak more than a handful of words, authorities said.



03/17/04 06:38

[Jolie Rouge]

The Most Useful Word of the Year Is...
..."flexitarian."

It has nothing to do with being double-jointed. Instead, "flexitarian" means part-time vegetarian, as in vegetarians who experiment with meat and carnivores who seek out vegetarian meals. If doing everything in moderation is the key to good health, becoming a flexitarian ranks right up there.

The Associated Press reports that "flexitarian" was voted as the most useful new word of 2003 by the American Dialect Society. It describes people who are usually vegetarian, but occasionally eat meat. Their motivation for skipping the steak and sausage isn't animal rights so much as the personal health benefits. Just 3 percent of the U.S. population can be classified as true vegetarians; that is, people who do not eat mean, poultry, or fish--ever. "There are so many reasons that people are vegetarians. I find that nobody ever gives me a hard time when I say I usually eat vegetarian. But I really like sausage," flexitarian Christy Pugh from Concord, N.H., confessed to AP. There must be a lot of people doing the same thing as the demand for vegetarian foods has exploded in recent years. Exhibit A: Burger King's veggie burger.

If occasionally seeking out a vegetarian meal is a flexitarian characteristic, then Charles Stahler, co-director of the Baltimore-based Vegetarian Resource Group, estimates that roughly 30 percent to 40 percent of the population could be classified as such.

[Jolie Rouge]

Man Thought He Was Running Over Bin Laden

http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/news/sto...=20011126SIN99

MONTPELLIER, France (AP) - A French artist allegedly traumatized by last week's Spain bombings was convicted of trying to run over a pedestrian he mistook for Osama bin Laden and ordered to pay the man $615.

The 35-year-old defendant, identified as Pierre, was sentenced Tuesday by a court in this southern France city to a three-month suspended prison term. The man he tried to run over was unharmed.

Pierre's lawyer, David Mendel, said his client was the ``victim of a hallucination'' while driving Monday through Montpellier's historic center. The victim, a man in his 30s, was able to run from the oncoming car, which crashed along the side of a street.


``If it was (bin Laden), we would have won $5 million,'' Mendel said, referring to a reward.


The Madrid train bombings, which killed 201 people, increasingly appear to have been orchestrated by Islamic extremists with links to bin Laden's al-Qaida terror network.



03/17/04 10:16